A long lost friend

HEYY, It’s been a long long time since we talked. I’ve tried to reach out to you about a few years ago but I’ve never been heard from you ever since. We have lost touch completely. I always miss you. I know that you’ve dealt with mental issues but I have no ideas how are you doing now. I have been dreaming about you a lot in these last few years and last night you popped up in my dream again and it felt so real that we were reunited. You’re still matters to me even though I have never been heard from you since I texted you few years ago. I just wanna know how have you been, how is your life. You’re no longer active on your social media and I have no idea if this post is gonna reach you but if so, I hope you know that I miss you. I know you must be doing well for yourself; but whatever it is you are doing, I hope you’re happy. Either of us are chooses our paths in life, and I guess your path just no longer intertwined with mine. But I hope you’re happy. Because I really do wish you the best. And I genuinely wish you well. It’s completely fine if you don’t want to reach out to me again. If it’s possible, please let me know that you’re alright and that’s what I want to hear from you. From someone who remembers and will always remember you.

Feeling bottled up?

Recommended Posts

2025-08-14

Nobody heard from me for months

I’ve been isolating myself from everyone for awhile now. I avoid meeting ppl, I don’t pick up calls or reply any chat from anyone, I put my phone on airplane mode everyday. To those who knows me, will know how normal it is for me to disappear every now and then. But this time I took a long break, I don’t know if ppl around me will be patient enough to deal with this break. I have this one habit of disappearing when things get tough and refuse to ask for help from anyone or showing my vulnerability to ppl. Things get tough lately to the point that everything become overwhelming to me, I can’t complete any task, I can’t even take care of myself. I used to be an achiever, a person who dream big and thrive for everything in life, want to do this and that, but things often take the wrong turn, then I failed from time to time, which leads me to choose on a plan B (which I’m not very fond of). Time goes by, I feel like I’m shifting further away from my dream, I’m forcing myself to do the thing that I don’t want to do, I feel like everything I do is just for the sake of existing, I don’t feel like I have a life anymore. Sometimes I just wish I have the power to erase myself from ppl memories, I just want them to forget about me so that I can end my life peacefully. I don’t want to carry remembrance, remorse, or sorrow to my after life. But that’s physically impossible. Sometimes I wonder what if I move away as far as possible, disconnecting from ppl until one day they forget who I was and start working on myself again until I’m in a good state and come back like nothing happened, will they still accept me? Will that make everything better? I feel bad yet grateful for those who often trying to help or checking up on me once in a while when they notice I’m not okay, I just want to say sorry for ignoring u but thanks for ur patience. It might look like I’m disregard ur empathy, but I just wanted u to know that I appreciate that a lot, even though I don’t say it and I value ur time, effort and everything. Just for the quick update for those who asking me ‘How’s thing? How’s life?’, not so good, but I’m thriving and doing my best to get by. Just for now, I need a break, a long big break from everything. I can’t continue at a stage like this. I’ve been building bad performance at school, at work and every task that I attempted to do. Therefore, I quit school, quit work, avoid any social social interaction at all cost. There’s just me and me atm. No I don’t have plan or know what to do next anymore. I’m just working on my inner me. Hoping I’ll be okay again very soon. So pls be patient with me, don’t give up on me just yet, I’ll be back…

2025-08-14

I wonder

I wonder how does it feel like to be loved and spoiled by someone? I wonder how does it feel like to have someone care and protect u at all cost? I wonder how does it feel like when someone say “ you are the world to me “ “ you are the reason I smile” I wonder how does it it feel like to know that after a long tiring day you actually have someone you can whines to? BUT I really can’t imagine someone actually love me . I can’t imagine someone having a crush on me. I can’t imagine someone thinking about me before they waking up or fall asleep.I can’t imagine someone getting butterflies in his stomach when I talk to or smile at him.I can’t imagine my presence make someone day brighter or happier. I can’t imagine someone smiling at their phone or get excited when we are talking . I can’t imagine someone want to see me everyday especially when their bad day. Cus this is ME. Why would they do that to or with me? I’m just ME. BUT IF I ever find someone someday. I can’t wait to spoil him too. I can’t wait to spend all the loves I have been saved for many years. I can’t wait to tell him how thankful I am for him. Maybe someday , Someday I can understand THESE kind of feeling too

2025-08-14

Her.

One of the hardest things that I’m doing right now is letting go of a person whom I never thought I would do. It’s the best for myself to be able to heal. I wrote my stories here probably a few times of how I love that person but in the end we’re just friends. I still have feelings for her and I don’t think I would ever lose those feelings, but the thing is I’m moving forward. I don’t stay in the same old place with the wonderful/painful memories. Honestly, she’s the first person that I’ve loved this much and I even told her that. Still, I need to accept the fact that it’s not gonna work and our connection can only be “best friend”. She told me that she met someone and she kinda loves that him too. So yeah. Sometimes you miss the memories and the times that you had spent with them but not the person themselves.

2025-08-14

I love you

I don't think you lied when you said " I love you " You meant it, but the love is not strong enough. Not strong enough to care about me; not strong enough to ever afraid of losing me; not strong enough to change for me; not strong enough to ask me to stay. And you let me go. I should have asked you when you said you love me. How much is the love...? 'cause now I'm suffering in the consequences of loving you too hard alone... I don't regret meeting you... But sometimes I wish I should have turned away the first time I met you... I wish I didn't choose to trust you. I wish I hadn't let myself fall for you. I wish.

2025-08-14

Hey Mr. Panda! I feel so hard 🥺

I've told myself to move on and give up on you. I've tried my best to forget you, to ignore you and to not talking to you. 🥺🥺🥺 BUT - Can you tell me why I can't take my eyes off from you? - Why I can't let you go? - Why my heart is hurting all the time that I miss you? - Why you don't care about me even a bit? - Why why and why? All the questions keep appearing in my mind every late night that I can't sleep. I am about to feel depressed with this stupid one-side lover. I am about to lose my happy signature because of you. I sometimes ask myself that why do you become this importance to me until I almost lose myself. The answer is loving someone without reasons called as real LOVE that's why I can't find any solution to solve this matter. Anyway, now I feel so hard, I wish you can comfort me and going on with me 🥺

2025-08-14

Block

Why you keep block and unblock me? What did I do wrong? Or what did you do wrong? What you feel? What you think? Are you trying to show you have move on? So you unblock. Then the guilt build up because you know you have hurt me, broke our bond for no valid reason? You can’t face me because you know what you did? You keep showing that person off, you keep saying you felt heart to heart not just appearance. You keep saying they accept you for who you are but all that person do is remain silent. Seem like their love have change you or you are trying to change yourself for them? Does anything remind you of us? But you can’t make yourself turn around, you keep putting up with your ego. So you’re going to keep fooling yourself that they are better? That you are better with them? and just going to block again? Or this person is the one you truly been looking for? And what we had was nothing? Even after all this time I did nothing, keep praying all the best for you, never intrude you with all the new people you try to build with, stand and watch my seat being displaced, the person I love switching to someone else. Is the present of me that irritating that you have to keep cutting me off?

2025-08-14

I thought I was special to you. I'm such an idiot :)

"You deserve to be treated like the way you treated me. I'm sorry I can't treat you like that."

2025-08-14

មនុស្សពីក្រោយខ្នង?

មនុស្សម្នាក់នោះដែលខ្ញុំបានចាប់អារម្មណ៍គាត់តាំងពីលើកដំបូងហើយក៏បានតាំងចិត្តតបig storyរបស់គាត់ អារម្មណ៌ពេលលេងជាមួយគ្នាដំបូងសប្បាយណាស់រហូតដល់ពេលមួយមានអារម្មណ៌ថាខ្លួនឯងលង់ស្រលាញ់គេមែនទែនហើយ គេជាមនុស្សល្អ ហ្មត់ចត់ក្នុងការងារ ចេះជួយយកអាសារអ្នកដទៃ ចូលចិត្តផ្ដល់ដំបូន្មានល្អៗដល់មនុស្សជុំវិញខ្លួន ចូលចិត្តនិយាយលើកទឹកចិត្តអ្នកដទៃ ខ្ញុំក៏បានសាកសួរគេលេងៗថាគេមានម្ចាស់នៅ គេថាគេគ្មានទេគេទៅណាក៏តែឯងៗដែរ ខ្ញុំក៏ព្រមជឿគេ ហើយថ្ងៃមួយគេប្រាប់ថាគេនៅគេងម្នាក់ឯងនៅក្រៅអផ្សុកណាស់ តែដោយសារខ្ញុំជាមនុស្សមិនអាចដើរចេញយប់ជ្រៅបាន ក៏តែងតែបដិសេដគរហូតជាពីរទៅបីដង មានអារម្មណ៍ថាតូចចិត្តណាស់មិនបានជួបគេ ពេលគេហៅជួបចំតែពេលភ្លៀងទៀត មិនរលូនសោះៗ រហូតដល់យប់មួយដែលគេប្រាប់ថាស្អែកគេទៅគេងហ្នឹងទៀតហើយ ខ្ញុំក៏សួរខ្លួនឯងគួរ break the rule យប់ស្អែកដើម្បីនៅក្បែរគេអត់? គេតែងប្រាប់ថានៅក្បែរទ្រូងគេហើយក្នុងរង្វង់ដៃគេកក់ក្ដៅណាស់ ក៏ចង់សាកដែរដូចគេយាយមែនអត់ និយាយត្រូវគ្នាខ្ញុំក៏ព្រមទៅជួបគេពេលថ្ងៃ ជួបគេដំបូងភ័យណាស់ ព្រោះគេកំពុងធ្វើការ មិនហ៊ាននិយាយអីច្រើនទេបានត្រឹមតែអង្គុយមើលគេធ្វើការពេលគេធ្វើការចប់គេក៏សួរថាមកហ្នឹងប្រាបអ្នកផ្ទះថាម៉េច ក៏ប្រាប់គេតាមត្រង់ថាអត់ទាន់បានសុំទេ បន្ទាប់មកក៏បានខលមកសុំអ្នកផ្ទះតែអ្នកផ្ទះមិនព្រមទេ មុនចេញបានអោបគេហើយប្រាប់គេថាចង់ចំណាយពេលយប់នេះនៅក្បែរគេ ពិតជាកក់ក្ដៅមែនពេលគេអោបយើងយ៉ាងណែនហើយអង្អែលក្បាលយើងប្រាប់ថាកុំគិតច្រើនចាំព្រឹកស្អែកចាំជួបគ្នាក៏បាន បន្ទាប់មកគេក៏បាន order Koi អោយមួយកែវមុនចេញមកផ្ទះវិញ ជិះតាមផ្លូវអារម្មណ៍មិនមូលទេ ក៏បានសម្រេចចិត្តជិះបកទៅវិញពេលមកដល់ផ្ទះភ្លាម ទៅដល់វិញគេដឹងថាខ្ញុំប្រាកដជាអត់ស្ដាប់តាមអ្នកផ្ទះទេគេក៏ខឹង មិនហ៊ាននិយាយអីទេព្រោះចឹងមែន ក៏បានអង្គុយមើលគេធ្វើការបន្ដ ពេលគេធ្វើការគឺហ្មត់ចត់ណាស់កាន់តែមើលកាន់តែលង់ ក៏បានមើលគេ rehearsal សម្រាប់ presentation របស់គេថ្ងៃស្អែក។ ពេលគេ rehearsal, ពួកយើងក៏បានគេង ពេលគេងក្នុងដៃគេហេតុអីមានអារម្មណ៍ថាកក់ក្ដៅម៉េស? នេះរឺលើកទីមួយគេងក្នុងដៃមនុស្សដែលខ្លួនស្រលាញ់? ពិតជាកក់ក្ដៅហើយមានសេចក្ដីសុខខ្លាំងបំផុត ពេលនៅក្នុងរង្វង់ដៃគេហើយគេអង្អែលក្បាលយើងថ្នមៗ ពេលនោះហើយគិតថាសម្រេចចិត្តត្រូវដែលបានមកជួបគេ។ ពេលព្រឹកស្អែកបានមកដល់មុនពេលចេញមកវិញ សុំគេអោបម្ដងទៀតព្រោះមិនចង់ទៅសោះពេលអោបនោះអារម្មណ៍ក្ដុកក្ដួលណាស់ព្រោះមានអារម្មណ៍ថាលឿនខ្លាំង។ មួយអាទិត្យក្រោយមកក៏បានជួបគេម្ដងទៀត ទៅញាំអីមួយគ្នា អារម្មណ៍នៅតែដដែលព្រោះដឹងថាខ្លួននឹកគេ។ រហូតដល់ថ្ងៃមួយគេប្រាប់ថាគេកំពុងនៅជាមួយសង្សារគេ បេះដូងខ្ញុំធ្លាក់ដល់បាតពេលគេយាយចឹង តែក៏ខំទប់អារម្មណ៍ហើយនិយាយជាមួយគេថាមិនអីទេ ខ្ញុំក៏ដឹងថាគេមិនដែលនិយាយពាក្យថាស្រលាញ់ខ្ញុំម្ដងណាឡើយគេទុកត្រឹមជាប្អូនគេប៉ុណ្ណោះ។ ដល់ថ្ងៃសែនលោកខែបានបន់ថាចង់ជួបគេឆាប់ៗនេះព្រោះនឹកគេណាស់ រហូតដល់ថ្ងៃមួយគេក៏បានហៅទៅទៀតព្រោះគេនៅម្នាក់ឯង។ អារម្មណ៍មនុស្សស្រលាញ់គេធ្វើអីកើត បើចង់ជួបគេសឹងអី ក៏បានចេញទៅជួបគេនៅយប់នោះ។ អ្វីៗគ្រប់យ៉ាងគឺនៅដូចដើមសម្រាប់ខ្ញុំអារម្មណ៍ពេលបានគេងក្នុងរង្វង់ដៃនឹងដើមទ្រូងដ៏កក់ក្ដៅរបស់គេ ដូចនៅផ្ទះចឹងស្ងប់ល្អណាស់។ យប់នោះជាយប់ដែលខ្ញុំមិនគេងសោះ នៅសម្លឹងមើលមុខពេលគេគេងលក់ នៅលេងសក់ នៅមើលមុខគេទាំងស្រណោះខ្លួន ថាហេតុអីបានលង់ស្រលាញ់គេដល់ថ្នាក់ហ្នឹង។ ពេលព្រឹកក៏មកដល់ជាពេលដែលខ្ញុំស្អប់បំផុតព្រោះត្រូវឆ្ងាយពីគេទៀតហើយ មុនពេល check out ក៏បានសុំ special request ពីគេមួយគឺអោបគេយ៉ាងពេញដៃ អោបគេតឹងណាស់ ទឹកភ្នែកក៏ស្រក់មកតែមិនបានអោយគេឃើញទេសុខចិត្តលេបយកទៅវិញ ព្រោះគេប្រាប់ថាធំហើយកុំទន់ជ្រាយ ត្រូវចេះរឹងមាំ។ ក្នុងបេះដូងនេះឈឺណាស់ព្រោះពេលវេលាចំណាយជាមួយគេមានអារម្មណ៍ថាលឿន នៅក្បែរគេ គេផ្ដល់ដំបូន្មានល្អៗ បទពិសោធជីវិតរបស់គេ ហូរហែ គេមិនដែលសម្ដីមាត់តូចមាត់ធំដាក់មានតែភាពកក់ក្ដៅ។ កន្លងប្រហែលជា 2 3 អាទិត្យក៏បានជួបគេចៃដន្យនៅក្រៅ មានអារម្មណ៍ថាខ្យល់បក់គេអោយមកជួបយើងម្ដងលើកនេះ ក៏បានអង្គុយនិយាយជាមួយគេ ទាំងដែលគេកំពុងធ្វើការ ពិតជាសប្បាយចិត្តណាស់ រហូតដល់ព្រឹកស្អែក ក៏គេបានប្លុកខ្ញុំចោលទាំងគ្រប់ social media ដោយខ្ញុំបានធ្វើរឿងមួយដែលគេមិនចូលចិត្ត គេប្រើពាក្យថាដោះលែងគេទៅគេសុំ គ្រាន់តែលឺពាក្យនេះបេះដូងខ្ញុំចុកខ្លាំងណាស់ ក៏បានសុំទោសគេយ៉ាងយូរទាល់តែគេ unblock គ្រប់យ៉ាងវិញ ក្នុងពេលនេះម៉ោងនេះទំព័រជីវិតគេលែងមានខ្ញុំដូចពីមុនហើយ ខ្ញុំក៏ដឹងថាខ្លួនត្រឹមជាអ្វីសម្រាប់គេ តែក៏នៅតែមានចិត្តស្រលាញ់គេដដែលមិនដែលគិតស្ដាយក្រោយឡើយ ចុងក្រោយមនុស្សម្នាក់នេះមានតែពាក្យថាអរគុណហ៊ាដែលបានផ្ដល់នូវអនុស្សាវរីយកន្លងមកនេះសម្រាប់មនុស្សម្នាក់នេះ ទោះបីហ៊ាស្អប់ម្នាក់នេះយ៉ាងម៉េចល៏ដោយក៏ម្នាក់នេះគ្មានកូនចិត្តស្អប់ហ៊ា ខឹង ចង់សងសឹកគំនុំគំគួនអីសម្រាប់ហ៊ាឡើយ មានតែចិត្តនៅដូចដើម សម្រាប់ហ៊ា បារម្ភ ស្រលាញ់ ហើយចាំមើលភាពជោគជ័យក្នុងជីវិតហ៊ាដូចដែលហ៊ាតែងតែប្រាប់ខ្ញុំ ទោះបីហ៊ាមិនដូចដើម ម្នាក់នេះសុំរក្សាចិត្តហើយបេះដូងដែលមានសម្រាប់ហ៊ាដដែលនៅតែចាំស្ដាប់ហ៊ាពេលហ៊ាពិបាកចិត្ត ចាំលើកទឹកចិត្តហ៊ា ចាំធ្វើជាធុងសម្រាមសម្រាប់ហ៊ាជានិច្ច ចង់ប្រាប់ហ៊ាថាខ្ញុំស្រលាញ់ហ៊ាខ្លាំងបំផុត ទោះទឹកភ្នែកម្នាក់នេះហូរក្លាយជាឈាមដោយសារហ៊ាក៏ម្នាក់នេះព្រមទទួល ព្រមគ្រប់យ៉ាងដើម្បីបាននៅក្បែរហ៊ាត្រឹមមួយនាទីក៏ម្នាក់នេះព្រមទទួលដែរ ពីមនុស្សពីក្រោយខ្នងហ៊ា ps: am a boy, hes a man