Where I stand

Day by day, I started to know where I stand in everyone’s life. I’m that friend who is there when they need something. I’m that daughter who is responsible for every big and little things inside and outside the household. I’m that granddaughter who is just a female. I’m that sister who doesn’t deserve the respect. I’m that niece who got compared with the cousins’ parents and got hated by my own cousins. I’m that girlfriend who loves too much and also being a little too much that sometimes it suffocates him. Every eyes and words that look and say to me, make me feel small worthless. Whenever i try to explain what happen and both me, I got shouted back, not listening to me, first they comfort and still act the same. It’s hard coming home everyday and get the cold look from everyone and no one in the house actually talking to you. I have to repeat myself over 3 times to get the answer or someone attention. The only time I get someone to care enough for my well-being or existence is when I commit suicide.

Feeling bottled up?

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Lack of love....

Where should i start with? From which part should i start telling? Hi! I am a 19 years old girl who still get beating by a dad if i ever stand up for myself, asking for my right. I am an 19 years old girl who still to all the scolding, mocking, cursing even tho i earn my own money for 3ys already. I never feel the love that a parents should be giving to their child. They only end up make me feel insecure about myself, losing confident from time to time and end up locking myself for 1 years 6months in the house. Each time i got hit by my dad my mom stood aside watching and sometime she act like nothing happen. She never teach me to fight back she only told me to keep shut and let my dad hit me and same go to my brother when he get hit by my dad. Dad often told me he love me that why he yelling and do violence on me. He never compete his role as he dad. He never even know what i am doing each day never even appreciate my success nor being happy with my highest score, rate in any competition and class..... What can i say? Ik i'm strong and smart. But i am a girl who lack of love. Tbh i sometime feeling to proud of myself bc looking to everything i did. There never a help from my parents.

Love is temporary, but my loyalty is eternal.

We've been dating for over a year. We promised each other at the time that if we broke up, we would be single for 5yrs. Unfortunately, we broke up. She had a new boyfriend a month after we broke up, and she did whatever she could to show me that she had gotten a better man than I am now. But she had no idea, however, that she had already broken a promise. I've been single for about 5 yrs, and the end of 2022 will officially be 5 years. Being single doesnt mean I cant get myself for a girlfriend. Because the promises we made to each other were genuine to me. After all, don't make promises if you can't keep them. :'3

You look so fine😊

You have no idea how much I miss you right now and how badly I wanna text to you. But don’t worry I won’t disturb you anymore. Thank for those moment you made me feel like im the one but you have somebody else.

Break the Vicious Cycle of Heartbreak

Dear beautiful souls Breakups are hard, we all been there but you’ve got to ask yourself how many times can the same person break you. How many times can the same person let you down, there must come a time when you come to your senses. A moment when you realize your worth. Ask yourself these questions. is it worth being unloved. Is it worth being misunderstood. You knew that you deserve much more than that but you're letting this pain go on over and over again, and it keeps cycling. you cry, you heal, you make-up to break-up with no end. Ask yourself when is it enough, and if you can’t answer it, then it’s time. You must re-evaluate everything, take time on yourself , set standards for yourself and you were born to live, to love and to learn and never have to go through endless cycle.

Him,

I don't know how to put it in words, but there's something strange inside me every time I think about you. I admit that I am the kind of person who has many opposite-gender crushes, yet no one ever makes me feel like you do. It's been 9 months now that I just can't stop thinking about you.I will be looking at you and listening to your voice every time I feel unmotivated. I always smile when I see your face through the screen. I take your every sentence seriously and am trying to get to know your point and think through that. You're my inspiration and motivation. At the same time, you've got a place in my heart, my pure heart. I hope that in the future, when I grow older than this, you are still single, so I can make a move lol. In addition, I think I like you or in love with you maybe, idk.

Wishes

The tough days I went through by myself, the darkness nights I cried without anyone knowing, the unexplainable thoughts I unable to solve, the overthinking idiot and the mentally tiring soul, I don’t freaking know how long I can deal with it anymore. I wish I could give myself the loves and comfort the way I always have for others. I wish I could put myself as my first priority AT LEAST FOR ONCE, but the freaking soft me can never do that. I wish I could speak my mind and express how I feel inside but the thought of people will leave me is frightening me. Sometimes all I need is comfort, but how can I expect people to comfort me when I can’t even do it to myself? I wish I could control the emotion I have against myself, but nahhh the stupid me don’t know how to do that. Maybe I’m the problematic one…

Toxic

I’m clingy, moody, insecure, have trust issues, self doubt, and lots of mental breakdown, which people categorize me as “toxic”. I’m trying to change. I really do, because I’m not feeling fine and happy with all those toxic traits too. I stay up every night questioning my own worth and existing. I don’t know why am I like this. And I thought, you would stay. I thought, you were different. I thought, you would wait for me to heal. Eventually, it was all my thought. Don’t take this wrong. I’m not blaming you. I was just hoping you stayed. I hope it was you who would have been there for me, but you have never been there with me on my bad days, not even once. I’m too much to be handled. I always know.[newLine*]Let’s be honest with me one last time, what is your feeling for me the last few months we talked? Did your feeling fade away? Was it not strong? From the start? Or from when I started to show you my true self? My dark side? [newLine*] I miss you, a lot. However, I know being with me is too tiring for people, I love you so much that I don’t want you to suffer with someone like me. I hope you’re with someone better, healthier, happier. Someone who loves life, someone who will match your energy, someone who is normal.

.....

These 3 years not a single day where i wish we would end up tgt but the more i held on to u the more i realized i never meant to be in ur life so i gave up