My Own Thought

I won’t make this long, i just wanna share how i feel to the people so that i won’t have to stuck in my own jail. i’m not an introvert yet i often do things alone rather than asking people for help. Idk if i’m straight, gay or bisexual. I did dated girls, dated boys but it won’t last more than 4 months until now I realize that i don’t need to be in relationship. All i want is a best friends that i can trust share and do things together.

Feeling bottled up?

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2025-08-14

I hope you're happier now.

It seems to me like you couldn't wait to finally getting rid of me...I was hoping you'd ask me to stay after all the shits we've been through and after all these months I've spent suffering in silent but you didn't mind losing me at all You would rather start afresh with someone new than to make things right between us I really did believe you when you gave me your word Never once did I question you and your intentions...I thought I knew you by heart and you wouldn't do anything to hurt me...I defended you to everyone Now I'm left feeling like I'm constantly dying

2025-08-14

Stop pretending

Faking your care toward someone is the cruelest thing you can do.

2025-08-14

From a precious memory to an awful memory

Hello guys so I've been hiding all the pain by myself for so long so today I just wanted to share it with u guys.so here's the story ... We both used to be best friends but then one day when my life was so fking down ( we both girls) and there she's coming into my dark place and cheer me up with her kind words. Yeah I appreciated those words a lot and it helped me a lot but u know it's true that the one makes u feel better will break u worse. I don't think it's true and never think my always fav human being could be this cruel to me. Since i've fallen in love with her.i cried almost every single day because she hurts me everytime we talked but I still come back to her because I love her so much to the point I can give my life to her. Everytime she hurts me I always disappear and come back act as nothing happened ( the feeling that u loved S1 like this coz u will always forgive that person until u reached ur limitations). This last time I've disappeared maybe around 1 months ( the longest and last time too) and then I'm back but don't be confused I never wanted to force her to love me or something just wanted us to be like before like the way she used to act very kind to me ( she's also my favourite friend even before she become my crush) but u know she never do that again. ( អាចថាយើងស្រលាញ់គេពេកហើយឲ្យគេដឹងចិត្ត ចឹងហើយគេនិយាយអីធ្វើអីមិនដែលគិតចិត្តយើងទេ) and my text just be like" u look so okay without me but I'm not" but lol she looks so mad and sent me the texts that I have never received the rest of my life. And those text just cut off all my feelings from her. Guess what's it? Lol she said that I'm not her type because her type is beautiful, perfect sth like that which makes me doubt myself am I that bad in her eyes? Huh and she even said that even she makes the choice among all the person she won't choose me. Lol that's funny. Hold on girl! If those words received by those who have anxiety, depression or didn't love themselves enough. They're probably killed themselves already 😃 but that's not me because I love myself enough and I know I'm pretty enough in my own way for myself and I'm more than enough and also a lot of things she didn't know about me. So here's just few more things I wanted to tell u guys. 1. If u wanted to reject someone just find a good way to do that. Put yourself in someone's shoes. ( Be a good memory to people.dont be a toxic or an awful memory to them because what u said might be haunted them for the rest of their lives) 2. Dear all my beloved people out there please don't doubt your own worthy just because someone treated you like shit. They don't deserve your and please love yourself more. You don't need to prove that you're enough but keep improving yourself just for yourself. 3. I don't know if this reach to u or not but I just wanna tell u now you're just nothing to be and a toxic person that I used to know so if we happened to meet each other or something please គេចពីខ្ញុំទៅព្រោះសូម្បីស្រមោលអ្នកឯងខ្ញុំមិនចង់ឃើញផង។ no hate but I wish u would disappear from my life.🤭 One more thing u the only person among all my ex and crushes that I regret to love .( ស្តាយទឹកចិត្តមើលមនុស្សខុស។ កុំភ្លេចដំបូងខ្ញុំចូលចិត្តអ្នកព្រោះអ្នកមានទឹកចិត្តល្អ មិនមែនពិសពុលដូចពេលនេះទេ)
2025-08-14

I slept with my ex boss

On the bed, there were my friend, my ex boss and I. They were kinda drunk and I’m kinda tipsy. We sleep on one bed. He went to the toilet then I kinda wake up as I’m the light sleeper but I can’t wake up cuz the of many shots tequila. He came back to the bed hugging me and laying his hands on my body. Then he started to move his hand and slowly touch me (my hands and my shoulder only). His whole left arm was my boobs while holding my hands so I hold his arm and and place his hand on boobs (he got big hands and I’m fucking weak for that). Not long after that, we got into cuddling position. He put his chin on my shoulder and softly touch my other shoulder then move to my collar bone then my neck. I was uncomfortable as my friend is on right side and he’s on left side and I can’t move but I decided to move and turn my back to him but I still hold his hand and stick to my boobs (I swear I don’t love him, I just like it when something is on my boobs when I sleep). He moved his arm slowly while laying it on me (we still in the cuddling position but this time is spooning). His face behind my back, he keeps moving his face that has newly grow mustache on my flesh. It felt good, really. Then suddenly he let go of me and went back to normal sleeping position (I was like oh shit, why but I think nvm I’ll go back to sleep). A few minutes later he came back, his leg on my body, his arm on my boobs and went back to cuddling position again. He hugged me from behind, his face next to me. (There’s more but I can’t finish it cuz I’m sleepy asf now)
2025-08-14

It’s not your fault.

Your story #KJ0010 changed my mind towards the term “ depressed ”. I felt like the you’re grieving and may even blame yourself for what happened. But I want you to know that it’s not your fault. You’re only human. You loved her the best way you knew how. You’re part of the legacy her left behind. The pain that you’re experiencing in her absence speaks volumes of how deeply you cherished her (and still do). And every moment you choose to live fully and love deeply, you bring a beautiful part of her back to life. Good luck on your path❤️ It's strange though, when I used to think of a "depressed" individual I stereotyped everyone into one mass of sad but i changed my mind after I knew the term “smiling depression” in other words is “high-functioning depression”. What I leaned from it is that the one who is always outgoing, most bubbly, smiling face, telling jokes and happy is the one who most likely to struggling with it. Outwardly, they do not seem to have a reason to be sad, they greet people with a smile, and may even be capable of carrying out pleasant conversations. However, on the inside, they feel down and hopeless, internally struggle day to day and sometimes, may even contemplate suic!d€. I highly recommend you listen to this podcast. https://youtu.be/N3-L7G5mImQ

2025-08-14

Always you!

To you my priority, since the day you left, I’m certain that I’m not the same person as I used to be. I’m sure that my feeling right now isn’t okay and it hurts me the most. I wanted to let you know that, you’re the only one who made me know what love is, you’re the only one who made me feel warm and secure while I was with you, you’re the only one that my love for you is still the same since our first day until now, you’re the only one whom I have any plans for the future. All of the sacrifices, efforts, and times that I put in, I didn’t expect anything in return, other than your love and dedication. I did everything just to make you feel that you’re the only one that got all of those things from me, not everyone else. I did everything just to make you feel happy, warm, and comfortable. I’ve never stopped daydreaming about how I’m going to build my life, buy my first house, first car with you, and marry you one day. You know what? I see you every two weeks, and when I return home I feel as if I've lost something that no one or nothing can replace. I had the feeling that I was leaving something behind that would never come back. I miss you, I'm upset, I didn’t want to return home, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re the only one, when I’m having fun and all I could think of is what if you were right here with me? I’d go on trips and while living in the moment, I allowed my imaginations to get ahead of me and I was able to picture you beside me and I got that feeling of “how nice would it be for you to be here with me”. To me, you’re perfect. To me, you’re beautiful as always in my eyes. I’m grateful you came into my life, I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me. My love for you hasn't changed, and no one can take your place in my heart, my mind, and my brain. And I’m so sorry for what I’ve done to you. Sorry that I can’t keep you by my side. I’m still hoping everyday that you will come back to me again. You’re special to me. I’m so proud to have you in my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Your photo is still in my wallet, and your picture is still on my lock screen wallpaper. I wrote these letters with a song that I used to sing for you, When you’re home - Tyler Shaw. It’s 3AM now and I’m still thinking about you. I hope you will come back to me! #NL

2025-08-14

Some of my point of view in these past few years for hiding from the reality.

Dope I am a kind of person that would build the walls instead of the bridge because I used to experience some trauma events in the past. [newLine*] [newLine*] They used to call me “ sensitive, dramatic, self victimized, stupid, etc.” And here I am, being a cold hearted person ever in my life. I don’t like the version of today’s me yet, I am still glad that it kinda makes me stronger and be more careful around my surroundings. Running away from my own feelings is one of my coping mechanisms since it is the best way to do so when it comes to expressing emotions. I wanted to open up and have the healthiest relationship with others but the dark inner part of me is still keep telling me that they will judge me in every possible way that they could also the people that I expect then to be will be leave me eventually anyway so instead of being my real self, I just show them what they wanted to see from me.[newLine*] [newLine*] Losing the ones that I love is also a tragic cause for my mental health too. My mom passed away since I was 6 years old and I hadn’t had the mother-daughter moments yet and it really broke my heart ‘til nowadays. So instead of crying, I usually hide my true emotions and keep moving forward when I was still not healed from what broke me in the past. I used to held grudges, always get jealous when they got what I wanted, they have the best relationship with their families, they have a strong self confidence and many more. Very toxic person I could possibly find. [newLine*] [newLine*] But here I am, after all what I have been through both mentally and physically. A cold hearted b*tch also I am still keep finding out who I really am and what is my purpose of life. I still feel guilty when I hurt the ones that love me so, but nothing is permanent anyway so I’ll live the best of my life instead of pleasing other people. [newLine*] [newLine*]From, thyka. ♡︎
2025-08-14

Appreciate

"ការស្រលាញ់ដែរចេញពីចិត្ត គឺជាអារម្មណ៍នៃការផ្តល់អោយ ផ្តល់អោយដោយចេញពីចិត្តដោយមិនមានការទាមទារពីភាគគីម្ខាងទៀតទេ ដូចជាការគោរព ការទុក្ខចិត្ត ការបារម្ភ... " ទាំងនេះគឺជាពាក្យដែរខ្ងុំនិយាយប្រាប់ទៅ មនុស្សម្នាក់ដែរសួរខ្ងុំថា "what is love". ទោះបីជាពេលនេះពួកយើងលែងជាអ្វីនឹងគ្នា ប៉ុន្តែការផ្ដល់ឱ្យរបស់ខ្ញុំចំពោះអ្នកនៅតែមាន ខ្ញុំមិនដែលខឹង ស្អប់ រឺក៏គុំគួនអ្នកឡើយទោះបីជាអ្នកដៀមដាមថាអោយខ្ងុំតាមរយះ status share or story ដោយការយល់ច្រលំលើទង្វើ និងបំណងរបស់ខ្ងុំក៏ដោយ. បើសួរថាតើនៅអាណិត ស្រលាញ់ទេ អារម្មណ៍នេះនៅតែមាន តែខ្ងុំមិនអាចបកក្រោយទេ ព្រោះចង់ឃើញអ្នកនៅជាមួយមនុស្សដែរល្អជាងខ្ងុំ ចំពោះខ្ងុំបានត្រឹមធ្វើជាសង្សារ និងបានលឺពាក្យថា I feel love when I'm with you and I never feel this with anyone before គឺគ្រប់គ្រាន់ហើយ. អ្នកប្រហែលជាគិតថាខ្ងុំអត់ដែរស្រលាញ់អ្នកទេបានជាខ្ងុំកាត់ចិត្តបានលឿនយ៉ាងនេះ ប៉ុន្តែផ្ទុយទៅវិញខ្ងុំគ្រាន់តែទទួលការពិតថាពួកយើងមិនអាចនៅជាមួយគ្នាបាន រួចទទួលយកការឈឺចាប់ទាំងអស់ ហើយក៏រំសាយម្តងបន្តិចៗតាមតែអាចធ្វើបាន បែបនេះហើយបានជាអារម្មណ៍របស់ខ្ងុំមិននៅជាប់ជុំពាក់នឹងអតីតកាល