"best thing"

I dont know how it started and why it turn out this way. I wanna keep you at any cost even as the closest friend but it seems like I could never be enough for anyone. I dont want you to call me "best friend" since the last time someone called me best and all they do is ghosted me and I dont think u want me to be ur best friend too. I dont even have a chance to ask what is going wrong since I respect their space but you know deep down inside I wonder about all those memories, all the hardest times I have faced and shared with you, is it real. I dont know but I feel ache every time ppl say I was the best thing that happened to them, did they really mean it or just bc I was there for them whenever they needed me. I miss every game we used to play, meme we used to share, chessboard when u ask me to play chess. I could not listen to our fav song anymore, could not open up to anyone anymore. I wonder is it for character development since I never dare to go out of my comfort zone,u know how hard it is to go out and make a new friend at this age. no one pay attention when i say words only you pay those small things. can we just go back to those old times?

Feeling bottled up?

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2025-08-14

I think it hits me again…

I think the dep hits me again. I noticed by when my heartbeat started to go fast, sometimes I feel suffocated, I couldn’t catch my breath, I couldn’t concentrate, my hands get shaky, my body feel weak, I got lost of interest in making any decisions, my weight started to lost again. I hate to fall into the conditions but I couldn’t help. I tried asking for help but it doesn’t work, it only makes me feel like I’m different, especially when they try to be too careful with me (it looks to fake, I could see it) It is amazing how my mood changes too quickly, I was just laughing and talking a lot yesterday, but today everything become a sorrow story again. I used to think of getting a therapist, asking an expert on my conditions, but the fact that I was under control by my family and that I couldn’t ride or drive any transportation method at all, make me feel even more bad and useless. I also used to think about reaching them via email or phone calls, but I was too scared, it was too hard for me to make myself do it, so I decided I gave up seeking for mental specialist. I chose to be healed by my own. (I really did heal myself but there was a lot of time the demon hits me back and forth, sometimes I feel really happy and the next minutes I feel like k*lling myself) I don’t know what else should I do. Are there anyone who will be the light for me?

2025-08-14

Wait

ខ្ញុំមានរឿងក្នុងចិត្តមួយមកនិយាយខ្ញុំមានអារម្មណ៍ខុស បន្ទាប់ពីខ្ញុំបានធ្វើទង្វើអាក្រក់ដាក់អ្នកជាច្រើនប៉នែ្តមិនមែនខ្ញុំមិនស្រលាញ់អ្នកទេខ្ញុំស្រលាញ់អ្នកស្ទើរលេបទៅហើយប៉ុន្តែដោយសារតែខ្ញុំខ្លាចបាត់បង់អ្នកទើបខ្ញុំធ្វើបែបនេះព្រោះពេលនោះខ្ញុំមិនទាន់ស្គាល់អ្វីទៅដែលហៅថាការស្រលាញ់ខ្ញុំដឹងត្រឹមថាការស្រលាញ់គឺការប្រច័ន្ឌហួងហែងគ្នាទើបហៅថាក្ដីស្រលាញ់ប៉ន្តែបន្ទាប់ពីខ្ញុំបាត់បង់អ្នកទើបខ្ញុំដឹងថាការប្រច័ន្ឌហួងហែងគ្មានបានអ្វីក្រៅពីរឿងឈ្លោះប្រកែកគ្នានោះទេការដែរស្រលាញ់ពិតគឺជាការទុកចិត្តគ្នាទៅវិញទៅមកការដែរដឹងសុខទុក្ខគ្នាទៅវិញទៅមកការដែរយល់ពីគ្នា... ខ្ញុំទើបតែយល់ថានេះហើយគឺជាការផ្ដល់សេចក្ដីស្រលាញ់ឲ្យគ្នាពេញលេញ។ ខ្ញុំគ្រាន់តែមកសុំទោសនៅរាល់កំហុសដែលខ្ញុំបានធ្វើខុសដាក់អ្នក😊។ បន្ទាប់ពីពួកយើងបែកគ្នាហើយខ្ញុំនៅតែមានអ្នកក្នុងបេះដូងខ្ញុំជាប់ជានិច្ចនៅតែគិតនៅតែខ្វល់ខ្វាយប៉ន្តែមិនអីទេប្រហែលអ្នកបានជួបអ្នកថ្មីនោះគេល្អជាងខ្ញុំហើយ😊។ បន្ទាប់ពីខ្ញុំឃើញអ្នកនិងសង្សារថ្មីអ្នកសប្បាយខ្ញុំក៏មានអារម្មណ៍ថាសប្បាយដែរប៉ុន្ដែបើថ្ងៃណាមួយគេធ្វើបាបត្រូវចាំថាខ្ញុំនៅទីនេះនៅចាំលើកទឹកចិត្តអ្នកជានិច្ច។
2025-08-14

Toxic

My mental health is breaking down so is my mind. The cheerful me have gone and I wish I could have someone who stay by my side and tell me “Everything will be fine.” :)
2025-08-14

Pretend to be stupid

As an insecure gf and having trust issues, I have an undercover ig acc to stalk his ex. Just recently, she posted about her new bf in her story. Later that day, my bf posted some sad songs about ex and some sad memes, his chat becomes dry for quite a few days and he told me he wasn’t feeling good lately and need some times for himself. He ghosted me for a day now, I know he might be sad about other things or might going through a hard time, so I’ll just leave him some space. But as an overthinker, I feel like he hasn’t moved on from his ex and he’s probably processing his feeling from her being in a new relationship, but I don’t want to make a wrong assumption especially at the time like this. I’ll just pretend I don’t know anything… deep down it’s hurting me…
2025-08-14

You said we were “Soulmate”❤️‍🔥

When things got too caught up, I disappeared, I shut down that just how I am, that’s how I cope with stress. So sorry, I think this time I shut down too long didn’t I? I didn’t talk for months instead of hours. Actually, during those months I hope that u would comfort me but u never once message me during those months and all these thoughts that were all up in my head like “you don’t love me anymore” start to come up and it’s true. When I finally open up again, when I feel better and talk again You already decided to abandon me. It’s hurtful but it’s understandable so I respect your decision. Hope that’s the best decision you’ve ever made. Hope you are happy. Some people are blessings, some are lessons so Thank you for the lesson. 🥰
2025-08-14

In between

I could say I moved on, that’s why I’m here with my new relationship for 3 months. Last month was when my ex of 2 years has asked me if there’s a chance for us to be back tgt again. I told him and made things pretty clear with him that there’s no chance of us doing so, because I’m in a healthy relationship with my new bf. As I’m writing him to explain my feelings, I realized I’m not fully healed, it’s still hurting recalling the memory’s of us as I explaining, I still have a soft spot for him, he’s still a part of me. To ask whether I hate my ex after we broken up? I would say I don’t hate him not even one bit, I was just solely disappointed in him. Relationship with him was healthy, understanding, supportive, faithful and all, until earlier last year, when he made me thinks that the bare minimum was too much request in relationship. A part of the problem came from the environment that we’re surrounded with, everything’s started to change so did he, he became very arrogant, he used to be so supportive now every opinion of mine become invalid and he always listen to others before me. That’s when I feel miserable everyday being with him, things going on for months to the point I feel like I should leave and I did. He didn’t beg or anything he let me go and that’s when I also realized he may has lost his feeling for me and that I should work on myself. It’s been almost a year, I met someone new. To compare everything to him, my new bf is more like my dream ideal type, he asked to be his gf (possibly potential partner for the future, because we planned on our future and everything tgt, tho the duration seems pretty short) and I should say him and I get along just fine. It’s just this one thing, the amount of effort he put is way less than my ex when we’re in love. To put things in short, I don’t want to admit it but I must say that I’m almost like a chaser in this relationship even though he’s the one that asked me first. At some point, I also feel tired too, I wasn’t like this in my previous relationship, before everything changes, I was treated almost like a queen, never a day I ever feel like unwanted or lefted alone ever. That’s what I love the most out of previous relationships. As being with the new one, I feel like the Karmas do me good, now that everything my ex did for me, I’m doing it to my new bf without a return. I sometimes miss being treated by my ex, now that he came back and he changed a lot because of all the flaws that I explained to him before I ended the relationship making me miss him even more. Back to the question if I should go back to my previous relationship or should I moved on, I’m in a serious debate. My ex and I shared deeper connection than my new one, but I don’t want to give up on my new relationship just yet just because of my ex return, plus my new relationship is a long distance one, it’s unfair for him to compare things that my ex can possibly do just because he’s near me and was spending much longer time than my new one. I can’t just compare things. As for now I really don’t know what to do (I really need an anonymous consultation if anyone interested to help pls cmt, I’ll reach u out in anonymous acc)

2025-08-14

To my beloved BF

To my beloved bf Please always rmb I always love you but there are many things that I must handle on my own. I know we are one and we must get thru things together but this time it is too much. So let me suffering alone. I don’t want you to feel bad and need to get into these problems too. I love you always and still. I hope you are always doing good and I will be there always seeing you getting what you want. I can’t wait to see you success and it would be the day I feel happy the most. Thank you for loving me and taking care of me so far. I can tell you are perfect for me.But let’s do this, let’s me handle my problem first without bothering you. ily💕

2025-08-14

when to give up on someone?

i think i can’t tell my whole story… i did tried my best to make everything better but seem like it’s doesn’t work