I’ve never fallen in love

Dating suppose to be people being in love with each other but for me it’s different, i’ve been in multiple relationships and its always just them giving and showing me love and affection while i’ve never actually fallen in love with them. Doesn’t mean that i don’t love them, i do but i don’t feel the spark or the exciting feeling when i’m with them. And i never get jealous maybe it’s because i’m not in love with them that’s why i never feel jealous over anything.

Feeling bottled up?

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2025-08-14

Always

we ended just like that. you know, when i look back on the memories we have, both the good and bad, i just realized it was the most vibrant and most alive i’ve ever felt. You said i’m a mature girl. You’d believe that i would feel nothing right now, that I’d be moving on with life. And I too, think that i would be fine for now. Maybe i’d cry later, for days on end. I know that i’ll break down every night, reliving you in my head. I would try so hard not cry when I see you. Then when i look back at this later, I’d break down all over again. I love you a lot, always will. I guess this is it. Our story ends here. I’ll wish you the happiest in life, always. L
2025-08-14

My impossible crush

It sounds stupid of me but I still want to share it. First of all, i dint know that he had a gf, and I dint mean to like him as well. But he always tried to be close to me. I didn’t know when I started to like him. From day to day, I liked him more and more. One day I got to know that he already had a gf. Yeahh!!! I was shocked when I first heard. Yet, I couldn’t stop this feeling even I know it’s a Kama to love s.one else’s bf. You know, he acted like my bf. Always called me even he had nothing to say, made a video call to show me what he was doing, teased me, helped me with a little thing and etc…He even showed me of his younger pictures and his family members. At that time, I felt like I was in a relationship. I knew that it was impossible to go further but you know I just went with the flow even I knew it would hurt me but I still wanted it. I admit that I was selfish cuz sometimes I also wanted him and his gf break up and I always thought he would choose me over his gf. Unfortunately, he disappeared without noticed. Since then, we had no longer contacted to each other for almost two years now. Since we hadn’t followed each other on social media, so now I don’t know anything about him. If this message is happened on his new feed, I hope he would notice it. And I want to confess my feeling for him right now that I still have feeling for you but I don’t expect anything from you. I just want to show my feeling. That’s all from me. And lastly, I just wonder did u have any feeling for me a little bit?
2025-08-14

Why HIM?

There are many men out there in this world Surly I haven’t met all kinds of men yet. I have found my type but I don’t see that type in many men yet. So why am I rushing myself into this? And the only question that keep running in my mind is Why HIM?- yes, I want him and I love him I can see myself that I’m not crazily fall in love with him which I used to but I can’t live without him as well. I hate that’s the person I’m in love right now is him cuz I know we can’t be more than just FRIENDS. From all these months we’ve been messaging, calling, are all caring as friends? Or more than that? YES, we flirted for fun but I can’t believe I’m the one who lost in this game that we both started. It seemed unfair to me, how can he sleep peacefully every single nights without feeling anything while I couldn’t sleep properly because my mind is thinking about him. The happiness feeling which made me feel so loved, special, the smile that I wear on my face while facing my phone’s screen, feeling someone is giving me the best comfort or comfortable hug which I thought it was gone and never comes back suddenly comes into my life. All because of who? - it’s HIM I hate how biggest role play he plays in my life without realizing anything.. like nth until I can’t lost him. I hate how his sweet words and action melt my heart into water. I hate how I am to him like an open book but for me I can’t even read his mind a bit I hate how every songs I’m listening to is always remind me about him. I hate how many articles I have read always related to our situation. I hate when I know we can’t be more than this and how many times I try to stop myself to fall for him but end up losing I hate how today he treated me like I’m a queen then tmr I’m just someone simple to him. Is it because of me? Am I the only one who fall for my own dream? Does he ever feel the way I do too? Is it my fault? Should I make a first move to get the answer or take a step back ? But HE- he’s really the one who I got inspired these days. Never ever I got/ know a man who can give me this positive energy before. They told me to finding a man who keep pushing you and making you improve for better. YES, I found that person, I found him but I can’t have him. I found someone who I’m about to lost in love way not friendship. The smile I have, all good feeling I have is from him but the painful feeling right now, a drop of smile on my face also because of him cuz I can’t feel that feeling anymore [ BABE ] I know we joke around calling each other like this. But I want us to keep calling each other like this as forever. One day someone will come into his life and replace me with this nickname, one day he’ll find his true [ BABE ] and takes care of his heart which I know that isn’t me but sometimes the little hope in my heart still think however I’m still here being happy for him to find somebody new and best for him. I miss him, miss the old vibe we used to be, am I being trapped by my own feelings/ game I have set for myself again? Having crush is ok and fun not until you truly love someone too much and for real. And for me this situation isn’t having a crush this what we called, right person wrong time. Or I can say right person wrong situation. I swear to myself that I won’t end up in this kind of love situation again but look? Why the boys that I fall in this situation always the nice guys. This situation is harder than having a crush on someone and the feeling I have for men in this situation is much much stronger and it just hits different. I still remembered how much time I had to move on from that old person, even after years he’s still the one who I remember and he lives free in my heart. And now look at who coming again. Same way, same feeling but this one is stronger. He actually being the same way as the old person. How he drives me crazy, how much he make me fall in love everyday. Are we gonna end our relationship like I did with that old person? By stop messaging anyone? It’s hurt. There’s only one thing both of them don’t have in common is everyone knows/ sus on me with old person but between me and him no one noticed it yet unless I told people.
2025-08-14

Mr saitama

Dear Mr Saitama , Yess you have Saitama as your pf , so I call you “Mr Saitama” , hope u don’t mind it . I’m here to say that i like you alot , You have no idea how badly i wanna get to know you and talk to you , idk if you’re shy or don’t want to talk to me at all , so I’m kinda scared of texting u first …
2025-08-14

What I did, I do and I’ve done.

I asked you to move on and find someone who would give u the love that you deserve. U did. I promise that we still be friend afterwards. And I keep our promise. Lastly, you have found your happiness as my will for you has been fulfilled. Everything goes as planned, but why I’m still hurt?

2025-08-14

A point where ......

I reached a point where love is not that necessary to me. Idk, i feel like I'm waiting for something yet i don't even know what it is. (my kiddo back from UK, or Angel falling from a sky ? or That kretttt Sound from ATM?) seeing people i know going through from one relationship to another one- sometime i feel like i'm just a NPC in a game. i don't have to feel, whatsoever... just be there and stand still. Someone said to me " if you really love something, beside of scare being hurt- you should go for it like you used to." - it's not like i don't want to, It's just people take you for granted for so long and you tend to lose a soft spot for them and that SXXT traumatized you. To all people who like me ~ i hope you take it easy on people who want to be with you - idk give them a chance and try be reasonable with them. (esp: cancer sign woman: They are the purest people i know (alot of them but not all) - if they love you- trust me- Even godzilla can't do anything to you) All they want is just being with you ! Btw, Go stream BIGBANG- Still life ~ Thank you 🔥🤍

2025-08-14

A long lost friend

HEYY, It’s been a long long time since we talked. I’ve tried to reach out to you about a few years ago but I’ve never been heard from you ever since. We have lost touch completely. I always miss you. I know that you’ve dealt with mental issues but I have no ideas how are you doing now. I have been dreaming about you a lot in these last few years and last night you popped up in my dream again and it felt so real that we were reunited. You’re still matters to me even though I have never been heard from you since I texted you few years ago. I just wanna know how have you been, how is your life. You’re no longer active on your social media and I have no idea if this post is gonna reach you but if so, I hope you know that I miss you. I know you must be doing well for yourself; but whatever it is you are doing, I hope you’re happy. Either of us are chooses our paths in life, and I guess your path just no longer intertwined with mine. But I hope you’re happy. Because I really do wish you the best. And I genuinely wish you well. It’s completely fine if you don’t want to reach out to me again. If it’s possible, please let me know that you’re alright and that’s what I want to hear from you. From someone who remembers and will always remember you.
2025-08-14

:(

Where have been to for so long??? I am not okay here. I feel like I am all alone. Hug me tight please.