All the clouds in me are raining

I’ve been questioning my life lately and I try freaking hard to become the best version of myself everyday. Living away from home without having my parents by my side is something I’ve never done before and I admit that my life has changed so much since the day I left home. I’m constantly teary knowing how much they worry about me. They are the ONLY reason why I keep going and still living this freaking life. If it weren’t for them, my existence wouldn’t have existed until now. I admit that I appreciate where I am now. I truly am! But at some points, I feel like the life I’m living is currently draining me day by day. I cannot see the purpose of life and it stressed me out whenever I think of the word ‘future’. It’s so dark and I cannot see anything. My anxiety keeps telling me the worst scenarios because I know that I cannot be the one everyone expects me to be. I might look normal but deep down inside I’m just a sad soul. No one knows how hard it is for me to survive each day. Having anxiety and insecurities about everything. Being a professional overthinker who worry even at a little thing and always wake up tired from a vivid dream… I don’t want to live like this but it’s not like I have a choice. The more I grow up, the more I start questioning my life and wondering why I live like this. I’m turning 19 next month and my only wish is that I can survive til I’m 20… -J

Feeling bottled up?

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I think I started to have a crush on my friend.

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2025-08-14

A bad friend

This is not a story but it is a apology letter to my friend. I am sorry for being a bad friend. I am sorry that for these past days, I’ve been ignoring you. It is not your fault but it is mine. The reason is because I am mad of myself. I am mad because I am such a horrible friend for getting jealous of you. I envy everything about you; however, this envy turns into jealousy. Your studies are going very great, you got a real job and you manage to make lots of friend. While me on the other hand, my studies is going down, I don’t even have a real job and I barely make any friends. You are such a great friend to me. I am very happy seeing you on your way to your success, but I couldn’t help to compare your success with my failure. I sincerely apologize to you my friend. It was wrong of me to get jealous. I won’t ask you for your forgiveness. Please continue on your great journey to success my dear friend.

2025-08-14

Painful scars 12th April

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2025-08-14

Being ghosted

I used to be mad. I used to look back and wonder where I went wrong, and took all the blame. I wondered why would you ghost me like I never mattered. One day our friendship was flourishing–filled with laughter and late-night text messages and venting–the next, it was gone. I used to wished that our long/ funny conversation will come back. It hurts to know that we used to be so close, and now it’s like I don’t know you at all. I feel as though you don’t want me anymore. What do we all talk about, do we talk about past things to catch up on, or do we just act like no time has passed?. We’re not as close as we were before. There are days when I am so happy and that the person I want to talk to you is you. I want to tell you every detail, the entire story, and I want you to listen. There are other days where that high isn’t there when I feel low, and I just want you there to listen or to talk about anything else. Those days are when I miss you the most.There are some secrets that I could never tell another person, but I can easily tell you. Some days I wonder if we will ever be that kind of friends again. Sure, I look back and still smile on the times that we have had, the moments we had shared, the jokes, the laughter that filled our friendship. I have no idea how you feel about our friendship right now. But I am here, in case you make that step back. I am also here, wishing nothing but the best for you: laughter, that all your dreams come true, and all the happiness in the world. I’d like to let you know that our friendship meant everything to me. Thank you for the good memories that you leave behind. I hope wherever you are, you’re happy with yourself. I hope you have found peace with your problems–the people who had hurt you in the past. I hope you finally find something you love and let it consume you. I hope you find a guy who truly treats you the way you deserve.

2025-08-14

What is love?

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2025-08-14

You look so fine😊

You have no idea how much I miss you right now and how badly I wanna text to you. But don’t worry I won’t disturb you anymore. Thank for those moment you made me feel like im the one but you have somebody else.