Should’ve known earlier
I thought I was special. Maybe not to anyone but to you in specifically and yet she was the one that you always have and going to choose. I have nothing to complain tho but it still strings me ‘til these days.
Just because I'm okay now doesn't mean that the feeling I lost will come back.
I thought I was special. Maybe not to anyone but to you in specifically and yet she was the one that you always have and going to choose. I have nothing to complain tho but it still strings me ‘til these days.
I was born with the problem nothing they gonna stay by my side
Wondering am I the only one who push people away, ghost everyone and get mad at everything when I’m stressed out or is this a normal thing but some people just could control it more easily than others?
The tough days I went through by myself, the darkness nights I cried without anyone knowing, the unexplainable thoughts I unable to solve, the overthinking idiot and the mentally tiring soul, I don’t freaking know how long I can deal with it anymore. I wish I could give myself the loves and comfort the way I always have for others. I wish I could put myself as my first priority AT LEAST FOR ONCE, but the freaking soft me can never do that. I wish I could speak my mind and express how I feel inside but the thought of people will leave me is frightening me. Sometimes all I need is comfort, but how can I expect people to comfort me when I can’t even do it to myself? I wish I could control the emotion I have against myself, but nahhh the stupid me don’t know how to do that. Maybe I’m the problematic one…
I'm not sure what's wrong with me at the moment. I used to expect my lover to be concerned about me, to adore me, to be childish and clingy in the same way that I am. And it didn't even happen on the day I expected it to, and my lover doesn't seem to mind what I said. Most of the time My lover alway keep me waiting , late text or call and even leave me alone for long. And am so upset with this attitude. My lover’s gone from being a don't care to wanting to spend time with me, talking with me, and appreciating me a lot now. And I'm not really that excited and happy anymore. I don't feel as if I'm excited anymore, which seems normal to me. Is this because I used to have high expectations on my lover, or because I'm gradually losing interest in my lover ?
Please don’t love with someone else.
I believe that living together before marriage is necessary. Living with a non-family member is really difficult. yet, living with family members sucks, too. The next level in every relationship is marriage, where people hope to stay together for the rest of their life. I highly recommend living together before getting married. Some of y’all gonna judge me for this but my boyfriend and I are living together for almost a year now but we have been dating for almost 6 years. I have told myself that I would never get married unless we had been living together for 3 years at least. Loving someone and living with someone are two different things. You are two mature adults with habits and lifestyles of your own, its easy to say you know each other very well just dating. As we all know that in Asian households that couples or even fiancé are not living together. I don't know maybe I'm just too modern, I find this ridiculous. Why would you marry someone who you've never lived with? Sure you might think you know their habits but do you really? Now I'm sure someone will argue that many couples moved from their parent's home straight to their new home as a married person. And that these couples usually ended up staying together. But we also have to acknowledge that divorce was not as accepted as it is today. I know that we have “ culture “ but do you really want a surprise? That surprise will result in either "I like it" or "I hate it". You are betting on "I like it", but it's 50/50, so it could also be, "I hate it", which could make you miserable for the rest of your life or this marriage level may not be so permanent. And you know what would happens when you’re divorced? You’re being blamed and pressured from the culture especially when you’re a female. Most of our parents disapproved it because of “ s€x “ but if some of us gotten to know more about S€x Education, it would be just fine. some of us are sensitive about that topic, I know.
My mom married this guy since I was like 8. We've been living together like a family but I'm not close to my mom neither do her husband. I don't call that guy dad either. They had two kids together, my younger siblings and I have a family bond, we're close to each other. But started when I'm grown up, this guy somehow touched me jokingly. Sometimes this guy would laugh and touch my toes, hands, and there's one time he pointed my boob. That makes me very uncomfortable and I couldn't point him out since he acted like it was unintentional. One time he showed me my picture (I stand and bend my back, it was a picture took from a trip) and said laughing, look at your picture it looks like... He didn't finish his sentence but you should know very well what he means. Normal people wouldn't look at one's picture and think about that unless they have lewd thought with them. I think he secretly watched me showering at night too by some hole on the bathroom's wall (they intended to make another bathroom but til now they didn't do it yet) I was too slow to notice. Every time I'm in the shower he would disappear too, and every time he heard me entering the bathroom he would go outside the house even if it's 12am and cameback right in time when I'm done. About my mom, I think she suspects this too. But instead of holding her husband accountable. She confronted me instead, I was so upset. Imagine your own mother is jealous of you and her husband and she's too scared to lose that guy and started confronting you. She really makes me lose faith in mother-daughter's bond. I know we're not close but this is too much. She questioned me everytime like I was a prisoner but never says a word to her husband. I'm starting to hate her now. Fuck. I hate this so much. I've never said a word about this to anyone because I think I can hold in. But it started getting heavy now.