2025-08-14
How to decide?
I told you to wait for me, it only 10 months and I will come back. But thing doesn't turn out as I planned and Im stuck with my life decision right now. So our relationship started when I moved to a country for my Master Degree. She is my junior in my faculty and we been dated for 1 year and half. She was the best thing that ever happened to me, she was everything I ever imagine in a girl. My friends told me that my life is like a k-drama series because I was never been that happy before.
After almost a year of dating our relationship getting hard, you accused me as a cheater while I just did exactly what u asked me to do. You was telling me you want to get married and live a normal life like other girls and told me to start looking for someone else. My heart broke into pieces everytime I heard those words from you, I couldn't endure the pain somehow. So I was started talking to someone else while feeling really guilty to you. You caught me texting with someone else, guess what now u feel what I feel now? You asked for a break up but does not we already broke up? After a series of drama we made up ,thanks to Covid-19 for made up stuck in a house together. But the problem now I almost finished my study and I need to get back to my country. I told you I will continue my study, just wait for 10 months I will get back after I get a scholarship. I didn't understand my self y I have to grind so hard for a relationship that already broken. Even I know at the end you will not choose me, even I know u still keep texting other person. I still remember ur sobbing face when u send me off at airport, our last hug, our last meal at airport.
Now 6 months had passed, I has moved to my country and it was very hard in the first few months when I was the only person who wanna keep this relationship. Even I used to get " I miss you" text from u a few times and It made me very happy but deep down I knew things changed and we ended. You told me to move on and be happy since you alr start dating someone. I don't know how to feel happy hearing this. After a severe heartache, I tell my self I wont go back to that place again and I wont let anyone hurt me again. Now I moved on, happy with my life, I able to imagine my life without u in it until I got an email telling me that I was offered a scholarship. It is a great news yes it a scholarship I prayed for before , it was a dream come true and it is a ticket for me to find you. But my head mess up, I can't decide should I accept or reject? Should I leave things I have built here and go back to suffer again? PhD is sound fancy but it also a very lonely journey and suffocation. Plus I want to build my life without u involve in it, I don't want to feel those pain again. But this time I will made a decision for me, a life decision without u involve in it...
PS: We both are girls.