Generally, I’m a happy person. I laugh a lot, I smile a lot. My friends called me “យាយប្រិមប្រិយ”. It's hard to see me without a smile on my face. Everyone thinks that I don't have any problems in my life, since I always laugh and smiling in every pictures that we captured. Deep down I’m slowly dying day by day. I literally cannot find any form of joy in my life. I feel like I can't show my real feelings; I feel like I have to keep smiling and i feels really guilty if I tell them about that because it’ll ruin their day. I’m jealous to those who brave enough to talk about it especially admit that they’ve suicidal thoughts. Smiling and laughing has become a reflex for me and it’s easier for me rather than tell them what’s going on. I no longer “ME” for a long time ago but nobody noticed it. I feel like someone is clawing away at me on the inside. I feel so empty. I don't know what to do.
In case someone said I'm trying to ruin other family, I have to say it first. I never had any intention to ruin his marriage just because some memories. He and his wife deserve to be happy and live their life. I'm just a part of his past. I'm also a woman and I won't do anything that could hurt another woman. Please don't take my confession to the wrong way!!!
I was born with the problem nothing they gonna stay by my side
It’s already a month since we apart. May I ask have you ever regretted about your decision that you make? I’m still think what if we still continue our status, how good or bad it is? I know our time together was short, but it is deep to me.
There have been countless times where I've made you feel all of those disgusting feelings knowing full well how much you loved me knowing how much I hated these but I couldn't bring myself to change so suddenly. So i gave up our connection even though I still loved you dearly. Maybe that's why it pained me to see you being all hurtful and anxious because of my thoughtless actions, the thought that only me matters in our relationship. I've pictured us in a family of many pets, pictured you being the best dad and the best husband a man could ever be. That at some point i was unable to picture my life without you. But gradually, I've realized my behaviors started to hurt you, my actions began to make you doubt my love for you, we kept misinterpreting and misunderstanding each other. I tried my best to be optimistic about the situation despite being the over emotional and dramatic person i am. I have thought that with love, we could overcome everything but i was naive. I forgot that love is just the topping to the already flourishing relationship. We couldn't take each other's words to heart, you have a complete different opinion and view and so do I. So how can we expect each of us to understand each other? I've resisted the urge to approach you multiple times already since we broke up, I've cried thinking about you, i just wanted to scream loudly so the whole world know i miss you. I've missed you but I'd rather pick your happiness over this. I'll still hold the belief that you'll find someone who can shoulder all the burdens you're carrying, always be the ear to listen to your thoughts, always have the heart to open to your everything. I'll pray for you. I didn't want to make this long, but it's already long. So I wanna close this with .... I love you. Sorry that your last person couldn't be me. I will forever cherish the memories we had. Please stay safe and healthy. From that girl who let you go away.
One of the hardest things that I’m doing right now is letting go of a person whom I never thought I would do. It’s the best for myself to be able to heal. I wrote my stories here probably a few times of how I love that person but in the end we’re just friends. I still have feelings for her and I don’t think I would ever lose those feelings, but the thing is I’m moving forward. I don’t stay in the same old place with the wonderful/painful memories. Honestly, she’s the first person that I’ve loved this much and I even told her that. Still, I need to accept the fact that it’s not gonna work and our connection can only be “best friend”. She told me that she met someone and she kinda loves that him too. So yeah. Sometimes you miss the memories and the times that you had spent with them but not the person themselves.
Nowaday, I have 002067317 problem to solve. Please help me !!
Let me tell you, Your beloved will leave you s.day, love yourself as much as you can.
(This is like a note to myself) There’s a quote said don’t expect the happiness from where u lost it and they’re right. No matter how much u still love someone or feel like u want to give someone another chance just because u feel bad about it, just don’t do it. It’s not worth it. If there’s moment when u feel like u should go back, just remember how much u have strived, how much u have tried to moved on from all the trauma, how hard u have tried just to get urself back up again. I have come so far just to get over all the trauma that he gave me, now that I gave him a chance, he flipped on me and now I have to go through the same process all over again. It’s hurting and it’s embarrassing at the same time. He making me feel like a clown, but thanks for the lesson.