Where I stand

Day by day, I started to know where I stand in everyone’s life. I’m that friend who is there when they need something. I’m that daughter who is responsible for every big and little things inside and outside the household. I’m that granddaughter who is just a female. I’m that sister who doesn’t deserve the respect. I’m that niece who got compared with the cousins’ parents and got hated by my own cousins. I’m that girlfriend who loves too much and also being a little too much that sometimes it suffocates him. Every eyes and words that look and say to me, make me feel small worthless. Whenever i try to explain what happen and both me, I got shouted back, not listening to me, first they comfort and still act the same. It’s hard coming home everyday and get the cold look from everyone and no one in the house actually talking to you. I have to repeat myself over 3 times to get the answer or someone attention. The only time I get someone to care enough for my well-being or existence is when I commit suicide.

Feeling bottled up?

Recommended Posts

2025-08-14

What were we?

I couldn’t call it an end because we have never begun anything. We were friends, but both of us have crossed the line. He told me that he had feelings for me, that he wanted to be with me, but he wouldn’t be committed to me. Later on I asked him what were we, he ignored my question and changed the topic. I guess that’s where my insecure became worse. He always had time for everything except me. For his movies, games, football, friends... He always forgot things that he said he will do with me. From small daily things to dates. Whenever I was feeling down, he ignored me. I kept being insecure and mad over everything, and finally he fell out of love. I guess it was my fault. For being broken and unable to love properly. I didn’t know if I am to blame or the environment I’m in is. However, he was different. He was enthusiastic about everything in life. Maybe, we weren’t just meant to be. We were too different. From background to personality. Now, I think he’s seeing someone new. Honestly, I felt miserable. I questioned myself if I was that easy to forget and replace? Did everything between us mean nothing for him? Was he just lonely and that’s not love for him? Whatever it is, I wish him all the best. I hope he’s happy with her. That’s the last thing I can do for him, giving him the peace he’s always wanted. I learned my lesson here. There’s no way someone will be ready for you if they weren’t from the start. Don’t wait for them. When they aren’t sure about you, and won’t commit, leave. Turn away and run and never coming back.

2025-08-14

Karma

I was loved and treated right by my ex. It was my first relationship so I never realize how precious it was until I lost it. I wasn’t matured enough to accept the fact that long lasting relationship includes arguments, those boring days where we also get tired of one another, forgiving and stepping backwards. I left him because I was looking for my “ideal relationship” and ofc I found it. But I’m paying the price, the price is being a chaser and still got neglected. Now I truely understand how my ex felt and how tired he was from all the efforts that he made. Though I never admit this outside but I always think about it everyday. The reason that I won’t admit is not because of the ego, but because I have to hide my vulnerability so that everyone think that I finally found my perfect man and hoping that will help my ex to move on, because before we broke up, we made a promise to look out for one another and he told me that he won’t move on unless I’m happy with my relationship. But don’t get me wrong, I am happy in my relationship but it’s like a roller coaster, some days I’m on cloud 9, some days I feel all gloomy. If you’re happen to read this, I just want to apologize for mistreating you and thank you for all the love, efforts and valuable lessons you gave me. Though we don’t talk anymore, hope we’re still cool.

2025-08-14

If we’re really meant to be, we’ll meet again:)

Maybe this lifetime isn’t for us. I just hope you will be happy with your marriage. After all these years, I am the only one who fooled myself into this hopeless love. You did it. You made me feel like a fool. I had caught myself smiling while texting you, waiting for you and now? Now you’re with someone else and even getting married? How am I supposed to feel. That moment when you told me about the date of your marriage, what was I supposed to tell you? Congratulations? I don’t even know how to feel now. It felt so real for me, but I guess we just end up as best friend even after everything we’ve had together. You even told me that I will and always be the one? No one will ever replace me? I have no right to do anything except congrats you, seeing you be happy with someone else. Thank you for everything. Thanks for making me feel so special even if you don’t mean it. Because I will never not think about you.

2025-08-14

How many time?

How many time do i have to say sorry? I don’t know why I’m the one who said sorry every time my ex texted me. What did i do wrong? Did i cheat like he did? No. But why do I have to keep saying sorry? Is it because i break up with him while he’s cheating behind my back? Do I have to say sorry every fucking time he send me a text that’s he misses me? Please stop haunting me. Im scared, fr. I’m wrong for breaking one’s heart, but who’s responsible for my heartbreak? No one. Please stop i’m begging. I always want my ex to be my friend, no matter how we end it. I still love them as a friend but this guy haunt me like a ghost that I don’t want to mention that I’ve ever been with him. The aftermath is a mess💀

2025-08-14

Your supporter

I will support you in everything you do which also includes your decision in leaving me. It's not what I want, but if that's what you want and it will make you happy, I'm willing to suffer alone. please be really really happy, so that I know I made a right decision.

2025-08-14

Stuck

People said that your friends are the one who help you with emotional support, but why do I feel like I have no one yet I have a lot of them. Flashbacks keep hunting me and it turns into nightmares, which I can’t escape. I can’t find even one person to talk to. I can’t find the solutions to solve the problems, but believe me I’m trying. I felt so angry and stupid and just unmotivated. I have no energy to continue doing what I should be doing. Got any suggestions to help me, please comment down. Thanks in advance and appreciate your help!

2025-08-14

5Year

៥ឆ្នាំដែលស្គាល់អូន ៥ឆ្នាំដេលបងឈឺចាប់ 5ឆ្នាំដែលបងហត់នឿយ ៥ឆ្នាំដេលបងលះបង់ 5ឆ្នាំដេលបងពិបាក ៥ឆ្នាំដេលបងបានបាត់បងអ្វីៗគ្រប់យ៉ាង ៥ឆ្នាំនៃសុបិន្តអាក្រក់ តែ5ឆ្នាំនេះ បងនៅតែស្រលាញ់អូន

2025-08-14

So close, yet so far

It was all started in grade 12. We have been friends for almost a decade already but we were only get close when covid 19 started. Just friend but I feel so lonely when ur gone. Feel weird, right? We always hang out, on phone call, arguing over small things and update each other on everything we do. To be honest, I feel safe I feel warm I feel good when I’m with you, I like to have you being around even we’re doing nothing and all my sadness are gone. I like how you tell me about your bad day, when u did sth wrong, about the girl you like and everything. I like your presence I like all the attention you gave me but you always made me feel stupid, guilty when sth happened and my toxic trait is that I always distance myself when I’m mad and that where we were apart from time to time. Yes, I was always the one who run away because If not I will end up crying. I don’t say it’s my fault or your fault because we both don’t have any commitment in this thing, we were just playing around but still, I wish you The Best! P.S. If you want to come back and hang out sometime. Call me :) -See you next time 👋