What if
What if you later realize that your boyfriend is not your type after dating for a while?
Is my hint not clear enough or you are just not into me? Are we talking or you just replying my text? Are we gonna talk again if I don’t start the conversation? Do I ever cross your mind?
What if you later realize that your boyfriend is not your type after dating for a while?
Generally, I’m a happy person. I laugh a lot, I smile a lot. My friends called me “យាយប្រិមប្រិយ”. It's hard to see me without a smile on my face. Everyone thinks that I don't have any problems in my life, since I always laugh and smiling in every pictures that we captured. Deep down I’m slowly dying day by day. I literally cannot find any form of joy in my life. I feel like I can't show my real feelings; I feel like I have to keep smiling and i feels really guilty if I tell them about that because it’ll ruin their day. I’m jealous to those who brave enough to talk about it especially admit that they’ve suicidal thoughts. Smiling and laughing has become a reflex for me and it’s easier for me rather than tell them what’s going on. I no longer “ME” for a long time ago but nobody noticed it. I feel like someone is clawing away at me on the inside. I feel so empty. I don't know what to do.
If I’m honest, I’d say it hurts me too. It’s like something is stuck inside my chest that I don’t even know how to get it out. It hurts even worse when I ended it and you didn’t even bother to ask for explanation as if you were waiting for me to leave all along.
When I am tired, I always think of you. But who am I really referring too? And why would i do that? I want someone to be with me, but i haven’t met that someone yet. S.o who was a great partner together, we broke up 2 years ago because of different views. We work really hard for the goal we want. In 2020, when I struggle the most where i was at the lowest part, I met another someone. S.o who show me care, and gave me hope and made me smile . Until 2021, when our path are separated again. Same reason was about goal and future. We’ve been working hard, aiming for goal, but haven’t taken good care of ourselves in the present time. My perspective on love hold me back to allow carefully who i want to be with. I am closed minded and pushing people away. But deeply inside, I hope I meet a person who would share the thought and work toward the future we want to built together. As we grow up, we grow to see more thing, and more careful in life. I hope to be carefree and believe in love again! You said love was a destiny. I agree. But maybe we should interfere in our destiny a bit too. Shall we wait until we meet again and keep wasting time? How can love happen? How do you know you love a person? How can 2 people live together ? What should we keep in mind when we are in love? For love and future full of uncertainty, I cannot promise forever. Maybe we can play it safe by making time pleasant together, and not stress too much about commitment to love. Take it one step at a time, and if we break up, don’t break yourself!
ខ្ញុំមានអាយុ២១ឆ្នាំភេទប្រុសជានិស្សិតរៀន២ជំនាញផ្សេងគ្នា។កំឡុងពេលcovid ខ្ញុំបានទៅរៀននៅស្រុកវិញតាមរយៈonline class អស់រយៈពេល៨ខែមកដល់ពេលនេះ រយៈពេលចុងក្រោយនេះខ្ញុំ ក៏ចាប់ផ្តើមមានបញ្ហាផ្លូវចិត្តចង់សម្លាប់ខ្លួន ដោយសារបញ្ហាគ្រួសារមួយចំនួនធំ។ ខ្ញុំជាកូនពៅ ក្នុងគ្រួសារដែលបងៗគាត់មានការងាររៀងៗខ្លួន ប៉ុន្តែខ្ញុំជានិស្សិតដែលកំពុងសិក្សាត្រូវការប្រាក់ពីការផ្គត់ផ្គង់ពីគ្រួសារ ដែលជាបន្ទុកដ៏ធំមួយ ឲប៉ាម៉ាក់គាត់ខំធ្វើការធ្ងន់ ឡើងយប់ ធ្វើទាំងយប់ទាំងថ្ងៃ សម្រាក់មិនគ្រប់គ្រាន់ មកដល់ពេលពួកគាត់ប្រកបមុខរបរនេះ២១ឆ្នាំ ហើយ។ពួកគាត់ប្រាប់ខ្ញុំថា គាត់ចាស់ហើយ គាត់ហត់ គាត់ឈឺ មានជំងឺប្រចាំកាយទាំងពីរនាក់ គាត់ទ្រាំណាស់ដើម្បីខ្ញុំ។ ១សប្តាហ៏មុនម៉ាក់គាត់ឈឺ គាត់ទៅពេទ្យ គាត់ថា អាញ់ធ្វើទាំងឈឺដើម្បីហែង រៀនសូត្របើ ហែង ប្រលងគ្រូជាប់ ឬការងាររាជការណាជាប់ អាញ់ឈប់ធ្វើហើយ។គោលបំណងក្នុងចិត្តខ្ញុំចង់ធ្វើការងារដែលខ្ញុំកំពុងសិក្សា តួយ៉ាងខ្ញុំឆ្នាំនេះរៀនឆ្នាំទី៤ហើយ ប៉ុន្តែខ្ញុំមិនទាន់មានការងារធ្វើទេ ដោយសារខ្ញុំរៀន២ជំនាញពេញម៉ោង ដូច្នេះខ្ញុំក៏សម្រេចចិត្តមកផ្ទះរៀនonline ផង ជួយការងារផ្ទះនិងជួយលក់នំម៉ាក់ ខ្ញុំធ្វើការខ្ញុំអាណិតពួកគាត់ណាស់ធ្វើទាំងឈឺ ខ្ញុំពិបាកកាយខ្ញុំទ្រាំបាន ប៉ុន្តែពិបាកចិត្តដែល ឃើញពួកគាត់ខំដើម្បីយើង ខ្ញុំបានបន្ទោសខ្លួនឯង បើសិនអត់ខ្ញុំ ប្រហែលពួកគាត់មិនលំបាកទេ។ នៅពេលដែលខ្ញុំនៅផ្ទះខ្ញុំមានអារម្មណ៍ថា មិនមានសុវត្ថិភាពភ័យខ្លាច ស្ត្រេស ម៉ួម៉ៅ អារម្មណ៍ខ្ញុំបានផ្លាស់រហូតមិនទៀង។មកដល់ពេលនេះខ្ញុំចង់ឲសកលវិទ្យាល័យដែលខ្ញុំកំពុងរៀនបើកឡើងវិញ ដើម្បីខ្ញុំបានទៅភ្នំពេញរៀនវិញ ខ្ញុំអាចនឹង មិនមានបញ្ហាសតិអារម្មណ៍មួយនេះ។ ជារួមមក ខ្ញុំនៅតែមានអារម្មណ៍ម្តងម្កាលថាចង់សម្លាប់ខ្លួន ពាក្យនេះកើតឡើងនៅពេលខ្ញុំឃើញពួកគាត់លំបាកដោយសារខ្ញុំ។ នៅពេលដែលខ្ញុំចង់សម្លាប់ខ្លួន ខ្ញុំតែងតែគិតឃើញថា ខ្ញុំមិនទាន់បានសងគុណគាត់ មិនទាន់មានភាពជោគជ័យជូនគាត់ ពាក្យទាំងនេះធ្វើឲខ្ញុំរឹងមាំបាន១កម្រិតទៀត។ មួយរយៈមកនេះខ្ញុំមានបញ្ហាគ្រួសារស្ទើរតែរាល់ថ្ងៃ ដែលធ្វើអោយខ្ញុំប៉ះពាល់ផ្លូវចិត្ត ខ្ញុំរៀនមិនចូល ចិត្តចង់តែទៅធ្វើការយកប្រាក់ជូនគាត់ហើយ អោយគាត់សម្រាក់។ ពួកគាត់រអ៊ូររាល់ថ្ងៃ ថាហត់ ឈឺ ពាក្យនាវាប៉ះពាល់ខ្ញុំណាស់ ដែលអោយគាត់លំបាកដោយសារខ្ញុំ។ ខ្ញុំពិបាកទ្រាំណាស់មិនដឹងទ្រាំដល់៣-៤ខែទៀតដល់សាលាខ្ញុំរៀនចប់អត់ទេ ពេលខ្ញុំរៀនចប់ខ្ញុំនឹងបានធ្វើការ នឹងឈប់ចាយលុយពួកគាត់។ តែពេលនេះជីវិតខ្ញុំអស់សង្ឃឹមណាស់ បញ្ហាផ្លូវចិត្តវាខ្លាំង។ ជាចុងក្រោយសង្ឃឹមថា ខ្ញុំនឹងឈ្នះជំងឺផ្លូវចិត្តមួយនេះបាន ដើម្បីបន្លប់ការនឹកឃើញវាខ្ញុំតែងតែធ្វើការផ្ទះ និងជួយលក់នំពួកគាត់ដែលធ្វើខ្លួនឲរវល់ដើម្បីបំភ្លេចជំងឺមួយនេះ។ Thank u admin for approving
You don’t have to say sorry that much since I know how you feel right now. Just to let you know, I still love you. #S
The reason I write this up, I want
One of my male colleagues and I are so close, but the closest thing I mentioned was that I'm the one who's trying to get close to him. I think I like him a lot, but I'm not daring to tell him. I don't want to ruin the relationship between us. It was good enough for me to have him during my stressful times, happy times, busy times, and anytime I needed him. I'm so grateful. Even if in the future you're not mine, I believe you will be a good husband to your future wife like how you're treating me these days. I'm a bit jealous of whoever deserves you, but if you're happy, I'm happy too. Day by day, my day becomes more and more colorful and shines since I have you by my side. You're so good for my mental health. It was so boring when you were complaining about this and that, but it is so empty without those complaints. I want you, the person who is giving me these good feelings, to feel them as well; to feel loved by someone; to feel treated well; and to be my lover, so I don't have to worry about your future wife. Thank you for being there for me during my hard times. I really appreciated every moment I had with you.