2025-08-14
Heartbreak is a karma (Admin edition)
Yeah well admin is also using this page because stuff be that messed up sometimes.
Religiously speaking, you do good, you get good. You do bad, you get bad. And that's karma. I'm not that religious myself but some theories do stay. When I do good, I don't expect anything back. But when I know I did something bad, I always expected that it will happen back to me one day.
Right now, I don't know, I feel empty, I feel heartbrokened. Yeah allowing myself to feel those things, I put myself at fault, only I am to blame. But like the title says: Heartbreak's a karma. I'm not pretty, I dont have much admirers in high school so I'm not used to people liking me. So when I encounter someone who does, I used to just accept their love and learn to love them afterwards because I guess that is what happens when you are desperate. But now I dont do that anymore, I meet so much people nowadays so high school was a small world, a small sea with a few fish. I raised my standards, I told myself to only get in a relationship if i genuinely get attached when we were talking, I need to like someone before getting into a relationship. I wont ever get into a relationship and then learn to like them afterwards, never again. Unexpectedly I found that someone. I raised my standards and I raised my guards but in the end I still caught feelings alone.
Again, I'm not pretty. But people confessed, people tried flirting. They were good people, they put in so much efforts yet I already liked someone else so rejection was the only way out; I tried ignoring the texts, replied the texts after a long time, and with all these indirect rejections, sometimes I still had to come down to a direct one where I said no. Being rejected hurts, I know it hurts because I've been through it too so I dont like rejecting people; I dont want to hurt you because I know what it's like to be hurt.
So please, dont fall for me, dont try to love me, dont like me more than a friend. Every heartbreak, every sorrow Im feeling, I blame myself, I blame myself because i did that to you too, and the pain found its way back.
Besides of the guilt of rejecting people, I'm hard to love, I'm incapable of being happy, there are so much more people out there who deserve your love, your efforts, but not me. Furthermore, when I like someone, I do it with all my heart and that's not something that is easy to pull out from so you're probably too late regarding the speed of how fast I fall for someone. My life, my emotions, how I function are so messed up like that. I wouldn't want you to be messed up trying to adapt with me.