feeling lately
I miss you a lot more than I realized. things keep happening and I always find myself wishing I could tell you about them.
“The World IS Just Awesome” sentence on his t shirt
I miss you a lot more than I realized. things keep happening and I always find myself wishing I could tell you about them.
So, I rejected my crush after he conveyed his feeling to me. It’s funny how the result should have made me happy, yet it turned out to be something scary to me. I want him to receive the sincere love from me but I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to love anyone properly. It feels like all I can do is just let me live with this feeling alone and he can just ignore me. Because it’s always better to never get started rather than having to leave him in the future. I don’t want him to be hurt. At least, right now he can forget about me more easily. -t.o.
I am depressed, insecurities filled my mind, anxiety consumed my daily life. I am filled with hate and resentment towards myself. I want to be happy but I just can't seem to be, I put on a fake smile in front of everybody but I am getting very exhausted doing so. I want to keep going but I feel like I am on the edge of the cliff and I am about to jump...! I cried for help but my family didn't seem to care, not many people seem to care, am I worthless? What is my purpose in life? Why am I here? Somebody help me!
why is it too hard to be myself?
កាលពី2ឆ្នាំមុនខ្ញុំបានបែកគ្នាជាមួយសង្សារចាស់ខ្ញុំគឺដោយសារតែមូលហេតុថាចង់ឈ្នះរៀងខ្លួនម្នាក់ៗសុទ្ធតែខ្លាំងរៀងខ្លួនហើយពួកយើងបានប្រើពាក្យសំដីខ្លាំងៗដាក់គ្នាទៅវិញទៅមករហូតដល់គាត់សុំខ្ញុំបែកបន្ទាប់ពីពួកយើងបែកគ្នាតាំងពីថ្ងៃនោះរហូតមកដល់ពេលនេះខ្ញុំនៅតែស្រលាញ់គាត់ដូចថ្ងៃដែលខ្ញុំបានស្គាល់គាត់ដំបូងហើយខ្ញុំមានអារម្មណ៍ថាស្ដាយក្រោយហើយបើសិនជាខ្ញុំចិត្តត្រជាក់នៅថ្ងៃនោះខ្ញុំនឹងមិនបាត់បង់គាត់ទេ
Nothing was wrong with you, I swear. The one who was problematic is me, myself. As soon as I sensed that you have developed feeling for me, I tried to warn you not to fall for me several time. At that time, I was suffered from my ex-crush who got in a relationship with another man. (I loved my crush so much back then). To be honest, I didn't want you to get caught up in my pain. The one who should suffer from that burden is nobody but myself. I even told you my story (you are the only one I ever told my story) and told you not to fall for me. I knew even if I got in that relationship I won't commit completely and even if I asked you to wait, it would way too unfair for you. However, I know you are someone who love hard and you shouldn't waste time with me and you deserve something better. Back then, I took a harsh decision, I blocked you out of blue so that you would hate me and forget me (and yes, it worked). I knew that you would suffer from that, but I guess it is better to suffer in short terms rather than living in pain everyday right? It is completely ok to hate me, to blame me, it is reasonable and logical. After that incident, I avoid making friend with girl as much as possible, I don't want to commit the same mistake again and again. Recently, I did sneak check on you and I found out you are in a new relationship and you both seems so happy. That is the outcome I expected. Seeing you in your current state, I knew I took the right decision after all. You are someone who should live a happy life because it is all you deserve. Nobody should experience the same pain as I did. I will remember that I was once loved. I don't hold any grudge against you. I do respect and appreciate you from the bottom of my heart. I wish you all the best.
I know you dont want to be in a relationship. You used to tell me that. It's my fault that i keep falling for you. You're too good to not falling for. You bought me my fav food, bring me to the place I want to go. Late night drive around city, hold hands... You gave me a tight hug, a hug i would never felt the same with anyone else. And now look at us.. we dont even talk anymore... i miss you. I miss your voice, your scent, everything about you. I miss our moment. I dont know what to call it but at least i had you and u're my happy place. At least I got moment... a moment that i'd never forget. 😞 I know we're only had each other for a short period of time but that's so unforgettable... it wasnt long but i know that it was something even there's no way to it. I miss you... i wish we could be us again, forget about anything and be the happy "us" just like we used too... too shy to say but i really hope u stay... #N💓</3
How could I start it? I'm more than confused by you and felt disrespect. I've never thought your notification would matter to me. I genuinely never believe that one notification would make someone's day. But here I am waiting for your notification. For all these past years, I have never tried to open up or try to make it work as I did with you. I used to give zero effort to the guys that were trying to get close to me. For you, I check you out, I make sure to keep the conversation going. I thought maybe we could go far than this. Sometimes, I thought of how you would feel to me. Maybe, he is shy? He is not sure yet? Maybe, I don't open myself enough? or did I do something that he would feel confused. I doubted myself as well. However, your behavior ends up showing how you truly feel to me. Rather than trying to approach me back, you act as we've never had something between us. It's more than enough that a girl could approach a guy first and talk. Man up! Man up for the next girl you playing.