Heavy

2025-08-14

Love and Trauma

"Why did we break up?" It has been exactly 49 days since the day you told me that you feel off and you cannot continue this. I've been questioning myself and there were a lot of question marks in my head. Back then to day one, you told me I was your everything and your life would be hell without me. I told you that my previous relationship gave me a lot of traumas and I was scared to start a new relationship because once I love you, I commit and put 100% feeling and effort into it. You promise and you were being vulnerable to me. I decided to trust you and love you wholeheartedly. Our relationship was so pure, lovely, cute, happy until the very last day. The day that another part of me collapse. The day that every promise is broken. The day that you gave up on me. How could we suddenly break up? You gave me the love that make me feel everything then suddenly it dropped to 0. It is sting no matter how much many times I am trying to apply the medicine. It's difficult to picture it without that person because we were having a dream together and I already pictured you everywhere with me. I can't help but think about you in the middle of the night. I can't help but fantasize about a time when everything was fine. Again, I am living in a trauma that haunt me every single day. A trauma that told me that I would never be enough for someone even I keep hearing you deserve better but deep inside me told me that "IF I AM ENOUGH, HE WOULD NOT GIVE UP ON ME." Thank you for giving me love that I always want to feel but never want to leave. It gave me pain, trauma, and fear but I am glad that we come across each other in this lifetime. We broke up but "Once upon the time, my heart was yours." I love you, a_y

What is forever?

What does it mean when someone used to promise that we will be forever together. But then how long is that forever? Maybe I define it wrongly by myself….. his meaning of forever is different from mine…… Maybe I’m too dumb to believe in such words, such promise.

Sleep forever

I know it not really good to hearing those words. For me , yeah I am really tired of benign a live. I wish that I will sleep forever and never wake up. Only sleep that can help me stay aways from my nightmares, stress , tóxic , depress , sad , cry and more that I usually felt every night. At age 22 , the more I grow the more I scare . I really wish that I could sleep forever and never wake up. I am really tired of everything, study , family, love , friendship, future and everything around me . I really tired . I know it too hard but why I don’t be strong and don’t give up ? I try tooo . I really try to ne strong and don’t give up . But I still can’t survive at all . People thought that I am unless. I am usefulness . I couldn’t do anything better like other. I am really tired of hiding my broken pieces. And I tired of getting hurt again and again . I really wish that I could sleep forever and never wake up.

I’m not the one for her!

I have known her for almost a year who has a good attitude, strong and similar vibe to me. Recently there’s something in me told me that I’m not the one for her, I’m not good enough for her, i can’t take care of her for the rest of my life. Her last relationship hurt her so bad, but I was there to help her from day one. I don’t trust myself that I can go through all this things, I don’t want to see her in that kind of situation anymore, I don’t want her to lose herself again. But at the same time, there’s some part in me tell me she’s the person you have been looking for for a long time, she’s your type, she’s the girl you want to take care of. And now I don’t know what to do. It’s really hard for me

You

''I got my hopes up.'' He whispered. ''About what?'' She asked. ''About you actually loving me back." ''I tried to show you I loved you and you wouldn’t let me which is fine.'' ''But you know the worst feeling is when you find out you didn't mean as much to someone as you thought you did and you look so stupid for caring too much." "I'm sorry.'' She said.

I hope you're happier now.

It seems to me like you couldn't wait to finally getting rid of me...I was hoping you'd ask me to stay after all the shits we've been through and after all these months I've spent suffering in silent but you didn't mind losing me at all You would rather start afresh with someone new than to make things right between us I really did believe you when you gave me your word Never once did I question you and your intentions...I thought I knew you by heart and you wouldn't do anything to hurt me...I defended you to everyone Now I'm left feeling like I'm constantly dying

Attracted to Introvert is a karma

Fall in love with introverts is hard. Even you may know where they study or work, you probably can’t see them often. Even you may know their real name, they probably use fake name on social media. You can try stalking their friends or family members’ accounts but it doesn’t guarantee a success. They may not even have social media at all, or probably use a fake ones that not even their circle can know. They basically live in a cave and are probably carving art on the wall right now. Therefore, if you find any attractive introverts outside, don’t wait to get home and search for them on the internet. You may not see them touching grass for another months. So you should take a risk, approach them and don’t let the chance slips away (like me). If you’re lucky, they may let you hear their voices or more…adopt them. So, be brave guys, be brave but don’t be pushy (‘cause I’ve been there and it didn’t work). 🥴🥴🥴

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