#Sam_ort?
I caught myself being loyal to a man who ain’t even my boyfriend.🙂
It hurts right? Turning from the happy, joyful and socialize person to the one who try to hide and isolate himself from everyone. I kept having mental breakdown when I’m alone in the dark room. Hope it gets better soon.
I caught myself being loyal to a man who ain’t even my boyfriend.🙂
Typing on your keyboard while working, you were so focused. You are the type of guy that does not talk unless there is something important to be talked about, which was why we rarely talked until there was something either you or I needed help of. Later, everything changed because one thing led to another and we became so close. We started to share our daily lives activities, and you always found something that we both enjoyed talking to one another. It got to the point that it was very difficult to go through a day without talking to you. It had become a habit of ours to have daily conversation about this and that. No one knew that we were that close since we were so good at hiding it from others, but I knew that deep down in my heart, I already fell for you. You were a guy who did everything I look for in a boyfriend. You made me felt like that there were still nice guys in this world even though we were just friends. Every morning when I woke up, I was always excited to start my day as I would be able to see your face. I could not help but kept looking at you from time to time, and sometimes I caught you did the same to me too. One day, you confessed that you had feeling for me and wished that we could be more than just friends. You just made a girl very happy. I could not stop smiling seeing that message of yours. My heart was pumping hard and my hands were shaking. However, I did not know how to reply besides saying ‘I am sorry but it is not possible’. The feeling of wanting it so much but could not get it was like having a knife stabbed in my chest. We both knew why it could never happen. You gave it a try hoping that I would say yes but I could never do it knowing that it could hurt someone. A part of me wish that you never said those words so that we could keep pretending that we did not have feeling for each other and still could communicate with one another as usual. We were like characters in a novel who could never have a happy ending together. A chapter of my life with you in it was the best and at the same time the most painful. We met, we talked, we became close, and then we became strangers again. It was like nothing had ever happened between us.
Is it still love when you have to keep asking for time and attention and still won't get it? Is it still love when your partner forgot exactly everything he told you he would do and everything about you? From every little details to every big events. Forgot even to meet you, forgot all the things he said he will do. He said he will... So I waited and waited... Even after I brought it up he didn't care to do it... Is it still love...? I'm not sure anymore... Too many sleepless night I've spent alone to think and worry if the love has already faded for you... I felt so lonely here... Too lonely...
Have you ever wondered about yourself that you get along with people so well, you adapt yourself into everyone's comfy zone, but they can't adapt back to you. I, myself, have been into so many situations where the person i loved couldn't bare to love me back. We both felt the same way for each other. But when it comes to relationship, It's became so weird and it gets to the point where both of us should part ways and stay friend. Things weren't like that when we were friend. It gets complicated when we both push the boundary. Was it my fault? Until thesedays i still have the same questions running around my head, living rent free. Where/What did i do wrong?.
I was made to believe. I underserved of love - both from others and myself. 22 and never date not even once. I never understand the feeling of having another human soul connected to me cause whenever I feel good with someone, a part of me always whisper to my ear “you pieces of shit and don’t deserve anybody’s love. How can a loser fall in love? Don’t you ever see urself in the mirror? How ugly u are? How dump u are? How helpless u are?” These questions always keep repeating day and night until now I started to believe I underserved of love both from others and myself. :)
I have a secret that I need to tell. A secret that has made me live in hell. It was quite a long time ago, I was s€xual harassed by someone I trusted and thought of as family. I alternated between guilt for let it happened, feeling dirty and unable to get clean. I haven’t told my parents or his parents because I’m sacred of victims blaming culture in this society. I don’t even told my friends about it either not because of victims blaming but I just can’t talking about it. Lately, something so miniscule triggered me and it’s unbearable. It ended up being connected to my nightmare again and it changed my quality of life. I thought that it was no longer bothered me anymore but it doesn’t. I’m terrified every time I smells the same cologne that he used. I went through “I hate all men” phase. It’s certainly changed my view of men, I’ll be never be able to look at men entirely the same way again. It’s my first time to talk about it since it has happened. Thanks, admin for letting me share it with KnongJit.
Number 11 becomes my fav cos it’s the time I keep checking if you’re still awake like I am, if you are thinking of me like I am; it shows that I still care for you even before or after that 11 number, or maybe it’s just an excuse that I make to lie to myself that only when the short and long hand of the clock point to 11 is the time I think about you, when actually I’m thinking about you every hour which I can barely say the word hour cos every second seems so long let alone an hour, when actually I’m waiting for the time to arrive at 11 again so that I can lie to myself again that I only think of you at this 11:11. #lovefailed
“The World IS Just Awesome” sentence on his t shirt