Temporary Unknown Status

Hey, you are the one who decided to break up and also you are the one who ignored and closed the communication even said we can’t continue anymore. As time goes by, I’m trying to heal myself and move on, you showed up acting like all the above things didn’t happen. When I ask why would you come back, you said there must be a reason but you don’t know it too. So I’m wondering what am I to you really? A toy?

Feeling bottled up?

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"best thing"

I dont know how it started and why it turn out this way. I wanna keep you at any cost even as the closest friend but it seems like I could never be enough for anyone. I dont want you to call me "best friend" since the last time someone called me best and all they do is ghosted me and I dont think u want me to be ur best friend too. I dont even have a chance to ask what is going wrong since I respect their space but you know deep down inside I wonder about all those memories, all the hardest times I have faced and shared with you, is it real. I dont know but I feel ache every time ppl say I was the best thing that happened to them, did they really mean it or just bc I was there for them whenever they needed me. I miss every game we used to play, meme we used to share, chessboard when u ask me to play chess. I could not listen to our fav song anymore, could not open up to anyone anymore. I wonder is it for character development since I never dare to go out of my comfort zone,u know how hard it is to go out and make a new friend at this age. no one pay attention when i say words only you pay those small things. can we just go back to those old times?

I was chasing for someone love than I was lost in game.

One upon the time, there was me and a guy. A guy who I could lose myself for him even my life. And also had another guy who always there when I need help. Let back to reality, when you heard a word “ love “ what was the most meaningful come cross to your mind? To me that was the a beautiful cloudy day which is became to bad storm with sec. The beautiful didn’t last, you are the one who was been in love one side while he wasn’t. I don’t know what zone we have been through but sometimes we looks like a couple and the other we became a sibling and not too long we became a stranger. It hard to blame on me while he was made me confusing all the time. The way he was taking care the way he treated me those actions ghosting me every night. I tried to talk to him about our relationship, he just pushed me away stopped not to talk. Before I have the feeling for him I have asked him many time about his personal life I mean doesn’t he dating someone yet, the answer I got he is single who not having much time to thing about loving stuff. I trust those with and I could not find anything about his love life on social media also. We talked we laughed we chitchat, hanged out, eating out but we never called that was dating. Even we went on the trip together just 2 of us. I was thinking about does man always doing those stuff with a girl he not even like a bit!?! Does he like me?!? If not why he took me here while these are couple usually did. I was talking to myself everyday thinking all about his attitude. And now I realized I have been used, I still have no idea that he was dating someone or not but I just no that he just using me to comfort his loneliness life. Honestly I knew that he was being nice to everyone he known, but there are some point made me think he like me by the ways treated me differently from other.

I’m longing for YOUU.

How are you doing ?? You have been so silent. Don’t you even miss me ?? What do you say ?? But fuck you, you leave me worried and not even fucking let me hear out a word.

To the man who would put me first before anything else

I have never realized how painful it is to be avoided by someone who once could easily brighten my day up by just showing up in front of me. To the man who would put me first before anything else, do you recollect the moments we spent together? How have you been doing after the day we no longer talked to one another? Could I ask for those days to happen once again? And could you call one last time so that I don’t regret not picking up your phone the last time you called me? You have every reason to hate me, but you can’t expect me to do the same. I’m good at hiding my feeling but that doesn’t mean my heart is not breaking seeing you attempting to avoid me at all cost.

From gech,

I’m really happy to see all my friends and people around me are slowly but gradually figuring their life out; while I’m still here, imagine myself dying every way possible. What a GREAT life! #kayyy_4993

Time to rest

I have been keeping many problems inside of me, not because I have no one,but there are many people who take care on me, always check up. The point I just want them live their happiness and I don't trust many people to speak out. People thought I'm fine I'm so strong, but I can't stop my tear when my soul mate hit the point. I tried to say "Oh I'm good, I'm fine". Sometimes, I disappear on social media also I stop connecting with friends, close people. Sorry for doing this, I need time to rest. Healing... Disconnected- may the happiness to my people.

Biggest mistake.....

I fuckin went berserker mode on my toilet and my shit went all over the place. EVEN MY MOUTH

I miss you a lot

I miss the days that I drove you home, miss having you by my side, cuddling, as well as the long journey we had shared. It’s sad having to accept the fact that one of us had to part from each other’s in order for things to work out. You were a gf, best friend, and a mom. From someone once was your Antman 😔