Same shit different day.
17.July.2022 Asking myself the same thing every single day "should I move on?" But everytime I see your notification pop up on my screen it always lit up the glimpse of hope inside me that one day we will be together.
How do people lied to you and still can sleep peacefully right next to you? I literally cannot. What’s the point in trying to hide the fact that you went out to some place? If I didn’t found out about it, you’re gonna remain silent too? You stuttered and surprised when I questioned you. Doesn’t that speak volume already? I know what you did, but I just remain silent and see how far you can hide all the things you did.
17.July.2022 Asking myself the same thing every single day "should I move on?" But everytime I see your notification pop up on my screen it always lit up the glimpse of hope inside me that one day we will be together.
I dun even know what to say. Everything seem so heavy to me. I wonder if this world just this cruel or it just me, the problem. _n
I have a crush on my senior, idk when was it that I start have that feeling. I like him a lot but I always hide my emotions sooo well, uhhmm I’m not quite sure tho abt this😂. I think we start to get pretty close lately that he share about his plan with me without telling anyone else and of course I’m always the supporter, he even help me with my health issue he tryna find the solution for me and he even helping me out a lot, like guiding me to his uni since I want to study there too. He encouraged me with so many things. But I’m still not sure if we both have a mutual feeling… I never expected much since he always a kind person he might have done the same things to everyone.
I don't know how to put it in words, but there's something strange inside me every time I think about you. I admit that I am the kind of person who has many opposite-gender crushes, yet no one ever makes me feel like you do. It's been 9 months now that I just can't stop thinking about you.I will be looking at you and listening to your voice every time I feel unmotivated. I always smile when I see your face through the screen. I take your every sentence seriously and am trying to get to know your point and think through that. You're my inspiration and motivation. At the same time, you've got a place in my heart, my pure heart. I hope that in the future, when I grow older than this, you are still single, so I can make a move lol. In addition, I think I like you or in love with you maybe, idk.
Every year on this time, my birthday, I feel empty. I feel tired, pressure, and stress. Is it because I grow older, I got more responsibility. People may enjoy their birthday, but not me. I do not know why this happen. I noticed that in the last few year, I’ve been feeling the same. No excitement, nothing. NOTHING. I do not understand myself. I could not express in words. It just stuck in my mind, my body, my soul. Is it happen to everyone? Or just me? Writing this made me want to cry much, but there no tear left in me. If you have seen this and feel the same way, I hope you find your happiness and stay strong. #Fromaguywhobottledupeverything.
To you my priority, since the day you left, I’m certain that I’m not the same person as I used to be. I’m sure that my feeling right now isn’t okay and it hurts me the most. I wanted to let you know that, you’re the only one who made me know what love is, you’re the only one who made me feel warm and secure while I was with you, you’re the only one that my love for you is still the same since our first day until now, you’re the only one whom I have any plans for the future. All of the sacrifices, efforts, and times that I put in, I didn’t expect anything in return, other than your love and dedication. I did everything just to make you feel that you’re the only one that got all of those things from me, not everyone else. I did everything just to make you feel happy, warm, and comfortable. I’ve never stopped daydreaming about how I’m going to build my life, buy my first house, first car with you, and marry you one day. You know what? I see you every two weeks, and when I return home I feel as if I've lost something that no one or nothing can replace. I had the feeling that I was leaving something behind that would never come back. I miss you, I'm upset, I didn’t want to return home, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re the only one, when I’m having fun and all I could think of is what if you were right here with me? I’d go on trips and while living in the moment, I allowed my imaginations to get ahead of me and I was able to picture you beside me and I got that feeling of “how nice would it be for you to be here with me”. To me, you’re perfect. To me, you’re beautiful as always in my eyes. I’m grateful you came into my life, I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me. My love for you hasn't changed, and no one can take your place in my heart, my mind, and my brain. And I’m so sorry for what I’ve done to you. Sorry that I can’t keep you by my side. I’m still hoping everyday that you will come back to me again. You’re special to me. I’m so proud to have you in my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Your photo is still in my wallet, and your picture is still on my lock screen wallpaper. I wrote these letters with a song that I used to sing for you, When you’re home - Tyler Shaw. It’s 3AM now and I’m still thinking about you. I hope you will come back to me! #NL
I heard people said "when u are a girl and u're strong is hard for a man to catch u up. Because when u sad or depress and in a hard situation u never need ur man to comfort u cause u can deal it on ur own. That will make up think u are strong enough to deal with ur proplem and he is too useless and starting to distance himself from u cause he think u are to high like a star for him to catch and he to weak, not a man who u deserve". I think they are right. I had been in 3relatio ahips now. The reason of my break up are I am to strong and i never show my weakness and even not talk about my things to my man, so they broke up with me. They never knew i am living a misirible life. I had all kind of pain and trying really hard each day until everything become a habbit. The pain can hurt me anymore.
In case someone said I'm trying to ruin other family, I have to say it first. I never had any intention to ruin his marriage just because some memories. He and his wife deserve to be happy and live their life. I'm just a part of his past. I'm also a woman and I won't do anything that could hurt another woman. Please don't take my confession to the wrong way!!!