Metaphysical idea of Freedom

I have been living on a fence between being normal, socially constructed, like most of everyone else, and being true to my cognitive self. To set up the premise, I am currently working as a software developer. I've been coding just so I know how to make games but that is still easier said than done. Being torn between work for my family and walking for my own can sometimes be discouraging. Is it lunacy to chase a near impossible spectrum of goals given where we are living? and leave behind our own flesh and blood even though just for a brief period of time compared to the whole life span in which we humans can live? The idea of knowing your own value is so vaguely destructive due to never being taught before how to measure that aspect of our own internal value, which spawn ignorance and esteem issues. "Pick the one you love", they said. The idealistic entity in which all of my hopes and expectations combined has nothing more but shattered due to the chaotic nature of nature itself. I fear the unknown, the dread of not knowing what to come next. The dread of nothing matters. I can only work towards it but how it ends will frighten me nonetheless.

Feeling bottled up?

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"What can i do to please you?"

(Please read this from the bottom to the top-) #5 and now What do you want from me more ? Everyone had to plays a bad guy role right ? Yes I toke it so that you don't have to lived two lifes in one body. Our journey was the best things that ever happens to me (there is nothing i would change including the day i ask u for a break up) You were not the person i was once knew. i was always the problem (No matter what isn't it?). I should told u what on my mind & what is going through my head everyday right ? so that u can tell your friend and those people would advice u to make up your mind with me right ? There was one person i really loves, she was the best thing, i could share anything with her knowing she will be behind me. Going on a trip with her, Explore new place with her, out of all things couple do- i would do anything just to be with her- BUT YOU WERE HER - right after that there only one thing u and her have the same in common (was the facial). I stayed single and rejected every girl because of one person. i want to see her in a better place first so that i can allow myself to love anyone else. Hello and Goodbye.

My ex is my crush

I still love him....

CAGE

I always thought that the older I got, the better thing would get. I was wrong. I am a young adult who still can't make my own decisions. I feel trapped and feel like I wasted my youth away. I am young and want to have fun and experience everything I have never done before. Is it too much to ask? Parent's care is something everybody needs, but there are boundaries. Sometimes I spend my time thinking of everything I could have done but couldn't because of somebody's opinions or pity excuses. I wish for a life that I live with no regrets, where I decide on my own, and nobody can tell what I can or cannot do. Not everybody has to have the same fate.

If you promise to stay , I stay

That was a lie .....

A long lost friend

HEYY, It’s been a long long time since we talked. I’ve tried to reach out to you about a few years ago but I’ve never been heard from you ever since. We have lost touch completely. I always miss you. I know that you’ve dealt with mental issues but I have no ideas how are you doing now. I have been dreaming about you a lot in these last few years and last night you popped up in my dream again and it felt so real that we were reunited. You’re still matters to me even though I have never been heard from you since I texted you few years ago. I just wanna know how have you been, how is your life. You’re no longer active on your social media and I have no idea if this post is gonna reach you but if so, I hope you know that I miss you. I know you must be doing well for yourself; but whatever it is you are doing, I hope you’re happy. Either of us are chooses our paths in life, and I guess your path just no longer intertwined with mine. But I hope you’re happy. Because I really do wish you the best. And I genuinely wish you well. It’s completely fine if you don’t want to reach out to me again. If it’s possible, please let me know that you’re alright and that’s what I want to hear from you. From someone who remembers and will always remember you.

Thank you for your caring!! #s

Since I broke up with my ex bf in March 2021, I never had any bf until now. Not because I didn’t fall in love with anyone else. It’s because I used to asked s1 abt feeling during I broke up. And the answer is “ death both side”xD. And yeah at the time he’s the only person that I chatted with, told him how’s my feelings, sometime cried while sending my voice to him. Then we haven’t chatted for awhile. Currently, And he just text me and get on with each again.

What is this feeling

Can anyone tell me what is this feeling It been a long time since they broke the bond. We try to understand them and wish them all the best. However, seeing them with someone new, doing all the things that we should do together some how hurt. It like trauma, it hit right there in the heart, it got you tremble, feeling lost, all the hope we try to hold on are gone, almost down on the knee. I swear there is no hatred, there is no evil though to break them apart. It just feel like can’t stand seeing it, can’t accept it, bare to see it but Why it is someone else in that place? How could? Did we really do sth wrong? Were we never good enough for them? How could they just switch to do all the things with someone else while our heart still beat for them? Why do they treat us this way while our intention is only love and to be with them?

យំ

U know what? I've just cried silently without a specific reason, sounds redicilous, right? Yeah! But it's too painful. I dunno why I usually cry like that, wanna sit alone in a dark place, can't control own self. I feel I'm so useless, I feel empty, feel so complicated!!! What do I want? who am I? Why am I here?