Beers and cigarettes

Growing up I never want to drink and smoke. Everybody know that it’s bad for your health plus nobody likes u if they know you did it. I’m a female , friendly and well educated. Nobody suspect me for smoke because I’m well behaved but deep down I’ve been addicted to smoke and drinks for 2 year already :( it help me release stress. I remember the first time I tried to smoke after cutting myself and it help me it make me realize that instead of killing myself I should smoke. Yes it’s a bad decision but I have no choice. School and family matter I can’t stand it plus my mental health. I hope nobody judge me for smoke and drink beers when they know it. I’m afraid everyone gonna find out about it and hate me I’m scared. Sorry for my bad English

Feeling bottled up?

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You will lost the moon while counting the stars

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ស្រមោលខ្មៅ...

វាប្រហែលជាស្រមោលមួយដែលខ្ញុំពិបាកនឹងយកឈ្នះបំផុត។ ខ្ញុំធ្លាប់មានស្នេហាមួយដែលអ្នករាល់គ្នាមើលមកហាក់ដូចល្អឥតខ្ចោះ ប្រហែលគ្មានថ្ងៃបែកគ្នានោះឡើយ។ ពេលវេលា ៦ឆ្នាំហាក់កន្លងផុតទៅយ៉ាងលឿន សៀវភៅមួយនោះត្រូវបានបាត់ខ្លឹមសារត្រឹមវណ្ណ:គ្រួសារ។ ខ្ញុំជាកូនអ្នកមធ្យមដែលមិនដែលខ្វះព្រឹកល្ងាច ហើយក៏មិនដែលត្រូវខ្វាយខ្វល់ពីបញ្ហាហិរញ្ញវត្ថុ តែត្រូវបានគាត់ប្រាប់ថាគ្រួសារគាត់មិនពេញចិត្តខ្ញុំព្រោះខ្ញុំគ្មានផ្ទះ គ្មានលុយ គ្មានឡាន គ្មានមុខរបរ។ ខ្ញុំទទួលស្គាល់ថាការមិនពេញចិត្តនេះគឺត្រូវព្រោះអ្វីដែលខ្ញុំមានពេលនោះជារបស់គ្រួសារទាំងអស់ ខ្ញុំទើបតែចាប់ផ្តើមរៀនឆ្នាំទី២ប៉ុណ្ណោះ។ ខ្ញុំបានប្រែក្លាយជាមនុស្សម្នាក់ដែលងប់ងល់នឹងការរកស៊ីបំផុតដើម្បីអោយខ្លួនសមនឹងគេ។ តែខ្ញុំហាក់ដូចជាកាន់តែអស់សង្បឹមនឹងបន្តទៅទៀត ព្រោះអ្នកមានដែលគេរកសុទ្ធតែជាកូនអ្នកលក់ឡានធំៗនៅក្នុងស្រុក។ ក្រោយខ្ញុំមានអ្វីគ្រប់យ៉ាងទាំងមុខរបរនិងហិរញ្ញវត្ថុ ក៏សម្រេចមានទំនាក់ទំនងជាមួយនារីម្នាក់សាមញ្ញនិងល្អខ្លាំងសម្រាប់ខ្ញុំ ប៉ុន្តែសៀវភៅមួយនេះត្រូវបានបញ្ចប់ត្រឹមគ្រួសារម្តងទៀតព្រោះខ្ញុំអាយុប្អូនគាត់។ ក្រោយមកខ្ញុំបានជួបនារីម្នាក់ទៀតដែលល្អនិងសាកសមនឹងខ្ញុំ។ គាត់ជាមនុស្សម្នាក់ដែលធ្វើអោយខ្ញុំមានអារម្មណ៌ស្ងប់និងសុវត្ថិភាពពេលមានវត្តមានគាត់នៅជិត។ គាត់ជាបុគ្គលម្នាក់ដែលខ្ញុំចង់មើលថែនិងផ្តល់ភាពកក់ក្តៅដែលគាត់ត្រូវការ។ ខ្ញុំនឹងគាត់តបសារគ្នារាល់ថ្ងៃក្នុងនាមជាមិត្ត ខ្ញុំគិតថានាងបានដឹងពីចិត្តរបស់ខ្ញុំចំពោះនាង ប៉ុន្តែខ្ញុំនៅតែមិនអាចស្មានយល់ពីនាងបាន។ ត្រឹមខ្លាចមិនហ៊ានបោះជំហានទៅមុខព្រោះតែខ្លាចការបដិសេធម្តងទៀត ខ្ញុំបានព្យាយាមម្តងហើយម្តងទៀតប៉ុន្តែនៅតែមិនអាចដើរចេញពីភាពភ័យខ្លាចនៃស្រមោលខ្មៅ។ តើខ្ញុំគួរធ្វើបែបណាដើម្បីជំនះភាពភ័យខ្លាចមួយនេះ?

2025-08-14

One last chance

If you ask me, it breaks me in million of pieces trying to say " No, it's the end between us." I badly wish you were the right one, who came in the right time. But being in a relationship with you really make doubt if it was not a mistake. It's silly, but it has be admitted that loving you each and every cost the loss of myself. I have felt the loss and miserable self for a long time ago before I finally asked for closure. Tbh, loving didn't make me feel exited to discuss about our future at all. Instead, I spent most of the time trying to figure how to detach myself from you. I questioned how can I unlove you. The only thing I felt was falling for you too deep that I still wanted your love while knowing I was being ignored and mistreated for many times. I was trying my best to fight with my heart, and let the love go. I did give you chances, too. But you ruined them yourself. You came and ask for the last one??? No, darling. NOT AGAIN. You know when you go against your conscientiousness, ego, pride to admit that you should have said "I will try to change for you." on the night be broke up, I went through sadness again. Why? I have to keep my answer unchanged even though I badly want to be in love with you. I was afraid to love you again, to lose myself again, to know that hurt me again, and still love you. I was so scared. What if I started to never recognise my worth, and blindly love you again? What if it happened again? I don't know if I could save myself one more time if I let you in my life for the last time. I wish you know how to love me. Just a little bit more. That could have been enough for us... I'm sorry! But you're late to do so.
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Broke dude

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2025-08-14

Influence

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2025-08-14

I don't think I'm winning this life battle anymore!

Normal ppl don't know what it feels like to wake up everyday and wish I'm not alive. I hate waking up, I hate living, I hate being sad everyday. I'm tired of trying, sick of crying. I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying. Behind my smile is a hurting heart, behind my laugh I'm falling apart. Look closely at me and you'll see, the girl I am, it isn't me. I hate seeing everything blooming around me while I'm here still withering into nothingness, I feel like I'm already dead so what difference would it make. Sometimes I just wish I was dead, I wouldn't have to wake up everyday with regret. I wouldn't have to hate myself more than I already do. But most importantly I wouldn't have to feel pain anymore. I'm hiding what I'm feeling but I'm tired of holding this inside my head. I'm not feeling anything, I'm completely empty right now, it's making me depressed. When you're depressed you don't control your thoughts, your thoughts control you. I wish some ppl would understand this, especially my parent. Every thought is a battle, every breath is a war, and I don't think I'm winning anymore. I'm sorry for being like this. I'm sorry for being such a failure.
2025-08-14

🥑

Just because I'm okay now doesn't mean that the feeling I lost will come back.

2025-08-14

Sunflower

This sunflower is wilting… so love you, for me. Take care of your heart and soul. Some couples just don’t work out and… that’s okay… I guess…. as long as your life works out fine. At the end of the day, you are still a part of me. Thank you for showing up back then… I enjoyed my time with you… hope you did too. If ever our path crosses again, I want to know that you’re succeeding in life. I want to hear about your dream come true. My darling, you are not cursed nor broken. You are just bent as you were adapting to life circumstances. You are perfect the way you are so let nobody tell you otherwise. Love you, for me.