Online Crush
I crush on someone who I met in online app. At first he add friend to me. In
Why am I the problem? Even if your know how they treated me? If I’m always the problems, there’s no reason to stay alive.
I crush on someone who I met in online app. At first he add friend to me. In
You deserve who you love not me I'm a bad person as they know
I have been living on a fence between being normal, socially constructed, like most of everyone else, and being true to my cognitive self. To set up the premise, I am currently working as a software developer. I've been coding just so I know how to make games but that is still easier said than done. Being torn between work for my family and walking for my own can sometimes be discouraging. Is it lunacy to chase a near impossible spectrum of goals given where we are living? and leave behind our own flesh and blood even though just for a brief period of time compared to the whole life span in which we humans can live? The idea of knowing your own value is so vaguely destructive due to never being taught before how to measure that aspect of our own internal value, which spawn ignorance and esteem issues. "Pick the one you love", they said. The idealistic entity in which all of my hopes and expectations combined has nothing more but shattered due to the chaotic nature of nature itself. I fear the unknown, the dread of not knowing what to come next. The dread of nothing matters. I can only work towards it but how it ends will frighten me nonetheless.
Where have been to for so long??? I am not okay here. I feel like I am all alone. Hug me tight please.
But what if I fail? what if fail?what should I do? What am I going to do next? What's their first impression when they know that I fail?what if they hate they? disgusted me? disappointed in me? scold me? look down on me? what's going to happens? should I just kill myself right away?I don't know I just knew that if I am really fail, the next thing is I'm not in my right mind,my mental health is unstable,all I can think is die cause im scared to tell them,I don't think I have any courage to tell them,I don't think I am brave enough to see their reaction after I tell them that I fail.. If I actually going to fail ,all I want is someone I trust to be by my side,I don't need their comfort words,all I want is someone to sit by my side and stop me from killing myself cause I can't trust myself..I just can't. But I don't have anyone.None. all my favorite people are gone. They're too far away. #BacII14/11/22
Although my ex-boyfriend cheated on me , I’ve learned to move on without having anyone new. Deep down inside, this process is literally miserable since he’s the only one on my mind. After 2 months of breakup, I can say i don’t utterly heal from this heartbreak , but my inner wound has been gradually healing day by day to the point where I finally say I’m better off without him . To all the heart-broken girls out there, don’t pressure yourself. Moving on is not easy as some people say , but one day, pain that you have tried to handle will be finally withdrawn. Embrace yourself as much as possible. Self-love is a must.
I wonder how does it feel like to be loved and spoiled by someone? I wonder how does it feel like to have someone care and protect u at all cost? I wonder how does it feel like when someone say “ you are the world to me “ “ you are the reason I smile” I wonder how does it it feel like to know that after a long tiring day you actually have someone you can whines to? BUT I really can’t imagine someone actually love me . I can’t imagine someone having a crush on me. I can’t imagine someone thinking about me before they waking up or fall asleep.I can’t imagine someone getting butterflies in his stomach when I talk to or smile at him.I can’t imagine my presence make someone day brighter or happier. I can’t imagine someone smiling at their phone or get excited when we are talking . I can’t imagine someone want to see me everyday especially when their bad day. Cus this is ME. Why would they do that to or with me? I’m just ME. BUT IF I ever find someone someday. I can’t wait to spoil him too. I can’t wait to spend all the loves I have been saved for many years. I can’t wait to tell him how thankful I am for him. Maybe someday , Someday I can understand THESE kind of feeling too
What would you do if you found out you're just an alternative or a shadow to his ex? Do you feel hurt? Angry? Hatred? Because I do. It was not wrong to not love somebody. What's wrong is how you keep telling me how much you love me, then keep going back to your ex. What's wrong is how you told me to forget the past and start it all again, then betray me and do all those things again the next day. What's wrong is how you told me to put my heart into trusting you, but you're using my trust against me. You kept saying you love me, but that's not love. There's no way you can love me when you still keep everything from your past. There's no way you can love me when you can fall in love with another girl within a week. There's no way you can love me when you regret being with me and hope you have chosen her instead. The funny thing is, people hurt me, but I'm now the bad guy. I hope all those people who did me wrong, who invalidate my feeling, who blame me for reacting the way I did, will all get their karma very soon. I have all this rage in me because I'm the one that has been suffering. To the people that said that it was normal and I was the one that overreacting, I hope you will be treated like this for the rest of your life. I was never someone who hold a grudge and be so revengeful, anyone who knows me knows how I always forgive people, but not this time. I choose to heal in hell.