I know we can’t never be more than friends.But I still can’t cut myself off from you.I know you can’t love me as I love you.I know you are a good friend.you are a person.who always listens to all my stories.Always encourage everyone.you are the one who always shares your fun with everyone. And you are the only one I love, you and you are my friend.It’s not wrong to love someone, but it’s wrong to love someone you should not love.Sorry for always bothering you.I will try. Thanks for help me all everything.I wish you. #Dear Phalla
fri: heyy! He left, why u still waiting for him Me: coz you only need the light when it’s burning low_ only miss the sun when it start to snow_ only u love him when u let him go. I really miss him so bad and I’m still here waiting u. គេទៅបាត់ទើបស្តាយក្រោយ😢😭 #2016 #English School #Province
I know u have feeling on me, but don't know begin when. We both talk like a sweet couple, u call me bby I call u bby too. But u know! Everytime I did I feel embarrassed. Honestly, I'm not sure about that. When u confessed I always pretend not to know and changed our talking topic. Another thing that I can't accept u is bec I clearly don't have feeling on u. Everytime I think about u but never seen u. Maybe I still love #R, cuz he always exist in my dream when I think about u. I'm still thinking and asked myself " what should I do?? ". Now I got the answer, maybe I should let u go n end up our fake relationship. I'm sorry! I never want to hurt u. Maybe someone waiting for u, so let begin with her not me. #P
It's been a while since our last conversation, at first I've gone through many hardships and confusion, wondering what was the real reason. After some time have passed I've come to the realization stage where I realized many things. I realized what is the thing that makes you upset, the words I could say, and the actions that I could do to make things better. I understand why you always want me to change. I'm so happy to see that you're doing well with your life journey right now. I wish that one day you can open up for me once again and I'll make sure that you meet a better version of me. I don't want you to build me for another person.
I have been living on a fence between being normal, socially constructed, like most of everyone else, and being true to my cognitive self. To set up the premise, I am currently working as a software developer. I've been coding just so I know how to make games but that is still easier said than done. Being torn between work for my family and walking for my own can sometimes be discouraging. Is it lunacy to chase a near impossible spectrum of goals given where we are living? and leave behind our own flesh and blood even though just for a brief period of time compared to the whole life span in which we humans can live? The idea of knowing your own value is so vaguely destructive due to never being taught before how to measure that aspect of our own internal value, which spawn ignorance and esteem issues. "Pick the one you love", they said. The idealistic entity in which all of my hopes and expectations combined has nothing more but shattered due to the chaotic nature of nature itself. I fear the unknown, the dread of not knowing what to come next. The dread of nothing matters. I can only work towards it but how it ends will frighten me nonetheless.
After turning 18 years old a day ago, one of my sister’s friends became very touchy towards me. I still remember on my birthday party, after I drank I went to sleep and he came near me and started to hug-sleep but not to hard since my sister was there too. I felt uncomfortable with him after that but decided to ignore it since I have known him for awhile. Yet, on the next day of my birthday party, I went to the bathroom and I saw his phone hanging on his pant. I was very shocked back then but still I am trying to ignore the facts that whether his intention is good or not. Should I ignore it or believe my own instinct ?
I was made to believe. I underserved of love - both from others and myself. 22 and never date not even once. I never understand the feeling of having another human soul connected to me cause whenever I feel good with someone, a part of me always whisper to my ear “you pieces of shit and don’t deserve anybody’s love. How can a loser fall in love? Don’t you ever see urself in the mirror? How ugly u are? How dump u are? How helpless u are?” These questions always keep repeating day and night until now I started to believe I underserved of love both from others and myself. :)
I think I’ve built a very convenient Persona for myself to get by this world. Everywhere I go, Every group of people, or everyone that I met, I know what they see me but not in me, they find I’m a very polite, friendly, good manner person. I know this, because that is all my persona shows them. But their instincts would tell them to be care to approach me with their good intentions, maybe it’s a friendship or love. Their instincts would tell them, I’m not just they see, there are something more beneath that. And it’s right, I’m hiding myself under this forged amour because I can’t be who I actually want to be. How I was treat from a very young age had traumatized me to be myself. I’ve lived my life forged with lies that I tell myself, that now it makes me terrified to unfold the truth. Now at the end of everyday, I feel so empty, like an empty void that can’t never be filled. I named this “empty bin”, because that’s just how I am, loud but empty. I’m tired of this life. Even though I know life is pain and suffering, but how I still couldn’t get used to if? And it’s even more tragic if you live a life with full of self-deception. lately, all I could think of is, how to die and leave no pain to everyone around me. “How should this empty bin should leave?…”
Can I talk about my family problem here? Can I share my pain here? This is not a pain of relationships it about family. From an outside look, I look like I live in a very warm and lovely family. I have mom I have dad I have brother, but still feel so empty. A family whom more like just a roommate, a house which suit better as a rent room. We live together but we don't share things together anymore. There are no trust in us, we question each other everyday, there no trust and loyalty in us, we accuse each other as cheater everyday. Mom and dad wanting to separate mom still together because they want me to have a full family but I never feel full. Do u understand this feeling? I feel so hopeless drain hurt and empty. I don't know why I still need to live?.