Until then...
Maybe one day, we'll meet again and explain to each other what really happened. Maybe one day we'll finally understand. Until then, I hope you live your best life and I hope you really do all the things you always wanted to do.
I fell for you. Over and over. Repeatedly, I let you hurt me and come back. For so long, I made these excuses in my mind that made me believe that I meant more to you than I probably ever did. I vividly remember the days when you left and I would spend hours crying. My chest was heaving with the pain that came with being the second choice once again. I’ve spent years instinctively looking for any remnants of you. Hoping that one day you would simply realize everything that you did wrong. But sadly, I found myself wishing for things that wouldn't happen. I fell into that familiar second choice again. Maybe it’s my fault for letting you, for always sitting within your peripheral vision and being someone you could run back to. Maybe it’s my fault for not standing up for myself sooner. I spent so much time wondering why I was never good enough to be that first choice. Never good enough to be the one you felt you needed. As I watch you search for something you’re looking for, I silently sit back here holding my tongue while I try not to tell you that it’s me. But maybe you don't feel the same and it’s easy for me to say that I’m not a second choice. And yet, every time you come back, I find myself falling all over again. Knowing within me that I will always be the backup plan. I always go in with a strong will and a solid wall around me and I always come out with a broken heart. Maybe that’s my life, my destiny as some would call it, to always be waiting for you to choose me first. Maybe one day I’ll wake up and realize how much of a first choice I truly am and finally let you go. Until then I’ll stand here feeling much like the someone who’s always chosen last because maybe I am, after all, just a second choice.
Maybe one day, we'll meet again and explain to each other what really happened. Maybe one day we'll finally understand. Until then, I hope you live your best life and I hope you really do all the things you always wanted to do.
Dope I am a kind of person that would build the walls instead of the bridge because I used to experience some trauma events in the past. [newLine*] [newLine*] They used to call me “ sensitive, dramatic, self victimized, stupid, etc.” And here I am, being a cold hearted person ever in my life. I don’t like the version of today’s me yet, I am still glad that it kinda makes me stronger and be more careful around my surroundings. Running away from my own feelings is one of my coping mechanisms since it is the best way to do so when it comes to expressing emotions. I wanted to open up and have the healthiest relationship with others but the dark inner part of me is still keep telling me that they will judge me in every possible way that they could also the people that I expect then to be will be leave me eventually anyway so instead of being my real self, I just show them what they wanted to see from me.[newLine*] [newLine*] Losing the ones that I love is also a tragic cause for my mental health too. My mom passed away since I was 6 years old and I hadn’t had the mother-daughter moments yet and it really broke my heart ‘til nowadays. So instead of crying, I usually hide my true emotions and keep moving forward when I was still not healed from what broke me in the past. I used to held grudges, always get jealous when they got what I wanted, they have the best relationship with their families, they have a strong self confidence and many more. Very toxic person I could possibly find. [newLine*] [newLine*] But here I am, after all what I have been through both mentally and physically. A cold hearted b*tch also I am still keep finding out who I really am and what is my purpose of life. I still feel guilty when I hurt the ones that love me so, but nothing is permanent anyway so I’ll live the best of my life instead of pleasing other people. [newLine*] [newLine*]From, thyka. ♡︎
It’s been 6 months since we've been apart. I’m happy for you two that you’re still getting in touch with each other. Do you know? things become worse day by day because the memories are killing me. I can say I cried a lot when I went outside without any of you. I always go to the place that we used to go, and I know it was a terrible decision how I ended the trio with my stupid reason.I hope you’re doing great living your best lives without me. Sometimes, I wanna text you guys and ask if you’re doing okay but I don’t want to bother you. I still miss our friendship, I miss how we used to sing together, I miss how we went to the café together. Take good care of yourselves. To my little crab eat your meals properly and to my big gorilla don’t always go to bed late. I love you guys and I will always do. I’m glad that I met you. #From_H_to_L_and_R
We have broke up for almost 8 months. I knew this sound stupid, despite her cheating, I still have the love for her in me. I'm not saying I want her back, but from time to time I miss having her by my side. Still looking at our photos, going to places we used to.......... Good luck with your competition
To a person whom I met online, Since I wasn’t brave enough to send you this paragraph directly, so lemme just leave it here even though I have no idea whether you’ll see this or not. You’re someone whom I didn’t expect I’d meet, then fall for you this hard. There’re a lot of kind people in this cruel world and in my world you’re the kindest one. I may be a person who rarely say NO when people ask for help, but still I never offer anyone the help first if they don’t ask except for my family and my small circle of friends. But you, yes you! We weren’t really close but every time I was struggling, you were the one who helped me even though sometimes I didn’t dare to ask for it. Tbh, I’m the type of person who easily get tired of texting and sometimes it takes me days to respond or not to respond at all, but you’re the exception. For the nine months that we’ve talked, I’ve never once gotten tired of having conversation with you even though sometimes I don’t really know what to talk about. I have no idea when I first started to have feelings for you nor the reason for it, bcuz there is no such reason for liking someone. You’re in every song I listen to and there are always the fake scenarios of us being together that I always make when I’m about to sleep. I didn’t have any courage to directly tell you that I like you, but I think my hints have been telling you enough that I really do. I really hate myself for being the only one who lowkey got my hopes up then ended up disappointed again and again. I want to ask you what you think of me so that it’ll be easier for me to move on, but I’m really afraid of rejection since I already know what the answer will be. Since these days you’re really busy with school work, I know that you’re exhausted and stressed, and sorry for not being of any help but to remind you to not forget to rest. I might not know how to comfort nor cheer you up but I’m always rooting for you and will always be here by your side if you don’t mind. I can listen to your unexplainable feelings any time. Last but not least, I’m so thankful for everything you’ve done and I truly appreciate your presence in my life. You’re the main character in my 2021. I was so enchanted to meet you.
Write tang sunday title : me and her, the never ending circle.
I just started to talk with others so I could forget you but the more I do the more you cross my mind, I hate it that I always compare them to you. And I would still choose you. :) I couldn’t believe that you chose to trust others’ words instead of mine who’s supposed to be your partner who’s supposed to spend the rest of our life together. You know I actually cut others off just for you, there are some friends who told me bad things about you and I don’t even hangout with them anymore because I know you, they don’t. I was alone for quite awhile but then I make new friends at school. But you betrayed me, you listened to others and decided to end things with me. I was so disappointed but there’s nothing I can do because it showed me the amount of trust that you actually had in me. I don’t know if you hate me now or that you never actually love me in the first place because now you already blocked me. Plus the last day (BD) that we saw each other (as couple), you didn’t even want to talk to me or even sit near me. I feel like I’m such a fool for loving you, I saw many red flags from the start , since the time you don’t even tell me your socials to the time you talked about posting each other and many more but still I decided to act blind. I told you I was never in a relationship before so I was so clueless not sure what to do, how to act. And the first serious relationship? Now you just make my anxiety and trust issues worsened. You should have look at your cousins as example in how they treat their girls you know. See the difference from how you treated me? “If they wanted to, they would.” Also, whenever I told you what I don’t like about your behavior, you always got so offended and started to send me texts after texts when all I wanted to do was to communicate how I felt. That’s why I just started to become silent cus I hated arguing with you (bad choice right because we stopped talking to each other since then). Anyways, I really hope you treat your next partner right. Take care. My former ❤️🔥
Since we don’t talk to each other like we used to, I don't know anything about your daily life, and I don’t dare to text you coz I know it’s not good to stay in between your relationship. I miss our quick meet up. I miss your good morning/good night text. But that's okay. I wish nothing but the best for you. Let me just watch you from afar. I will continue to adore you until my feelings for you fade. Meanwhile, I still watch your story to see how happy you are.