Stop pretending

Faking your care toward someone is the cruelest thing you can do.

Feeling bottled up?

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2025-08-14

The hidden love, the endless regrets.

Life is too short to keep love locked in. Don’t trying to reject the truth and your true feelings to somebody. You lied when you told them that you did not love them. But you did. And now that is something you’ve to live with for the rest of your life. That is something you’ve to leave in the back of your throat. Imagine. Loving someone but not showing them how much you love them. This is the burden that arrives the moment you're gone. The weight you have to carry on your shoulders. The burning you feels over your skin when someone mentions their name. forever. You loved them but did not show it. And maybe you wanted more but was too distracted to do anything about it. You lost them. Some people can’t see the the good things in front of them because they think that they have time for it later but you know what, sometimes later become NEVER. How many “what if” in your life? If you have too much ” what if’s “ in your mind then what if your feelings are returned? You have to try for things even when you don't know the outcome. After you tell them the truth they can smile, say you they feel the same or simply go away, disappear and don’t talk to you anymore. All of these are still better than talking with a person and not telling them your real feelings. We never know what will happen tomorrow or in next few hours. Bear in mind that the pain of rejection and the awkwardness of feeling vulnerable is nothing compared to the regret of not saying something when you no longer have the chance. “Better is open rebuke than hidden love”

2025-08-14

The best person I know in July 18, 2021

I might be clingy, childish, and crazy sometimes. I have two personalities - a boy and a man- I know I demand your attention sometimes because All I want is to be with you- I know You love me and vice versa. I trust you and I don’t wanna lose you. Anyway we are trying to make this work and I love you to the moon and back ❤️

2025-08-14

Her.

One of the hardest things that I’m doing right now is letting go of a person whom I never thought I would do. It’s the best for myself to be able to heal. I wrote my stories here probably a few times of how I love that person but in the end we’re just friends. I still have feelings for her and I don’t think I would ever lose those feelings, but the thing is I’m moving forward. I don’t stay in the same old place with the wonderful/painful memories. Honestly, she’s the first person that I’ve loved this much and I even told her that. Still, I need to accept the fact that it’s not gonna work and our connection can only be “best friend”. She told me that she met someone and she kinda loves that him too. So yeah. Sometimes you miss the memories and the times that you had spent with them but not the person themselves.

2025-08-14

Old me VS New me

It hurts right? Turning from the happy, joyful and socialize person to the one who try to hide and isolate himself from everyone. I kept having mental breakdown when I’m alone in the dark room. Hope it gets better soon.

2025-08-14

All the clouds in me are raining

I’ve been questioning my life lately and I try freaking hard to become the best version of myself everyday. Living away from home without having my parents by my side is something I’ve never done before and I admit that my life has changed so much since the day I left home. I’m constantly teary knowing how much they worry about me. They are the ONLY reason why I keep going and still living this freaking life. If it weren’t for them, my existence wouldn’t have existed until now. I admit that I appreciate where I am now. I truly am! But at some points, I feel like the life I’m living is currently draining me day by day. I cannot see the purpose of life and it stressed me out whenever I think of the word ‘future’. It’s so dark and I cannot see anything. My anxiety keeps telling me the worst scenarios because I know that I cannot be the one everyone expects me to be. I might look normal but deep down inside I’m just a sad soul. No one knows how hard it is for me to survive each day. Having anxiety and insecurities about everything. Being a professional overthinker who worry even at a little thing and always wake up tired from a vivid dream… I don’t want to live like this but it’s not like I have a choice. The more I grow up, the more I start questioning my life and wondering why I live like this. I’m turning 19 next month and my only wish is that I can survive til I’m 20… -J

2025-08-14

Wrong timing

Friends asked me do I like the guy I introduced to them before? My answer? Yes I do. Then does that guy like me? I guess so. Then why isnt it working? I don’t know if there is any specific right answer to it tbh. Maybe it just I’m not ready. Maybe Im still haunted by my past relationships. Or maybe I just feel like I’m not good enough for him. Or actually maybe it’s just wrong timing and it’s not working overall. We both tried our best, we both tried to give it a try again and again yet failed again and again too. I guess overall, we meant to know one another, like one another, has a chance to start it in which we blew it up, so after that no matter how many time we tried to bring it back it’s not working. Maybe this is really like “you only have one chance at love”. I like you still yet I guess it’s just not working. So just get over it and be happy, maybe not immediately but eventually, please be happy.

2025-08-14

Why?

Growing up, not bragging, Ppl tell me I look decent (not ugly, not so pretty either). Those who look decent tends to have people interested in them, right? Not me though. I don’t know why and please tell me if you do. Why isn’t anyone ever interested in me? Do I look so bad? Is my personality that hard? I’ve seen others having people crushing on them and having boyfriend and all those stuff. And I look at myself and my chat box is so freaking quiet, no fling, no flirt, nothing. Trust me, I’m not that desperate, it’s just pure curiosity. Why the hell isn’t anyone interested in me? Why? I see in drama ppl be like having crush and all those fling stuff and my life is so freaking boring 😂😂😂😂. My standard isn’t that high either, just average, like others. I’m also not looking for relationship, just some flirting, just knowing the fact that someone is actually liking me, having a crush on me would be enough. What could be the problem? My problem? 🥲🥲

2025-08-14

notice me senpai

The person I have a crush on is also an audience of this page. I’m hoping he’ll read this. I've liked him for quite a while now. I react to his posts here and then, but we never actually talk, so I couldn’t come forward with my feelings toward him. There’s no such thing as waiting for the guy to text first, and I’m not scared to reach him, but there’s no opportunity for it at all, and I’m guessing it wasn’t meant to be, but the other me thought that how could I know if I hadn’t tried? By the way, this guy is my type, so I guess he’s worth my time siming over him. This is so frustrating and I hope no one else can relate to this because it is giving me headaches and starting to drive me crazy now.