The confession
I will wait for you until you’re finally ready for a relationship again, but don’t make me wait for too long.
I fell for you. Over and over. Repeatedly, I let you hurt me and come back. For so long, I made these excuses in my mind that made me believe that I meant more to you than I probably ever did. I vividly remember the days when you left and I would spend hours crying. My chest was heaving with the pain that came with being the second choice once again. I’ve spent years instinctively looking for any remnants of you. Hoping that one day you would simply realize everything that you did wrong. But sadly, I found myself wishing for things that wouldn't happen. I fell into that familiar second choice again. Maybe it’s my fault for letting you, for always sitting within your peripheral vision and being someone you could run back to. Maybe it’s my fault for not standing up for myself sooner. I spent so much time wondering why I was never good enough to be that first choice. Never good enough to be the one you felt you needed. As I watch you search for something you’re looking for, I silently sit back here holding my tongue while I try not to tell you that it’s me. But maybe you don't feel the same and it’s easy for me to say that I’m not a second choice. And yet, every time you come back, I find myself falling all over again. Knowing within me that I will always be the backup plan. I always go in with a strong will and a solid wall around me and I always come out with a broken heart. Maybe that’s my life, my destiny as some would call it, to always be waiting for you to choose me first. Maybe one day I’ll wake up and realize how much of a first choice I truly am and finally let you go. Until then I’ll stand here feeling much like the someone who’s always chosen last because maybe I am, after all, just a second choice.
I will wait for you until you’re finally ready for a relationship again, but don’t make me wait for too long.
When I was a kid I wanted to marry my dad when I grow up. In my eyes, he was the ideal husband. Growing up to an adult now I am, it's been 1 year since I last talked with my dad. All of the experience I witnessed from hurting my mom to verbally abused my mental health, I grew apart and swear to myself I will never meet anyone like my dad. It's probably affect to my relationship life because I somehow ended up taking a bare minimum to feel loved. I somehow fool myself that it was love while instead it wasnt even close to love. I have a daddy issue and I afraid that I no longer looking in love in a man or knowing what I deserve more in love.
Should have known u never loved me cus u never said “i love you” it’s always “love you”. U said I was controlling, stalking, when all I did was ask for your social acc to follow. U never go out with me until it’s our fifth months together and it was only that one time that u hang out with me. U don’t care when it’s my birthday, u don’t care when it’s our anniversary. U always ignored my chat for hours, days and when I asked abt it u always get offended saying ure busy and stuff. I stopped starting convo cus my texts were ignored anyways. And when I ignored u the same way or worse, u get mad? Did u consider my feeling when I sent 5hrs ago but last active 5mins ago, sent 6 hrs active 30mins..? It was always like that. I endured it all, all of ur bare minimum, breadcrumbing, cus I love you too much to let go. And in the end U decided to abandon me. What’s the point of a relationship when ur partner can’t even discuss anything with u and saying they don’t like conflict? And whats the point when ur partner trust others’ words instead of yours? I wanted to know whether U trust me and u chose to trust them. Did u think I don’t know what they were doing? I just wanted to find out whether u trust or love me at all. And I got what u’ve been thinking all along, u never wanted me. :) U just obeyed. :) Should have noticed when I said “I love you” and u replied “I like you”. And I should have trusted my guts and ended thing earlier when I had to spend Christmas and new year alone. Well guess that’s an experience I should have as I have never been in a relationship. Honestly, I really hope u get ur karma. I hope ur daughter meet s’o exactly just like u so u know my father’s feeling when he decided to let u have me but that’s how I got treated. Not sure if u know who I am but I really hope u do. :) From we’re soulmate to our personalities don’t match.
ខ្ញុំនិងមិត្តស្រីរបស់ខ្ញុំបានស្គាល់គ្នាជិត៤ឆ្នាំហើយ។ ពួកយើងកម្រឈ្លោះទាស់ទែង និងមិនដែលមានភាពមិនស្មោះត្រង់នឹងគ្នាឡើយតែមួយរយៈនេះ (ប្រហែល១ឆ្នាំ) ខ្ញុំមានអារម្មណ៏ថាទំនាក់ទំនងរបស់យើងឃ្លាតឆ្ងាយពីគ្នា និងមានអារម្មណ៏ថាហត់នឿយ ហើយពេលខ្លះក៏មានអារម្មណ៏ថាស្នេហានេះសោះកក្រោះមិនដូចពេលមុន។ ខ្ញុំបានឲគ្រប់យ៉ាងដែលខ្ញុំមានឲនាងអស់ហើយ អ្វីដែលខ្ញុំចង់បានគឺការយកចិត្តទុកដាក់ពីនាងដូចគ្រាមុនតែប៉ុណ្ណោះ។
Funny isn’t it ? I thought were supposed to work on our problems. and stay friends forever? people say you’re toxic and such but i still defend and stay by your side . I’ve done bad things in the past but I’ve let it go and learned my mistake and I was hoping you’d do the same. I’d never knew you’d give up on us so easily. I’ve always put friendship above relationship cuz i know i can move on from guys i dated but not the friends that i’ve shared memories with. It’s okay na, I forgave you, live well and be happy na, I’ll be supporting you and cherished the friendship we had. Stay happy and healthy, I won’t be there to see it but i hope you achieved your dream<3
Idk how to describe my feeling right now. You know what you always stuck in my head and heart even when you're gone. What i want to say and ask: - It’s my fault that i rejected you ( At that time , i think be friend is more forever than relationship even i have feelings for you) - I regretted about my decision - I always here for you no matter what and keep waiting you @ Am I your stranger now? Can you guys help me by sharing this post? I really want him to see it. _Seeing you happy is already my happiness_
You're not sorry for hurting someone. You're not sorry for taking advantage of someone else's feeling for you. You're not sorry for making them feel low and pathetic. You're only thinking that you feel sorry because that's the only way to reassure yourself that you weren't actually in the wrong but, in fact, that doesn't actually stop you from repeating it. There's no excuse for you. You never care but it would have at least been better if you didn't care enough to actually care to hurt someone who's currently yearning for you. It's crazy how those who hurts will only continue to hurt, the excruciating pain. When you can't overcome the trauma and agony, you were seen to be weak and that you're the only one allowing yourself to get hurt. That could be true but that doesn't always mean that they aren't trying to break free. When reality has seeped in and escaping is succeeded, "I" will understand how relieved it would be and that's what I set to believe. You are not sorry and I am not seeking for your sympathy on the torment you have caused. Regrets and joys are mixed up in a resulted development but let's all be enlighten by it. With hopes.
Guess It’s time that we parted our ways. I’ve really tried everything I can for you. Things I was never willing to do for anyone else... but I’ve been feeling so tired... I couldn’t see where I stand. I couldn’t see if things between us are going to be better. I couldn’t see your commitment, and I’ve waited for you long enough. So I give up. To protect the little pride I have left. Hope you meet someone better and has the same love language as you. We’re not made for each other. Farewell, love.