Empty Bin

I think I’ve built a very convenient Persona for myself to get by this world. Everywhere I go, Every group of people, or everyone that I met, I know what they see me but not in me, they find I’m a very polite, friendly, good manner person. I know this, because that is all my persona shows them. But their instincts would tell them to be care to approach me with their good intentions, maybe it’s a friendship or love. Their instincts would tell them, I’m not just they see, there are something more beneath that. And it’s right, I’m hiding myself under this forged amour because I can’t be who I actually want to be. How I was treat from a very young age had traumatized me to be myself. I’ve lived my life forged with lies that I tell myself, that now it makes me terrified to unfold the truth. Now at the end of everyday, I feel so empty, like an empty void that can’t never be filled. I named this “empty bin”, because that’s just how I am, loud but empty. I’m tired of this life. Even though I know life is pain and suffering, but how I still couldn’t get used to if? And it’s even more tragic if you live a life with full of self-deception. lately, all I could think of is, how to die and leave no pain to everyone around me. “How should this empty bin should leave?…”

Feeling bottled up?

Recommended Posts

I miss our moment.

I know you dont want to be in a relationship. You used to tell me that. It's my fault that i keep falling for you. You're too good to not falling for. You bought me my fav food, bring me to the place I want to go. Late night drive around city, hold hands... You gave me a tight hug, a hug i would never felt the same with anyone else. And now look at us.. we dont even talk anymore... i miss you. I miss your voice, your scent, everything about you. I miss our moment. I dont know what to call it but at least i had you and u're my happy place. At least I got moment... a moment that i'd never forget. 😞 I know we're only had each other for a short period of time but that's so unforgettable... it wasnt long but i know that it was something even there's no way to it. I miss you... i wish we could be us again, forget about anything and be the happy "us" just like we used too... too shy to say but i really hope u stay... #N💓</3

How to stop getting attached too easily?

How to stop getting attached too easily? Because it feels foolish to know I'm the only one who still recalls the little moments when the other person has already forgotten about me and is enjoying someone else's company better, I'm the only who felt sad when we said goodbye that day, the only one who actually listened and remembers small details. I looked ridiculous for getting upset with the person's words and expecting them to understand how I felt, you know, that pathetic feeling of getting mad តែឯងៗ lol. What's even more foolish is that they have always set boundaries and made it clear that there's nothing between us. Yet, I still managed to catch all these weird feelings.

I love you

I don't think you lied when you said " I love you " You meant it, but the love is not strong enough. Not strong enough to care about me; not strong enough to ever afraid of losing me; not strong enough to change for me; not strong enough to ask me to stay. And you let me go. I should have asked you when you said you love me. How much is the love...? 'cause now I'm suffering in the consequences of loving you too hard alone... I don't regret meeting you... But sometimes I wish I should have turned away the first time I met you... I wish I didn't choose to trust you. I wish I hadn't let myself fall for you. I wish.

What I did, I do and I’ve done.

I asked you to move on and find someone who would give u the love that you deserve. U did. I promise that we still be friend afterwards. And I keep our promise. Lastly, you have found your happiness as my will for you has been fulfilled. Everything goes as planned, but why I’m still hurt?

I was lonely

Rejection is what I hear the most from day to day. Most of the time, I invite friends or more to hang out with me, yet they reject my favor. Thus, I create a new concept where I can live my life happy even if there is no one wants to be around me. It is called date yourself. Go on a trip, shopping, having a luxurious dinner, buying what I love, all by yourself. As I view from this perspective, I feel less lonely and enjoy my day much more.

Request for DIS

I’m not sure if I can request this here but can DIS provide wifi for students too? Pleaseeee🙄 (Not sure whether they already provide or not)

Old notes

I felt inspired by watching the rain through my bedroom’s window with my light off. What if the rain were just like us human when crying? Those droplets were just like our tears. Those rumbled thunder was just like us yelling out for help, and those lighting strikes were like us trying to hurt ourselves. It would be unfair if so. Instead of having friends staying besides to comfort like human, the rain doesn’t. Even worse, people would just run away as fast as they can just to avoid it; they get scared, cover their ears even eyes, and curse when they see or hear it thundering. I am one of them too. I get scared and cover my ears when hearing ones. But now, by sitting in my room and considering it, I feel sorry for it. Imagine having no one to turn to or understand you when you need them, and that’s how the sky feels right now. It has been hiding its pain for so long that it couldn’t hold it back anymore, so it had to let it out by pouring rain on us, hopelessly crying and asking for help. That’s why I sit here in my room looking at you and admire you from afar without you noticing or even knowing that I exist. You are doing a great job. Yes! Let it all out; however, I can’t assure you that there won’t be any day like this again, but one step at a time. Remember all those days that the sun was burning all of the creatures on earth while you were their savior? You gave us rain, shades, and good days to us. We are grateful for that. You know what? Without you raining (crying and getting things out of your chest), the presence of rainbow means nothing at all. Therefore, look at those good things you have done for us to keep you going. #sciencefailed

.

Please approve cf title: what if?