Toxic
My mental health is breaking down so is my mind. The cheerful me have gone and I wish I could have someone who stay by my side and tell me “Everything will be fine.” :)
we're not officially in a relationship yet but it feels like a break up? we haven't met each other outside yet, but why i feel so attached? i try to draw us the line, and tell myself that we're hopeless and better off being friend; we won't work out but why i still pray that we could start over, and fix what we lacked of? i know you lost interested in me but you're the one who make me believed at first that you're the right one. you said you're not like them yet you still did. prolly, it's my fault that fall so hard, and expect so much. i try to ignore you, I stopped reply to your message not because I hate you or want to cut you off, but it's because you don't really care. you show no interest in talking with me at all. when it come to you, i'm still being squishy asf. and yes! the more i talk to you, the more i feel hurt. you seem fine because you feel nothing at all. it's hard right now, but if one day i will get over it just as you said. let's be friends again when that time come. from #K to #J
My mental health is breaking down so is my mind. The cheerful me have gone and I wish I could have someone who stay by my side and tell me “Everything will be fine.” :)
Just as the title. We've been close friends for years, and just recently, I've realized that I may have started to see him as more than a friend. I really enjoy his company. I feel safe around him, and he's my go-to person when I'm feeling happy or feeling down. In fact, I'm a person with a plan, and when I was thinking of my future, he comes to mind too. I know it may sound very cliche but that is the moment I realize I may have liked him more than a friend. However, I'm still very confused because I've known him for so long, so why now? Is it because we've been there for each other because we've been abroad through difficult time so we comfort each other? Is it because I was worried that he may feel lonely or even depressed during the lockdown so I kept on checking up on him? I don't have any answers to this and I hope I can be sure of my feelings soon. Just want to share this in case anyone has also experienced this.
I know we no longer belong to each other, but I miss you, always have missed you, and always will miss you. I don’t know why it is so easy for you to move on, to forget about us, but I don’t want to be like you. I want to keep our memories in my head as long as possible , I won’t try to forget about us, because those are the memories I adore the most. I wish you had cared a little more about my feelings, if you did, maybe we wouldn’t be strangers today. You always blamed me when we argued, calling me childish , never once reflected on your actions . Never knew how much you hurt me, or maybe you did know, you just chose to not care. Because, after all , maybe I’m not that special to you. I love you a lot , a lot that I’d take you back the second you tell me you miss me. To the person I wish loved me more , #R
Why don't you just say it if you no longer want to talk. It hurts me but It’s probably easier for either of us and you have to leave me alone and waiting for your replies for hours or even days. It’s so exhausted to question my own worth. Just spill it out and let’s move on.
I caught myself being loyal to a man who ain’t even my boyfriend.🙂
You found me when I had already been found. We were 9,118km or at least 28hr of flight apart, but you still asked me “What’s the name of my city?” so you could save it to your World Clock. Your city was mine too a few years ago, and you sometimes forgot that. You opened up yourself to me with an expiration date. For 3 days, getting to you know lifted me up. The 4 days following that, I hit rock bottom as I was searching for the closure that you never left me with. I wished you “Have a good life!” like I was ready to give you up. I lied, and Chungking Express lied. How can people say that missed connections don’t hurt so long when it’s been more than 7 months and I still miss you?
Day by day, month by month, we slowly drifting away from each other. It's funny that we used to share everything with each other and solving our problem together without any hard feeling. Now that we both have our own responsibility and our own life to live, we completely turning back to one another. I still remember the day that we both promise each other to always stay by each other side but not anymore because when i look back, it's just me myself and i. I don't blamed you for giving up on us and on me but let's not do promising again because it's leaving a big scar on me. You said you want everything to be perfect and i am trying to be one of it but i never know my best wouldn't be up to ur standards. There's alot of things i wanna tell you but i couldn't type a single text even " Hey ". Now that we're not together anymore, i just want to wish you happiness and goodluck on your journey. It was enchanting to meet you 🤍
You're not sorry for hurting someone. You're not sorry for taking advantage of someone else's feeling for you. You're not sorry for making them feel low and pathetic. You're only thinking that you feel sorry because that's the only way to reassure yourself that you weren't actually in the wrong but, in fact, that doesn't actually stop you from repeating it. There's no excuse for you. You never care but it would have at least been better if you didn't care enough to actually care to hurt someone who's currently yearning for you. It's crazy how those who hurts will only continue to hurt, the excruciating pain. When you can't overcome the trauma and agony, you were seen to be weak and that you're the only one allowing yourself to get hurt. That could be true but that doesn't always mean that they aren't trying to break free. When reality has seeped in and escaping is succeeded, "I" will understand how relieved it would be and that's what I set to believe. You are not sorry and I am not seeking for your sympathy on the torment you have caused. Regrets and joys are mixed up in a resulted development but let's all be enlighten by it. With hopes.