I think it hits me again…

I think the dep hits me again. I noticed by when my heartbeat started to go fast, sometimes I feel suffocated, I couldn’t catch my breath, I couldn’t concentrate, my hands get shaky, my body feel weak, I got lost of interest in making any decisions, my weight started to lost again. I hate to fall into the conditions but I couldn’t help. I tried asking for help but it doesn’t work, it only makes me feel like I’m different, especially when they try to be too careful with me (it looks to fake, I could see it) It is amazing how my mood changes too quickly, I was just laughing and talking a lot yesterday, but today everything become a sorrow story again. I used to think of getting a therapist, asking an expert on my conditions, but the fact that I was under control by my family and that I couldn’t ride or drive any transportation method at all, make me feel even more bad and useless. I also used to think about reaching them via email or phone calls, but I was too scared, it was too hard for me to make myself do it, so I decided I gave up seeking for mental specialist. I chose to be healed by my own. (I really did heal myself but there was a lot of time the demon hits me back and forth, sometimes I feel really happy and the next minutes I feel like k*lling myself) I don’t know what else should I do. Are there anyone who will be the light for me?

Feeling bottled up?

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2025-08-14

Beers and cigarettes

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2025-08-14

Crushing my classmate

So we attend the school event together. And at the dinner time we all dressed with certain dress codes. She looks damn gorgeous🥺 I didn't tell her that tho, I might get caught. Then, there was a dancing session, and we got each other. I got to hold her hand and her jongkes as we danced to couple random songs. This was the best part of the event. I doubt she knows that I like her. Would you ladies like your classmates?🥺
2025-08-14

I am the problem

Why am I the problem? Even if your know how they treated me? If I’m always the problems, there’s no reason to stay alive.

2025-08-14

I wish I hadn't born in this world

I was born with the problem nothing they gonna stay by my side

2025-08-14

The good guy

ធ្លាប់ជួបមនុស្សដែលអ្នកតែងតែប្រាថ្នាអត់? យើងធ្លាប់តែស្រឡាញ់មនុស្សម្នាក់ហើយ ចូលចិត្តស្រឡាញ់ម្នាក់ហ្នឹងក្នុងរូបភាពនៃការស្រម៉ៃរបស់ខ្លួនឯង ដែលយើងហៅថា "Falling in love with the idea of the person"។ ប៉ុន្តែអ្នកធ្លាប់គិតអត់ថាមនុស្សដែលអ្នកសម្រម៉ៃក្នុងខួរក្បាលហ្នឹង អាចនឹងជាមនុស្សពិតប្រាកដក្នុងជីវិតពិត? សង្ឃឹមតិចណាស់មែនអត់? អ្នកក៏ធ្លាប់ស្រម៉ៃថា បើម្នាក់ហ្នឹងចេះសួរសុខទុក្ខយើងរាល់ថ្ងៃ បារម្ភ ផ្ដល់ក្ដីស្រឡាញ់ នាំយើងញ៉ាំអីដែលយើងចូលចិត្ត សួរនាំពីអ្វីគ្រប់យ៉ាងដែលយើងចង់បាន លើកទឹកចិត្តយើងរហូតក្នុងការងារ ឬអ្វីដែលយើងធ្វើ...មិនដឹងយើងស្រឡាញ់ម្នាក់ហ្នឹងប៉ុណ្ណាទេ។ ជឿអត់ថាការស្រម៉ៃមួយហ្នឹងក្លាយជាការពិត? មិនដឹងថាទេវតាទើបតែស្ដាប់ឮពាក្យបន់ស្រន់របស់ខ្ញុំឬយ៉ាងណាទេ ប៉ុន្តែខ្ញុំក៏បានជួបម្នាក់នោះ។ គេមិនមែនស្រឡាញ់តែខ្ញុំទេ គេយកចិត្តទុកដាក់ទាំងគ្រួសារខ្ញុំ គេល្អមករហូត ព្រោះមិនមែនជាសកម្មភាពដែលយើងធ្លាប់ឃើញមនុស្សប្រុសល្អដាក់យើងតែដំបូងទេ។ គេបន្តសកម្មភាពនោះច្រើនខែណាស់។ ពេលវេលាចេះតែដើរទៅមុខ ទង្វើរបស់គេមិនមែនខ្សោយទៅៗទេ ប៉ុន្តែគេកាន់តែល្អជាងមុន កាន់ធ្វើឲខ្ញុំមានអារម្មណ៍ថា ម្នាក់នេះខុសពីអ្នកដទៃ។ ខ្ញុំចាប់អារម្មណ៍ដឹងថាគេជា មនុស្សដែលខ្ញុំតែងតែប្រាថ្នា ជាមនុស្សដែលខ្ញុំហៅថា "idea of the person I love"។ ពេលដែលខ្ញុំដឹងហើយ ខ្ញុំបានផ្ដល់ឱកាសឲខ្លួនឯងបើកចិត្តទទួលយកគេ ព្រោះខ្ញុំមានអារម្មណ៍ថា ខ្ញុំនិងគេដូចជា 2 broken souls ជួបគ្នាចឹង។ ខ្ញុំគិតថាដល់ពេលដែលអាចសាកទៅជិតគេជាងនេះ ស្គាល់ពីគេជាងនេះ ទើបពួកយើងបានជួបគ្នានៅក្រៅ។ ការដែលជួបគ្នានៅក្រៅ គេក៏នៅតែល្អចឹង និយាយទៅដូច បានជួបការស្រម៉ៃខ្លួនឯងក្នុងជីវិតពិតចឹង។ តែអ្នកទាំងអស់គ្នាដឹងថាចម្លែកម៉េចអត់? អារម្មណ៍ខ្ញុំ!! គឺវា!! អត់មាន😞។ ឲនិយាយថាម៉េចទៅ?? ខ្ញុំប្រហែលជាអត់ស្រឡាញ់គេទេ!! ហើយអ្នកអានឆ្ងល់អត់ ថាម៉េចអត់ស្រឡាញ់បើល្អចឹងហើយ?? ខ្ញុំឆ្លើយអត់ចេញទេ។ គ្រាន់តែដឹងថាខ្ញុំបានប្រើពេលវេលា ព្យាយាមស្រឡាញ់គាត់ ព្រោះខ្ញុំដឹងក្នុងចិត្តថាគាត់ជាមនុស្សដ៏សែនល្អ ហើយខ្ញុំមិនដឹងពេលណាបានជួបមនុស្សល្អដូចគាត់ទៀតទេ។ ខ្ញុំចាប់ផ្ដើមកុហកខ្លួនឯង ថាប្រហែលជាមិនទាន់ស្រឡាញ់ ឬត្រូវការពេលបន្តិចទៀត...។ ប៉ុន្តែខ្ញុំអាត្មានិយមណាស់! បើអត់ស្រឡាញ់គេហើយ ម៉េចមិនប្រាប់គេ? ខ្ញុំអត់ទាន់ចង់បដិសេធព្រោះខ្ញុំចង់ស្រឡាញ់គេវិញដូចគ្នា។ អ្នកណាចង់បោះចោលមនុស្សល្អចឹង? មកដល់ពេលហ្នឹងទើបយល់ថាទេវតាឆ្លើយតបហ្នឹងការប្រាថ្នារបស់ខ្ញុំ ដោយឲខ្ញុំជួបមនុស្សក្នុងក្ដីស្រម៉ៃ ប៉ុន្តែខ្ញុំភ្លេចគិតថា ស្នេហាមិនមែនស្រឡាញ់តែម្ខាងទេ។ ខ្ញុំតែងសុំឲជួបមនុស្សដែលស្រឡាញ់ខ្ញុំ ប៉ុន្តែ ខ្ញុំមិនដែលធ្លាប់ប្រាថ្នាឲជួបមនុស្សដែលខ្លួនស្រឡាញ់ទេ។ យើងពិតជាមិនអាចព្រោះតែគេជាមនុស្សល្អ ត្រូវកុហកគេ និងកុហកខ្លួនឯងដើម្បីបោកប្រាស់ក្ដីស្រឡាញ់របស់គេទេ។ ចុងក្រោយគឺខ្ញុំសម្រេចចិត្ត និយាយការពិត ព្រោះទោះយូរប៉ុណ្ណាក៏មិនអាចឲចិត្តនេះស្រឡាញ់គេ ដូចដែលគេស្រឡាញ់ខ្ញុំដែរ។ ពួកយើងមាននិស្ស័យត្រឹមស្គាល់ បេះដូងគ្នា តែក៏មិនបានមានពេលវេលានៅក្បែរ ថែរក្សាយូរដែរ។ ខ្ញុំដឹងថាមនុស្សល្អមិនងាយរកបាន ប៉ុន្តែព្រោះតែអ្នកជាមនុស្សល្អ ខ្ញុំរឹតតែចង់ឲអ្នកជួបនឹងមនុស្សដែលអាចផ្ដល់ក្ដីស្រឡាញ់ឲអ្នកវិញដូចគ្នា។ និយាយដល់ចំណុចនេះទើបដឹងថា ក្ដីស្រឡាញ់គឺឋិតនៅលើយើងខ្លួនឯង វាអត់ឋិតនៅលើទង្វើរបស់ម្ខាងទៀតទេ ព្រោះមិនថាគេល្អយ៉ាងណា អាក្រក់យ៉ាងណា, បើស្រឡាញ់គឺស្រឡាញ់ បើអត់គឺអត់ហើយ។ រឿងនេះដូច តួឯកស្រី បដិសេធតួរងប្រុសចឹង។ អ្នកមើលឆ្ងល់ណាស់ម៉េចតួឯកស្រី មិនស្រឡាញ់តួរងប្រុសហ្នឹងចឹង ទាំងដែលតួរងប្រុសលះបង់គ្រប់យ៉ាង ហើយល្អគ្រប់10។ ពេលនេះខ្ញុំយល់អារម្មណ៍ហ្នឹងហើយ គ្រាន់តែរឿងខ្ញុំគ្មានតួឯកប្រុសទេ ហើយក៏មិនដឹងថា ថ្ងៃក្រោយតួឯកប្រុស ចេញមុខឲអ្នកទាំងអស់គ្នាអានឬក៏អត់ដែរ។ ដឹងត្រឹមថា I feel stupid for letting a good guy go, but at least I don't lie to anybody.
2025-08-14

I don't think I'm winning this life battle anymore!

Normal ppl don't know what it feels like to wake up everyday and wish I'm not alive. I hate waking up, I hate living, I hate being sad everyday. I'm tired of trying, sick of crying. I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying. Behind my smile is a hurting heart, behind my laugh I'm falling apart. Look closely at me and you'll see, the girl I am, it isn't me. I hate seeing everything blooming around me while I'm here still withering into nothingness, I feel like I'm already dead so what difference would it make. Sometimes I just wish I was dead, I wouldn't have to wake up everyday with regret. I wouldn't have to hate myself more than I already do. But most importantly I wouldn't have to feel pain anymore. I'm hiding what I'm feeling but I'm tired of holding this inside my head. I'm not feeling anything, I'm completely empty right now, it's making me depressed. When you're depressed you don't control your thoughts, your thoughts control you. I wish some ppl would understand this, especially my parent. Every thought is a battle, every breath is a war, and I don't think I'm winning anymore. I'm sorry for being like this. I'm sorry for being such a failure.
2025-08-14

My impossible crush

It sounds stupid of me but I still want to share it. First of all, i dint know that he had a gf, and I dint mean to like him as well. But he always tried to be close to me. I didn’t know when I started to like him. From day to day, I liked him more and more. One day I got to know that he already had a gf. Yeahh!!! I was shocked when I first heard. Yet, I couldn’t stop this feeling even I know it’s a Kama to love s.one else’s bf. You know, he acted like my bf. Always called me even he had nothing to say, made a video call to show me what he was doing, teased me, helped me with a little thing and etc…He even showed me of his younger pictures and his family members. At that time, I felt like I was in a relationship. I knew that it was impossible to go further but you know I just went with the flow even I knew it would hurt me but I still wanted it. I admit that I was selfish cuz sometimes I also wanted him and his gf break up and I always thought he would choose me over his gf. Unfortunately, he disappeared without noticed. Since then, we had no longer contacted to each other for almost two years now. Since we hadn’t followed each other on social media, so now I don’t know anything about him. If this message is happened on his new feed, I hope he would notice it. And I want to confess my feeling for him right now that I still have feeling for you but I don’t expect anything from you. I just want to show my feeling. That’s all from me. And lastly, I just wonder did u have any feeling for me a little bit?
2025-08-14

How u call it mature love?

Admin please comfirm this. Idk if this is so call mature love or love with a business man. My bf is a business man and also hard working man. I don't know if y'all believe in zodiac sign but he is gemini. 1st, let talk about chat, as i count the time we had a chat we only spend 40mn about personal stuff, if we had a long convo it about our work or bs. 2nd, the time we spend with each other outside most of the time also relate to work, we sit far from each other like a stranger or normal worker, but some told me he shown me respect to not touch me outside cause elder will look at me in discuss way if he does that. 3rd, he offen go to province or he so focus on his work he will ignore me for a day or more, like these days he called me he went to kpc 2 days ago then we didn't talk till now. Is this what u call mature? Is this love? I'm so confuse, cause i used to asked him for break up n he ignore me like nth had happened.