My ex is my crush

My favorite songs

We left your house around 5pm. The sky started to rain. It's our first time riding a motorbike in the rain together. I wore your white hoodie hugging you from behind under the heavy rain. It was one of the best feelings ever. I would get emotional while staying under the rain but staying with you made me forget all those traumas. “I love you” you said it under the rain. I love it. I wish this moment would last longer. We went on Spotify and listened to heavy metal music because it's your fav genre but I skipped rock music. It was Bad Romance by Lady Gaga. We sang along. The next song was Good 4 U by Olivia Rodrigo. These two are my favorites. Little did I know, my story became exactly like my favorite songs. You gave up on me. I don't wanna lose you, never.

Walked away day

Again, thanks for coming back to me and stay until our anniversary day.. I knew i am stupid to say this alone, I always remember everything of us, and i always wanted us to get back again.. But it’s never worth it, you are not in love with me anymore and you had a someone better than me , hope he can treat you better and give you whatever you want… So what i have to do , i let you go, and please don’t even look back as a friend or still remember what I have done with you! I will never bothering you again.. so hope you are doing great, always meet up with someone better as you wish. Don't worry, no one will mess your life up again, no one will ask you to stay again.. You can choose him and start over with him.. Thanks for came back again to completed our 2-years day! Saturday, 25 Sep 21 Walked away day!

Without proper reason

Wanting to tell you how I feel but not knowing how to start kills me inside. Whenever I see you, I want to look at you in the eyes and do nothing else. Just want to stare at those beautiful eyes like I once did when we went out together. I want to tell you reasons why I no longer pick up your phone. Reply your message. Talk to you in person. And a lot more. I’d like to apologize for hurting you. For giving you a hard time to take a step back from me. But I couldn’t say anything because it’ll only complicate the situation and makes it even more difficult for us when we cross paths. But now that I see you laugh and have fun with others again, it’s all I want. I hope you don’t hate me for ignoring you without giving proper reasons. I don’t know how to tell you and I will never be able to tell you. Just keep one thing in mind, you will forever have a place in my heart even though we can never be together.

2025-08-14

Are We Really FRIENDS?

We started to know each other at the University by our mutual friends a year after enrolling the University. Our class were next door and we were complete stranger. We completely came from different world. Her friends got a project. I was asked to help. We became friend at first but not really closed one. Months later, I started to care, to curious, to chase, and to chat to her. I didn't know that it was a beginning of catching feelings for someone since I have never had one. I was pretty annoying her by some of my actions because I didn't know how I should do to express my feelings. I was unreasonably angry at her when she ignored me like I was invisible. Unfortunately, I changed class to another shift. We separated. I did miss her. Whenever, she asked me for help. I never said "NO" because I made me happy for helping her. I thought alone that she would have feelings for me, too. And yeah, it was one-sided love from me. She was already in relationship with someone whom I knew at that time. My heart broke into pieces. I cried without being aware of it was a heart broken feelings. I pretended to congrats her and be laughing in front of her. Years passed by, we didn't contact. She only chatted to me once she needed helps. Still, I didn't reject any requests. She sent me some songs, yet I didn't realize what the meaning of sending a song. I asked her why she sent me songs. She said "nothing" just send to me and listen. I was so dumb or I thought that she was in relationship. I shouldn't care about her anymore. She may be breaking up with someone I know. And, getting into another relationship. I also realized that. I always kept my distance just don't want to hurt myself more than before. She did reply to my story sometimes. I didn't reply much as before. Yeah, my feelings for her still remains the same until now and it's been 4 years. I met new people. Those closed friends told me that I should move on and opens for new one because she didn't have any feelings for me as they can assume of my storytelling. We both don't cut each other off. We are still contacting. We sometimes talk deeper, flirting, and argue. However, I don't really want to express my feeling because I don't know whether she is available. Whatever, I still care, love, stand behind her, buy her food. I do everything I could do for her in the name of her friend. You will always be in my heart, my friend. 👩‍❤️‍👩

Important sister

I'm not sure what will you and others valued on this name "important sister". Sometimes, I feel abit down but whatever happens, this name won't change. I'm still keep you as my important one, no one understand it but I'm really hope you can feel me trust my speech. I used to hope that one day we separate then we go our own path, but your voice always feel heard by my soul. Whatever happens, we changed but I won't forget what you advised me. Distancing doesn't mean the soul break. Love you, all the best to my important sisters ❤

Thank you for reliving my soul #PYJ

Through a heart break of rejection and the lose of my best friendship, I felt like losing my own home. I got no one by my side, that's what a child far from home like me felt. Just then, I met you, someone I can share all my sorrow and believing. If you happen to see this, I just wanna let you know that you were my strength to confront and overcome those challenges. I'm grateful for your existing through my darkest hour, where your presence told me I have you. And you're in my memory too and I felt whatever you felt. I can't keep in touch with you for some reasons, that's why I couldn't tell you all this. And I know if I could tell you, you won't settle down. I have a different life now and I can't be a late night talk companion like I used to. I forgave you whatever you did and do forgive me too for whatever I said to you. Please think of me like a good friend you had. You gotta live your good life and one day, someone's gonna take my place from your memory to a living moment.

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