!!
I don’t like you I just don’t want you to be in relationship.
I lost my friend several months ago. she was someone I talked to every day and even asked for advice. and we met when we’re studying in Australia. It still feels unreal every time I see her photos with a smiley face, I still have difficulty believing she’d do it. how can a girl who is always smiling dealing with mental illness and nobody knows about it. There were no warning signs. she is a person I wished I could be more like (not jealousy, I’m just admire her). Happy, creative, smart, perfect family status, beautiful smiles. Always upbeat and looking out for others. She texted me a day earlier before it happened. I should’ve talked to her that day a little more…why didn’t I. The way it happened was shocking. I still wonder if I could have helped her that day. It's almost like it never happened because it just doesn't seem real, it was so unexpected. As I'm typing this its just actually hitting me again that she is really gone. but looking back, yeah, there were some signs because I accidentally saw her searching about medicine but she said it was just research projects. the guilt in my guts is overwhelming. I also noticed that she was extremely exhausted and kinda isolated herself from anyone earlier that month but I was pretty naive on top of that. It really bothers me now, because she was obviously giving some signs but I was too stupid to realize what was going on. I LOVE YOU, S P.S If someone is popping up in your mind while reading this please don’t ignore them and checking on them every chance you get as the last chance you will ever have may have been yesterday. Be there when you can. Even if its just checking up on someone. If you care about someone, let them know. If someone reaches out to you, even a little... be there for them. You never know when they are in their final moment of desperation. Not everyone will have the same signs. Some won’t have any at all. If you suspect something at all... just let them know you care and that if they ever need to talk, that you are there for them. That they are never a burden, not to you. Even if they never open up to you, just hearing that can make a world of difference. And if you are struggling yourself, please open up to someone. Anyone. Even if its someone you don't know that well. There is nothing wrong if you’re going to met therapist.
I don’t like you I just don’t want you to be in relationship.
ខ្ញុំហត់នឹងការធ្វើមិនដឹង មិនឮទៀតហើយ។ អ្នកទាំងអស់គ្នាយល់យ៉ាងម៉េចបើកទូរស័ព្ទសង្សាខ្លួនឯងហើយឃើញរូបអ្នកផ្សេង? មិនត្រឹមតែប៉ុណ្ណោះ មានរូបអាក្រាតកាយគេទៀត។ គ្រាន់តែគេLikeរូបខ្ញុំច្រើនដង គេប្រច័ណ្ឌហើយ តែពេលគេវិញគេសុំទោសហើយឲ្យខ្ញុំលើកលែងទោសរួចបំភ្លេចវាចោល។ ហើយវាក៏មិនមែនជាលើកទី១ដែលវាកើតឡើង ខ្ញុំហត់នឹងធ្វើមិនឃើញ មិនដឹង មិនឮតទៀតហើយ។ He’s the one. I swear to god that he’s the one. But now what? Staying with someone who you don’t know how many nudes he sees and saves just for the next time he jerks off or worrying he’ll fuck around when you’re not around. And you’re telling that i can’t trust him enough that he won’t do it when I’m not around? Kill me now.
Everywhere, everyone out there is busy finding their “the one”. It’s funny how instead of finding ‘’the one”, why don’t people actually try to find themselves instead? Well, what can I say cause love is blind right? and I once been blinded by it too. “Two teenagers meet, fell in love and they live happily ever after” is probably would be a tale that you would usually hear or see in movie but these kind of stuffs does not really exist in real life, in my opinion. Our story began when we both were in dark places. Starting off, to me, you were just nothing more than an acquaintance. After some time getting to know you, every time we talked, I started noticing that you were trying to keep the conversation going, that you were trying to get close to me and you would eager to know, to learn more about me and ask about the things I like. I, on the other hand, knew from the beginning and told myself that I wouldn’t let you get in my head because I get attached easily and it’s a way to protect myself. But instead of putting label between us, I keep opening up and letting you in even though I know I was gonna get hurt later on. We grew a lot closer over time and you would help me with literally anything I’ve asked you to, you would ask how my day was, whether I’ve eaten, you would cheer me up when I’m down, you would send me stuffs and said that it remind me of you, you would open up with me and rant to me about whatever things that are on your mind which you were too afraid to speak to the world about, you would told me about your goals and dreams. Not long after that, we were each other’s safe space and talking to you were my happy hours. Little did I knew, I started to like you and I would get this stupid butterflies every time you complimented me. But people change once they meet someone new or they just change as time passed by right? Yes, after some times, I started to get bored of you and I knew you kinda did too. We eventually stopped talking to one another and of course my pride is high and I wouldn’t text you first cause I don’t want to sound desperate. During the time we stopped talking, at first, I overthought everything, did I do sth wrong? did you not want to talk to me cause you need space or you get tired of me? Will we talk again soon? Am I that easy to replace? It drained my energy mentally and I was going insane but after giving it some thoughts, I stopped questioning the situation and just let it be. I later found out the “things” you did and realized that you were just taking me for granted just to pass your time. Naive of me to thought that you were not a red flag cause after all, you became all the things that you told me you wouldn’t be. So, of course, I decided to gave up cause if not, I’ll only end up destroying myself even more. Moving on is a really hard process for me but luckily, I have my amazing best friends by my side and they lift me up from my sorrow during this hard time.To sum up, I wouldn’t say meeting you is a nice accident or a bad one either but it’s more like an ending to a new beginning of finding and learning more about myself and giving the love that I need without having to depend it on anyone and a lesson to protect my heart better next time. I feel like writing this all down allows me to finally close the chapter and buried this petty love story here as I decided I don’t want to be stuck on the past anymore and to move on with my life so guess this is where our memories parted. It might be a long process to be better but im getting better bit by bit, day by day. Cheer to a happy ending of finally finding my own self<3
Every time I drove by your house, I always stopped and stared, hoping to see you standing in front of the entrance, waiting for someone to answer the door like you used to. I remember when I brought you home and your mom made me a tuna sandwich and told me to eat a lot so I could grow faster. I miss the taste of her food and the picture of you standing calmly in front of the house. Today, I passed by your house again but I didn't see you there. The neighborhood was quiet; too quiet that it gave me a strange sense of calmness. It was like a void in my heart — calm but empty. I don't know why some people say that loss gets easier with time. It's been years, and the fact that I still haven't gotten used to your absence is a nuisance. Maybe in another universe I can still see you standing somewhere and waiting for me. But here it all ends too soon. So, make sure to have a good new life out there and promise me to love yourself well. I’ll love myself too. -owl
Where should I start... So you guys might not know who am I and I love to keep it that way. But some might notice by the way I write this confession. So just like the title said "don't worry". Recently, both my mental and physical health is not doing good. I sometimes experience chest pain whenever I wake up from my sleep, I can't eat much even though I try, I've been having insomnia for 3 years already. There are some people who actually worry about me and tell me to visit a doctor and even want to help me with all the stuff that have happened; I really appreciate your kindness guy, really. I have visited the doctor, but I don't want to describe what he told me here. I have never asked anyone for anything; however, here I am for the first time, asking my friends, family to smile at my funeral when I'm gone. I know it's impossible for you, but let just say that it's my last wish and please help me fulfill it. I've been fighting so hard, but I'm sorry I can feel that I'm not strong enough, not anymore. I'm not gonna do anything stupid but I know that my time is coming, sooner or later. So please don't worry about me.
Day by day, I started to know where I stand in everyone’s life. I’m that friend who is there when they need something. I’m that daughter who is responsible for every big and little things inside and outside the household. I’m that granddaughter who is just a female. I’m that sister who doesn’t deserve the respect. I’m that niece who got compared with the cousins’ parents and got hated by my own cousins. I’m that girlfriend who loves too much and also being a little too much that sometimes it suffocates him. Every eyes and words that look and say to me, make me feel small worthless. Whenever i try to explain what happen and both me, I got shouted back, not listening to me, first they comfort and still act the same. It’s hard coming home everyday and get the cold look from everyone and no one in the house actually talking to you. I have to repeat myself over 3 times to get the answer or someone attention. The only time I get someone to care enough for my well-being or existence is when I commit suicide.
Hey Bxtch! I kinda miss the way that we joke around, go everywhere tgt, advising each other, caring each other, worrying each other, informing each other most of the time. til the day that we kinda officially separated, i dun think that it was a great way to be like that for both us, i think we might hurt both side. yess bestie! It alr long time ago, I think i can forget u, but i dun think so. everywhere we went, it left the footprint, even i date s1 and i saw that places, it left us behind. it's such a great time that we spent tgt, i literally miss everything we've been done. And I wish to say sorry to u for not catching up with u for so long, but i dun mean so. I can't help myself for not to be inlove with u, that must be the reason. yeah! but sometimes i do stalk u, and i dun feel too, yap, actually it is. I know u r with a great person, and i hope that he takes care of u better much better than i used to. From a good fri...
Ex, I changed myself alot about personality. And im glad and proud that i did it success even i can’t move on from u. I wanna ask u 3 questions: 1. I have everything especially my personality isn’t like before, ik im still me but i just changed my toxic personality so what else im still missing? 2. Do u have a true woman to love u yet? 3. And do u change urself some of mistakes? Cuz u also have alot of mistakes too. Did u change anything?