Always you!

To you my priority, since the day you left, I’m certain that I’m not the same person as I used to be. I’m sure that my feeling right now isn’t okay and it hurts me the most. I wanted to let you know that, you’re the only one who made me know what love is, you’re the only one who made me feel warm and secure while I was with you, you’re the only one that my love for you is still the same since our first day until now, you’re the only one whom I have any plans for the future. All of the sacrifices, efforts, and times that I put in, I didn’t expect anything in return, other than your love and dedication. I did everything just to make you feel that you’re the only one that got all of those things from me, not everyone else. I did everything just to make you feel happy, warm, and comfortable. I’ve never stopped daydreaming about how I’m going to build my life, buy my first house, first car with you, and marry you one day. You know what? I see you every two weeks, and when I return home I feel as if I've lost something that no one or nothing can replace. I had the feeling that I was leaving something behind that would never come back. I miss you, I'm upset, I didn’t want to return home, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re the only one, when I’m having fun and all I could think of is what if you were right here with me? I’d go on trips and while living in the moment, I allowed my imaginations to get ahead of me and I was able to picture you beside me and I got that feeling of “how nice would it be for you to be here with me”. To me, you’re perfect. To me, you’re beautiful as always in my eyes. I’m grateful you came into my life, I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me. My love for you hasn't changed, and no one can take your place in my heart, my mind, and my brain. And I’m so sorry for what I’ve done to you. Sorry that I can’t keep you by my side. I’m still hoping everyday that you will come back to me again. You’re special to me. I’m so proud to have you in my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Your photo is still in my wallet, and your picture is still on my lock screen wallpaper. I wrote these letters with a song that I used to sing for you, When you’re home - Tyler Shaw. It’s 3AM now and I’m still thinking about you. I hope you will come back to me! #NL

Feeling bottled up?

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How u call it mature love?

Admin please comfirm this. Idk if this is so call mature love or love with a business man. My bf is a business man and also hard working man. I don't know if y'all believe in zodiac sign but he is gemini. 1st, let talk about chat, as i count the time we had a chat we only spend 40mn about personal stuff, if we had a long convo it about our work or bs. 2nd, the time we spend with each other outside most of the time also relate to work, we sit far from each other like a stranger or normal worker, but some told me he shown me respect to not touch me outside cause elder will look at me in discuss way if he does that. 3rd, he offen go to province or he so focus on his work he will ignore me for a day or more, like these days he called me he went to kpc 2 days ago then we didn't talk till now. Is this what u call mature? Is this love? I'm so confuse, cause i used to asked him for break up n he ignore me like nth had happened.

I’m not the one for her!

I have known her for almost a year who has a good attitude, strong and similar vibe to me. Recently there’s something in me told me that I’m not the one for her, I’m not good enough for her, i can’t take care of her for the rest of my life. Her last relationship hurt her so bad, but I was there to help her from day one. I don’t trust myself that I can go through all this things, I don’t want to see her in that kind of situation anymore, I don’t want her to lose herself again. But at the same time, there’s some part in me tell me she’s the person you have been looking for for a long time, she’s your type, she’s the girl you want to take care of. And now I don’t know what to do. It’s really hard for me

Metaphysical idea of Freedom

I have been living on a fence between being normal, socially constructed, like most of everyone else, and being true to my cognitive self. To set up the premise, I am currently working as a software developer. I've been coding just so I know how to make games but that is still easier said than done. Being torn between work for my family and walking for my own can sometimes be discouraging. Is it lunacy to chase a near impossible spectrum of goals given where we are living? and leave behind our own flesh and blood even though just for a brief period of time compared to the whole life span in which we humans can live? The idea of knowing your own value is so vaguely destructive due to never being taught before how to measure that aspect of our own internal value, which spawn ignorance and esteem issues. "Pick the one you love", they said. The idealistic entity in which all of my hopes and expectations combined has nothing more but shattered due to the chaotic nature of nature itself. I fear the unknown, the dread of not knowing what to come next. The dread of nothing matters. I can only work towards it but how it ends will frighten me nonetheless.

Just feel sad

I'm not sure u'll see this post or not but it always simple like the way u never see me too ;( I know that was along journey between us, being with you as I always wish but I know I went too far from what u never want to, feel like I'm the only once, It a bit hurt but I could understand we can't push someone to love us back it because u also have someone special in your heart someone that u feel different way from me, still I'm asking myself why I'm jealous since I'm not him. It okay to be hurt like this because I can feel your feeling too to be with person we don't want to, I always want to be just like him the once that u always take care of, the once that u never ignored ... look how stupid I think this never gonna happen stupid me. Ur happiness was always my happiness even with or without me :))

Dont know what the title should be, I just want to get it off my chest

Im not sure where to start this and i don't want ti write a-lot either but I feel like I can’t tell or discuss anything with my best friend anymore … the thing is whenever I told her about something I want to do or what im planning to buy, she’d always do that that thing or buy those thing before me and act like I’ve never told her about it before, and it happens a lot (stupid me just notice those action when I told her i really like this short and planning to buy it (she doesn’t say anything like she wants those too) and next two or three days she bought those without asking whether we should buy it tgt and even do a mirror selfie and send it to me, like i know it’s small thing but it still hurts… even with dudes… (fyi im a shadow), if i told her there is dude I’m interested in, she’d like oh I’ll add him too or let me a game or two with them too and then they talk and become close… like i don't know whether this is normal thing to do so im not sure what to think anymore.

Unknown feeling

I have met someone for almost 1 year and I started to feel like he is warm when I stay with him without any love feeling. I don’t feel on him but I just wanna stay with him, talk to him, play with him as normal but more than other. I keep thinking about him everyday, checking his personal life even his ex. But the matter is that I don’t feel on him, I don’t want him, I ask myself again and again but the answer is nothing. Moreover I don’t feel excited or shock when I meet him but I want to talk or to see him. So Is it called love or normal?

Stupid…

Why does girl don’t love someone who love her, but she love someone who hurt her? I wonder why this happened to me? I am always unlucky with love, always always love one side. I try to much to stop my feelings that falling in him but it doesn’t work. I haven’t confess to him yet but I already give up twice because it seems like he will never interested in me. What should I do? Should I move on and find someone or confess to him? I can’t do everything these days , I stuck with this 😭😭 Please help me….!

All the clouds in me are raining

I’ve been questioning my life lately and I try freaking hard to become the best version of myself everyday. Living away from home without having my parents by my side is something I’ve never done before and I admit that my life has changed so much since the day I left home. I’m constantly teary knowing how much they worry about me. They are the ONLY reason why I keep going and still living this freaking life. If it weren’t for them, my existence wouldn’t have existed until now. I admit that I appreciate where I am now. I truly am! But at some points, I feel like the life I’m living is currently draining me day by day. I cannot see the purpose of life and it stressed me out whenever I think of the word ‘future’. It’s so dark and I cannot see anything. My anxiety keeps telling me the worst scenarios because I know that I cannot be the one everyone expects me to be. I might look normal but deep down inside I’m just a sad soul. No one knows how hard it is for me to survive each day. Having anxiety and insecurities about everything. Being a professional overthinker who worry even at a little thing and always wake up tired from a vivid dream… I don’t want to live like this but it’s not like I have a choice. The more I grow up, the more I start questioning my life and wondering why I live like this. I’m turning 19 next month and my only wish is that I can survive til I’m 20… -J