Wish we were a happy family

Where I stand

Day by day, I started to know where I stand in everyone’s life. I’m that friend who is there when they need something. I’m that daughter who is responsible for every big and little things inside and outside the household. I’m that granddaughter who is just a female. I’m that sister who doesn’t deserve the respect. I’m that niece who got compared with the cousins’ parents and got hated by my own cousins. I’m that girlfriend who loves too much and also being a little too much that sometimes it suffocates him. Every eyes and words that look and say to me, make me feel small worthless. Whenever i try to explain what happen and both me, I got shouted back, not listening to me, first they comfort and still act the same. It’s hard coming home everyday and get the cold look from everyone and no one in the house actually talking to you. I have to repeat myself over 3 times to get the answer or someone attention. The only time I get someone to care enough for my well-being or existence is when I commit suicide.

Ignore green flag but get lost with red flag

I hate myself that I still see red flag whom I put everything into it but it doesn’t seem any development. But I do ignore green flag whom always ask me about my 3 meals per days, the first one that come to his mind after he woke up and sent me good morning every morning and good night text before he go to sleep, to ask how my day was, how tiring am I after work, did I get home safe, can he have this or this, replies to my every freaking stories…..etc. But I actually ignored him just for the red flag whom I only get his texts when he’s drunk or h-rny because we both do! Also I’m always waiting his text, his replies, and sometime I heard the things that I shouldn’t have to hear it. But I do. Is there anyone who relate to this? And did u overcome it? If yes, how? And if not, hope we’d overcome it sooner.

Healing

Although my ex-boyfriend cheated on me , I’ve learned to move on without having anyone new. Deep down inside, this process is literally miserable since he’s the only one on my mind. After 2 months of breakup, I can say i don’t utterly heal from this heartbreak , but my inner wound has been gradually healing day by day to the point where I finally say I’m better off without him . To all the heart-broken girls out there, don’t pressure yourself. Moving on is not easy as some people say , but one day, pain that you have tried to handle will be finally withdrawn. Embrace yourself as much as possible. Self-love is a must.

reply to #KJ0376

after seeing this post, i can sense immediately it's maybe from you! it doesn't mean that, after i got gf i ignored u or take this friendship for granted! you know, you should look from different perspectives, u should communicate or ask me directly because there're thing that u don't really know. i still care about you and checking up on u, but not everyone has energy to communicate all the time. we can't be that stable everyday, too! i still valued u and the friendship but please understand my side as well! i don't even reply my gf that fast too! even my few years of friendship, i didn't text withthem that much too! im so tired with my life lately, please understand that I need time for some break as well!

2025-08-14

Love and Trauma

"Why did we break up?" It has been exactly 49 days since the day you told me that you feel off and you cannot continue this. I've been questioning myself and there were a lot of question marks in my head. Back then to day one, you told me I was your everything and your life would be hell without me. I told you that my previous relationship gave me a lot of traumas and I was scared to start a new relationship because once I love you, I commit and put 100% feeling and effort into it. You promise and you were being vulnerable to me. I decided to trust you and love you wholeheartedly. Our relationship was so pure, lovely, cute, happy until the very last day. The day that another part of me collapse. The day that every promise is broken. The day that you gave up on me. How could we suddenly break up? You gave me the love that make me feel everything then suddenly it dropped to 0. It is sting no matter how much many times I am trying to apply the medicine. It's difficult to picture it without that person because we were having a dream together and I already pictured you everywhere with me. I can't help but think about you in the middle of the night. I can't help but fantasize about a time when everything was fine. Again, I am living in a trauma that haunt me every single day. A trauma that told me that I would never be enough for someone even I keep hearing you deserve better but deep inside me told me that "IF I AM ENOUGH, HE WOULD NOT GIVE UP ON ME." Thank you for giving me love that I always want to feel but never want to leave. It gave me pain, trauma, and fear but I am glad that we come across each other in this lifetime. We broke up but "Once upon the time, my heart was yours." I love you, a_y

Feeling and reason are at war...

It was not right how I thought I could control my feelings since I was traumatized by how I was treated... It was not right how I thought my emotions could be detached if I belived so... It was not right how you just became a part of me, my emotion, my life without me knowing... It was not right how it could affect me this much just by not getting your text... I mean since when have you become this important to me? For some reasons, I think we have the mutual feelings, but it is just not right for us to be together because we are traumatized by our experiences, is it? Or has it been one-sided? I just feel confused and I fear that it would take too much time to move on... becuase you are always on my mind now. Us being able to talk again or not, I am not sure. What I am sure is that talking to you was one best experience. I enjoy it and I hope you feel the same. :)