How to decide?

I told you to wait for me, it only 10 months and I will come back. But thing doesn't turn out as I planned and Im stuck with my life decision right now. So our relationship started when I moved to a country for my Master Degree. She is my junior in my faculty and we been dated for 1 year and half. She was the best thing that ever happened to me, she was everything I ever imagine in a girl. My friends told me that my life is like a k-drama series because I was never been that happy before. After almost a year of dating our relationship getting hard, you accused me as a cheater while I just did exactly what u asked me to do. You was telling me you want to get married and live a normal life like other girls and told me to start looking for someone else. My heart broke into pieces everytime I heard those words from you, I couldn't endure the pain somehow. So I was started talking to someone else while feeling really guilty to you. You caught me texting with someone else, guess what now u feel what I feel now? You asked for a break up but does not we already broke up? After a series of drama we made up ,thanks to Covid-19 for made up stuck in a house together. But the problem now I almost finished my study and I need to get back to my country. I told you I will continue my study, just wait for 10 months I will get back after I get a scholarship. I didn't understand my self y I have to grind so hard for a relationship that already broken. Even I know at the end you will not choose me, even I know u still keep texting other person. I still remember ur sobbing face when u send me off at airport, our last hug, our last meal at airport. Now 6 months had passed, I has moved to my country and it was very hard in the first few months when I was the only person who wanna keep this relationship. Even I used to get " I miss you" text from u a few times and It made me very happy but deep down I knew things changed and we ended. You told me to move on and be happy since you alr start dating someone. I don't know how to feel happy hearing this. After a severe heartache, I tell my self I wont go back to that place again and I wont let anyone hurt me again. Now I moved on, happy with my life, I able to imagine my life without u in it until I got an email telling me that I was offered a scholarship. It is a great news yes it a scholarship I prayed for before , it was a dream come true and it is a ticket for me to find you. But my head mess up, I can't decide should I accept or reject? Should I leave things I have built here and go back to suffer again? PhD is sound fancy but it also a very lonely journey and suffocation. Plus I want to build my life without u involve in it, I don't want to feel those pain again. But this time I will made a decision for me, a life decision without u involve in it... PS: We both are girls.

Feeling bottled up?

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2025-08-14

Karma

អ្នកសប្បាយចិត្តណាស់​ អ្នកបង្ហាញថាមានភាពកក់ក្តៅ​ ពេញចិត្តគេណាស់​ បង្ហាញថាគេស្រឡាញ់និងទទួលយកអ្នកជាអ្នក​។ តែអ្នកភ្លេចគិតហេីយថា​គេស្គាល់​ គេទទួលយកអ្នកនៅពេលដែលអ្នកល្អប្រសេីរហេីយ​ អ្នកមានសម្ភារះនិយម​ មានផ្ទះថ្មី​ មានម៉ូតូឡាន​ មានបទពិសោធន៏ពីមនុស្សម្នាក់ដែលអ្នកបោះបង់ចោល។ អ្នកកែប្រែដេីម្បីគេ​ វាល្អហេីយព្រោះមកពីស្រឡាញ់ទេីបកែប្រែដេីម្បីបន្ត។ តែអ្នកក៍គួរតែចាំដែរថា​ អ្នកណាដែលទទួលយកអ្នកពេលមិនទាន់មានអ្វីទាំងអស់​។ អ្នកណាស៊ូទ្រាំជាមួយអ្នកទោះមានឧបសគ្គ​រារាំង​ តាមពង្រាត់​។ មានរឿងលំបាក​ អន់ចិត្ត​ ក៍មិនចោលអ្នក​ មិនមែនធ្វេីដោយបង្ខំចិត្ត​ ធ្វេីដេីម្បីចងចិត្ត​ រឺ​ ចេះតែទ្រាំៗព្រោះស្រឡាញ់មកយូរ​ តែធ្វេីហេីយនិងទ្រាំចេញពីចិត្ត​ ព្រោះមានគោលដៅ​ មានសន្យា​ មានពាក្យសម្តីថានឹងស្រឡាញ់គ្នាសាងអនាគតជាមួយគ្នា។ អ្នកគិតថាបាក់ទឹកចិត្តជាមួយខ្លួនឯងបោះបង់គេចោល​ ជូនពរគេអោយជួបមនុស្សល្អជាងអ្នក​រួចហេីយចប់? ពេលល្អប្រសេីរ​ ទៅស្គាល់មនុស្សថ្មី​ ស្រឡាញ់មនុស្សថ្មី​ មេីលថែគេ​ បង្ហាញក្តីស្រឡាញ់អោយគេ​ មានច្រេីនទៀត​ ធ្វេីល្អដាក់អ្នកថ្មីបែបនេះហេីយចប់? រួចខ្លួន? ប្រេីទ្រឹស្តី​ life need to move on? មានដែលគិតពីអារម្មណ៍មនុស្សម្ខាងទៀតអត់? អ្នកធ្វេីបាបចិត្តមនុស្សដែលកំពុងហេីយតែងតែស្រឡាញ់អ្នកខ្លាំង​ អ្នកបោះបង់គេចោលកណ្តាលទី​។ អ្នកអេីយទោះមិនមែនជាអ្នកមានគុណរបស់អ្នក​ តែការអោយតម្លៃ​ ទឹកចិត្តស្រឡាញ់​ មិនចាញ់លោកអ្នកមានគុណទាំង2 របស់អ្នកទេ។ អ្នកអេីយគួរដឹងហេីយចាំថាអ្នកហែលឆ្លង​ ទឹកចិត្តដែលស្រឡាញ់​ ទឹកភ្នែក​ដែលអ្នកធ្វេីអោយហូរនេះមិនផុតទណា។ មិនមែនចេះតែ​បន្លាច​ ចេះតែថាទេ​ ខ្ញុំនៅតែស្រឡាញ់​ បន់អោយអ្នកជួបតែរឿងល្អ​ តែកម្មពារមានពិតណាអ្នក​ វាសងភ្លាមៗនៅជាតិនេះឯង។

2025-08-14

A long lost friend

HEYY, It’s been a long long time since we talked. I’ve tried to reach out to you about a few years ago but I’ve never been heard from you ever since. We have lost touch completely. I always miss you. I know that you’ve dealt with mental issues but I have no ideas how are you doing now. I have been dreaming about you a lot in these last few years and last night you popped up in my dream again and it felt so real that we were reunited. You’re still matters to me even though I have never been heard from you since I texted you few years ago. I just wanna know how have you been, how is your life. You’re no longer active on your social media and I have no idea if this post is gonna reach you but if so, I hope you know that I miss you. I know you must be doing well for yourself; but whatever it is you are doing, I hope you’re happy. Either of us are chooses our paths in life, and I guess your path just no longer intertwined with mine. But I hope you’re happy. Because I really do wish you the best. And I genuinely wish you well. It’s completely fine if you don’t want to reach out to me again. If it’s possible, please let me know that you’re alright and that’s what I want to hear from you. From someone who remembers and will always remember you.

2025-08-14

What should I do next?

I’m sorry but I don’t freaking know what to do anymore. I don’t know whether he has feeling for me or he is just being nice. I don’t know whether to move on or keep holding into this one-sided love. I want to move on before I fall for him harder than this, but the love I have for that man right now is already deeper, deeper than you can ever imagine. I don’t want to be friend with someone I love, also I can’t accept the fact that one day we’ll be stranger again. A man who I’ve never expected I’d get closed to, a man who I’ve never expected that I’d fall for this hard, a man who I’m really happy to be around…

2025-08-14

Been long time

Long long time, I have been waiting you until now. We gonna meet soon.

2025-08-14

So close, yet so far

It was all started in grade 12. We have been friends for almost a decade already but we were only get close when covid 19 started. Just friend but I feel so lonely when ur gone. Feel weird, right? We always hang out, on phone call, arguing over small things and update each other on everything we do. To be honest, I feel safe I feel warm I feel good when I’m with you, I like to have you being around even we’re doing nothing and all my sadness are gone. I like how you tell me about your bad day, when u did sth wrong, about the girl you like and everything. I like your presence I like all the attention you gave me but you always made me feel stupid, guilty when sth happened and my toxic trait is that I always distance myself when I’m mad and that where we were apart from time to time. Yes, I was always the one who run away because If not I will end up crying. I don’t say it’s my fault or your fault because we both don’t have any commitment in this thing, we were just playing around but still, I wish you The Best! P.S. If you want to come back and hang out sometime. Call me :) -See you next time 👋

2025-08-14

Lany - 13

29 Jan 2022, I saw her... It's been months since we last talked. A lot of things happened but memories of us still sculpted in my mind. I know that was solely my fault for pushing you so faraway that you and I have no idea how we could go back to the old us. It's ridiculous to say but despite my cold acts, I desperately want you to be mine although it's seemingly impossible. Being the third-wheel isn't my thing and me being a cheater would definitely out of the question. (Hey audiences, I know this sounds confusing. Lemme explain this, we both have our own partner) I don't know how to put this into word - the reasons why I chose to leave. However, I guess that was not a very bad decision I made, at least not to you. We both can focus on our own relationship. I'm so glad that you still can go on without my presence and be happy with your significant other and friends. You know what? I've been trying so hard to get you out of my mine. Countless attempts have passed, this time I admit that I failed... especially today. I was riding back home, listening to random songs on YouTube and thinking of you like I always do, and imagining how I would react and what I should say when we get to meet again... "the smell of you is way too much, not gonna put my heart through that... where did we go wrong? I know we started out alright" I was stunned. You were in front of me. Like 2m apart. You had your fav jacket on, the one that I tried to steal because you said your confidence dropped without this jacket. I saw some foods hanging on the hook which I thought that was for your mom because that's what you always did when we went back home after our unofficial date -- buying some foods home for your mama. I slowed down. My heart skipped a beat. That was unexpected, the person I'm thinking of and haven't talked to for months suddenly appeared in front of me, at the moment when our fav song played. I was stumbling, trying to figure out what I should do. Yet, nothing was done... Stupid, wasn't I? "Lately I've been someone and it ain't myself I'm spending all my time on somebody else I'm feeling all these feelings I don't understand You're the one good thing I ain't questioning Like ohh, if I knew that it would kill me I would still be there a thousand times over" This song came up next while I was secretly following her on her way back home. She rode too fast, without her helmet on (this girl is making me worried again). I really wanted to do something but I was not ready for this unexpected reunion. Finally, we seperated, not knowing when we'll officially meet again... même si je sais que je le regretterai plus tard. __________________ Hey, please take a good care of yourself. Untill we meet again. That time, I will be the one who comes to you first like when we first met :) though it might take some times, probably 2-3 years since I'll be going somewhere farway, but I promise I'll be back to pickup where we left off. Last but not least, be happy, even without me... and... I hope you think about me the way I think about you. And yes, it was enchanting to meet you :)

2025-08-14

Happy father's day

My mom was talking about getting a divorce, and my dad was totally bummed out about it. For like a week I was bouncing back and forth between my mom's place and my house, where my dad was. I tried to cheer him up, but he kept asking about my mom and telling me to talk to her, do something to change her mind. But, to be real, I couldn't bring myself to tell him that she had already made up her mind. So the night before Father's Day I was heading out to crash with some friends, but before I left I told him I'd be back early to make him breakfast. He was like, "Nah, that's cool." Didn't think much of it. That night I hit up a club and drink tonnes of cocktails. After an hour of feeling nothing, I started to feel dizzy and sweaty. My heart was pounding and I was losing it. I asked my friends to take me to the hospital, that something was seriously wrong. They were all, like, "Nah, you're good." Finally, this dude I just met that day, who was friends with one of my homies, drove me to his crib. I was totally freaking out the whole way home, trying to catch my breath and not die. When we got there, my body started to calm down, but I was still super weak and wiped out. I remember lying on his bed. His dog came over and curled up with me, resting his head on my leg and looking all sad. Then, like around 6am, all my friends showed up, apologizing for not taking better care of me. I asked them to take me home, but on the way there I started crying for no reason, just feeling like I needed to go to the hospital. When we got to my house, there was a note taped to the door that said, "Don't go in and call the cops. I'm sorry for being a coward." My heart already felt weak, but when I read that note it just fell apart. I was in shock, but I managed to call the police and tell them my dad had killed himself. I sat on the porch and cried my eyes out. There was a lot of crying that whole day. When my mom showed up, she was wailing and crying out, "Oh my god, oh my god." They took me to the neighbor's house and put me in the guest room. The rest of the day I was all by myself, trying to make it through. There were times when I felt like I was going to pass out. I was too weak to cry. After a while, I realized it was Father's Day.

2025-08-14

Don’t cross the line if you don’t want

Hey you ! Am I your brother or your toy? Sometime you make me feel like I am good as your brother, but sometime you mess it up like I am special to you. Hit me if you wanna cross the line before I consider accepting someone else !