One of the hardest things that I’m doing right now is letting go of a person whom I never thought I would do. It’s the best for myself to be able to heal. I wrote my stories here probably a few times of how I love that person but in the end we’re just friends. I still have feelings for her and I don’t think I would ever lose those feelings, but the thing is I’m moving forward. I don’t stay in the same old place with the wonderful/painful memories. Honestly, she’s the first person that I’ve loved this much and I even told her that. Still, I need to accept the fact that it’s not gonna work and our connection can only be “best friend”. She told me that she met someone and she kinda loves that him too. So yeah. Sometimes you miss the memories and the times that you had spent with them but not the person themselves.
I’m a man who is 28+years old and never got laid, and one day I got a girlfriend who did it and she said that people need to have experiences and it is better and it’s just make me feel like damnnnn if I know that, I wouldn’t waste my youth like shit and play around like a player- NOTE- “I am a handsome man” #R
Confess ot del approve sos tang pi khae 3:D
I don't know how to put it in words, but there's something strange inside me every time I think about you. I admit that I am the kind of person who has many opposite-gender crushes, yet no one ever makes me feel like you do. It's been 9 months now that I just can't stop thinking about you.I will be looking at you and listening to your voice every time I feel unmotivated. I always smile when I see your face through the screen. I take your every sentence seriously and am trying to get to know your point and think through that. You're my inspiration and motivation. At the same time, you've got a place in my heart, my pure heart. I hope that in the future, when I grow older than this, you are still single, so I can make a move lol. In addition, I think I like you or in love with you maybe, idk.
Is there really a way to stop missing someone? Cos if you already kept your pride aside and tried to initiate but their responses kept on disappointing you, there isn't anything much you can do. What if years from now you still long to see them? What if every little things you see keep reminding you of them? What if you still look for closure knowing damn well they don't care about you? But then again, do all these questions even make any sense if it's a scenario between people who didn't even date, if it's just a one-sided thing?
It’s been 4 months now. I had bread with condensed milk today and my tears drop at the last bite when I saw us. I saw the time you eat muffin in Uni every morning and think to myself I would never date the guy but then you appeared in class. I saw the time when you were mean to me just so we can get closer. I saw countless topics you would pick on me and we would fight on purpose. I saw the time when we went on the first trip, I would never get why anything you tried to relay, so that night with sounds of the sea under the stars I asked and there I got myself a confession that I never expect. I saw you driving me home in others car or would took trains with me so I can go home safe and we can see each other a little more. I saw us going to the beach at 2am. I saw the time we got frustrated just cuz we really want the “best” best for each other when we were stubborn at times. I saw the time when you only show the silliest side to me and not others. I saw the time when I was being dramatic on purpose so i can see you fight for me more cuz that’s lovely. I saw the time when I said harsh things just to see how much you can take. I saw the time when we went back to visit Bodia together for the first time and you would have a hard time being with my friends and how uncomfortable you look becuz you were guilty of hanging out everyday being with a girlfriend rather your family while you visits and you don’t even enjoy it. I saw the time when I stood you up outside my friends house becuz we fought and I was crying in the room endlessly just to hear my friend telling me you are outside waiting for me, of course I regret it days after. I saw the time when you danced off to rewards from your efforts. I saw the time when stayed together 24/7 which I loved and hated, more like love. I saw the time when touching your cheeks, your hair, annoying you is my favorite things in a day when the city is locked down. I saw the time when we had our last hug at the airport during Covid which I never thought would be the last. I saw the time you had your first job and i would bombarded you with questions every day about it. I saw myself crying over the fact that you tried so hard to not burden your family and actually be that “son”. I saw the time you tell me your weird dreams, the one straight outa movie and shockingly the one we shared on the same night. I saw the time you would get emotional when talking to your family which I always feel guilty for hurting you in a way after. I saw myself becoming distant gradually becuz of the distance after you started it. I saw myself adoring you in secret and act the other way round everyday. I saw myself bragging about you to my mom just so she can prepare for the man her daughter choose. I saw you stopped liking me but the love stays, you couldn’t get out of the relationship that suffocates you at all. I saw myself realizing how much you meant to me, and I realized it even more when we called it quit. Just how much I actaully love you. I never regret every seconds in the relationship we built. You will always be part of who me. Without you I would never know what true love is. I would never get to love someone as much as my life. I would never know what sacrifice feels like. I would never get to experience so much life. I would never be an adult I am today. I would still choose to fall for you all over and over again if we can go back in time. Thank you for the growth, the honesty, the man that you are and what we had. Its a real farewell yeah? Goodbye, tvt
I can’t do it anymore. I have to admit it. I can never get her out of my heart. I’ve tried and tried and the harder I try to, the bigger hold I discover in my heart. She has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to and there has been countless of times that I wanted to. It has been overwhelming, drowning, suffocating and even deadly painful at times but I could not stop loving her anymore than I could stop breathing. I am hopelessly, irretrievably, subconsciously in love with her. More than she and I would know. I start losing her subtly, but the pain I feel is enormous. I can’t lose her. I really can’t.
But what if I fail? what if fail?what should I do? What am I going to do next? What's their first impression when they know that I fail?what if they hate they? disgusted me? disappointed in me? scold me? look down on me? what's going to happens? should I just kill myself right away?I don't know I just knew that if I am really fail, the next thing is I'm not in my right mind,my mental health is unstable,all I can think is die cause im scared to tell them,I don't think I have any courage to tell them,I don't think I am brave enough to see their reaction after I tell them that I fail.. If I actually going to fail ,all I want is someone I trust to be by my side,I don't need their comfort words,all I want is someone to sit by my side and stop me from killing myself cause I can't trust myself..I just can't. But I don't have anyone.None. all my favorite people are gone. They're too far away. #BacII14/11/22
I dun even know what to say. Everything seem so heavy to me. I wonder if this world just this cruel or it just me, the problem. _n