All the clouds in me are raining

I’ve been questioning my life lately and I try freaking hard to become the best version of myself everyday. Living away from home without having my parents by my side is something I’ve never done before and I admit that my life has changed so much since the day I left home. I’m constantly teary knowing how much they worry about me. They are the ONLY reason why I keep going and still living this freaking life. If it weren’t for them, my existence wouldn’t have existed until now. I admit that I appreciate where I am now. I truly am! But at some points, I feel like the life I’m living is currently draining me day by day. I cannot see the purpose of life and it stressed me out whenever I think of the word ‘future’. It’s so dark and I cannot see anything. My anxiety keeps telling me the worst scenarios because I know that I cannot be the one everyone expects me to be. I might look normal but deep down inside I’m just a sad soul. No one knows how hard it is for me to survive each day. Having anxiety and insecurities about everything. Being a professional overthinker who worry even at a little thing and always wake up tired from a vivid dream… I don’t want to live like this but it’s not like I have a choice. The more I grow up, the more I start questioning my life and wondering why I live like this. I’m turning 19 next month and my only wish is that I can survive til I’m 20… -J

Feeling bottled up?

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No title like your heart no longer has me

Again, I’m not the one who likes to express my feelings towards anyone especially in an anonymous platform like this. But yeah sometimes it feels release when I speak it out and it would make me feel a bit better. Let get into the point of my mess up love story. I would say that it’s okay to fell in love with someone who never say yessssss to you yet still stay in between to block your heart. Have you ever asked yourself why you choose to stay in that uncertain relationship? Even you know the consequence that they just want you for a short period when they’re bored. Sometimes I lie to myself that one day she would appreciate what I have done to her and we can be together as a couple. And sometimes I feel that I should not go deep and beg her for attention everyday cuz we’re just friend. It’s a bit unfair for me that every crushes that I have met are always do almost the same way to hurt me. Is it because I’m so soft? easy-going? But I don’t mind at all. I only have one reason that once I love someone I always try my best to show how much I love I care and I wish that they would love me back the same way. But nope, it just doesn’t work for my love life. To the girl who I’m currently fell in love with, I don’t mind that you are lost interest with me and start to put red flag 🚩 between us. But please bear in mind that even though, I still have feeling for you and I hope that you would appreciate my efforts these past months that we’ve been contact with each other. You’re the sweetest crush for me🙂

Love

Is it even real?

ហត់

ខ្ញុំហត់នឹងការធ្វើមិនដឹង មិនឮទៀតហើយ។ អ្នកទាំងអស់គ្នាយល់យ៉ាងម៉េចបើកទូរស័ព្ទសង្សាខ្លួនឯងហើយឃើញរូបអ្នកផ្សេង? មិនត្រឹមតែប៉ុណ្ណោះ មានរូបអាក្រាតកាយគេទៀត។ គ្រាន់តែគេLikeរូបខ្ញុំច្រើនដង គេប្រច័ណ្ឌហើយ តែពេលគេវិញគេសុំទោសហើយឲ្យខ្ញុំលើកលែងទោសរួចបំភ្លេចវាចោល។ ហើយវាក៏មិនមែនជាលើកទី១ដែលវាកើតឡើង ខ្ញុំហត់នឹងធ្វើមិនឃើញ មិនដឹង មិនឮតទៀតហើយ។ He’s the one. I swear to god that he’s the one. But now what? Staying with someone who you don’t know how many nudes he sees and saves just for the next time he jerks off or worrying he’ll fuck around when you’re not around. And you’re telling that i can’t trust him enough that he won’t do it when I’m not around? Kill me now.

Secondhand embarrassment

Well, I had a feeling for someone who’s I never met in my entire life. But idk I feel wrong at some points cuz I alr confessed to that person. Um, it was actually the most embarrassing moment of my life to reveal what I actually think n rlly want that person to know even tho we’re just strangers. We agreed to be friends by now but it’s feel weird after that stupid confession. I wish I didn’t send that cuz it’s better to be strangers who don’t know each one exists. (Ik its vol n I’m sorry.)

Ghosting...

I saw a lot of confession is all about people ghosting tho... And you guys are shy to ask them. Well, to me, I had been in that situation (I am the ghost). The problem was that, I didn't know what happen around me back then. I felt the urge to be isolated from other people and just to stay alone. I bottled up my emotions all alone. Well my advice is to ask that person if there's sth you could help. :)

Die for you

Have any of you ever laiten to this song? By the weekend! Just the title we can understand much about the song already right? It about the love we have for our partner, afraid to lose him/her, might think that we are not good enough + want the best for him/her but can’t just walk away. We love them so much, can’t think of anyway or one day that we will change our mind and give up on them. Love to the point that we can die for them. (Listen to this song you’ll feel it) Imagine sharing this song with your significant other. Or this song is about your partner. Then one day you are not choosing them as a part of your life anymore, you change your mind you had someone new standing in his/her place and you still listen to this song. Do you get de javue? Does it remind you of that old soul who been with you through thick and thin and would die for you too. Or in your mind, you find it normal to switch to die for someone new? That someone just fit in this song perfectly? the previous one does not matter anymore? You will just go back on your word as if she/he doesn’t exist in this world anymore?

I hope to see you again (admin edition)

I’ve missed you a lot. We were young back then. Soon after breaking up with you, I realize your appearance was so special in my life. I couldn’t let you know that I’ve missed you a lot, and I couldn’t admitted any mistake that I was wrong for whatever reason it was. I regret that I avoided and didn’t listen to one last conversation with you. Since then, I get to be aware of what I should have done better and what I shouldn’t do, so I’ve been careful with my approach, and for numerous people I’ve met,I still cannot forget the moment with you. I didn’t realize it soon enough. I thought as time passes I will move on. But, it has been 2 years now, and I often wish you were there every night. We were young back then. I was impatient. Stubborn. Ego. Incommunicable. I regret it, and even so, this would not be able to make up for my faults. I hope you are happy, achieve your wishes, and meet someone who deserve you. Someone who deserve your beautiful smile, and soft sweet voice. I hope to see you again and glad on how you achieve your dream.

.....

These 3 years not a single day where i wish we would end up tgt but the more i held on to u the more i realized i never meant to be in ur life so i gave up