我有一头牛
i really hate myself for doing things out of my own control sometimes. my red flag always chasing people away because they cannot handle it. my relationship end because of that, my few talking stages end also because of that. really hate myself for being a major problem here!
After turning 18 years old a day ago, one of my sister’s friends became very touchy towards me. I still remember on my birthday party, after I drank I went to sleep and he came near me and started to hug-sleep but not to hard since my sister was there too. I felt uncomfortable with him after that but decided to ignore it since I have known him for awhile. Yet, on the next day of my birthday party, I went to the bathroom and I saw his phone hanging on his pant. I was very shocked back then but still I am trying to ignore the facts that whether his intention is good or not. Should I ignore it or believe my own instinct ?
This is not a story but it is a apology letter to my friend. I am sorry for being a bad friend. I am sorry that for these past days, I’ve been ignoring you. It is not your fault but it is mine. The reason is because I am mad of myself. I am mad because I am such a horrible friend for getting jealous of you. I envy everything about you; however, this envy turns into jealousy. Your studies are going very great, you got a real job and you manage to make lots of friend. While me on the other hand, my studies is going down, I don’t even have a real job and I barely make any friends. You are such a great friend to me. I am very happy seeing you on your way to your success, but I couldn’t help to compare your success with my failure. I sincerely apologize to you my friend. It was wrong of me to get jealous. I won’t ask you for your forgiveness. Please continue on your great journey to success my dear friend.
Instead of it being a mind game, it's a "number game". No one like competition when they will lose to many. When a girl is in a relationship, there's only one guy to fight over. As simple as that, fewer guys, less competition. Plus, isn't it more thrilling to win over that one guy who wins over the other guys? #shedeservestwoboyfriends
(Please read this from the bottom to the top-) #5 and now What do you want from me more ? Everyone had to plays a bad guy role right ? Yes I toke it so that you don't have to lived two lifes in one body. Our journey was the best things that ever happens to me (there is nothing i would change including the day i ask u for a break up) You were not the person i was once knew. i was always the problem (No matter what isn't it?). I should told u what on my mind & what is going through my head everyday right ? so that u can tell your friend and those people would advice u to make up your mind with me right ? There was one person i really loves, she was the best thing, i could share anything with her knowing she will be behind me. Going on a trip with her, Explore new place with her, out of all things couple do- i would do anything just to be with her- BUT YOU WERE HER - right after that there only one thing u and her have the same in common (was the facial). I stayed single and rejected every girl because of one person. i want to see her in a better place first so that i can allow myself to love anyone else. Hello and Goodbye.
I’m wondering if he hates me that’s why he blocked me. :) loved him so much still do but what can you do when a person want to leave? And this pretending that everything is fine sucks. It’s been 6 months and I still can’t move on. Really hate this.
Jab pderm dombong doy ka exam ti 9 puk yrg skol knea ber kit tv 4 chnam hx .Hz kor 4 chnam hx dea puk yrg min dg tha trov jea avey ng knea oy prakot!kor doch jea 4 chnam hz dea zeii chkout mnak nis Cr yrg tea ot hean sarapheap sne brab tv u doysa tea pel dea nh rok sarapheap u mean mnus kbae lhot tver oy nh min hean ng yy pi arom klun eng brab tv u .hz nh ot dea jong u hx ng Ss u bek knea ey dea cuz nh min jong bombek bombak sneha ke trem tea nh sl u mnak eng kor nh mean k'dey sok dea .tea krob pel dea u mor yy muy nh or hav nh nv sala ey jg kor tver oy nh sby jit lerng nv min sok dea .jun por oy slanh knea lhot nah mnak nis trem khernh u sby jit kor mean kdey sok dea. Rkun dea tver laor j'muy nh nah ☺
I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. Even though it was very clear at a young age to me that mommy and daddy absolutely hated each other’s guts and only got married in the first place cause of my birth, they refused to divorce. “Staying together for the kids” is the absolute worst thing you can do to a child. Mom and dad, What did I do wrong?? my existence??? [newLine*]Personally, it effected my general self esteem and the way I formed and behaved in relationships for the rest of my life. I was diagnosed with PTSD, (yess PTSD) as growing up in a house that was literally a battlefield. I always blaming myself for being existing. I thought my family was normal. It wasn’t until i turned 15 when I had friends whom I would go visit and then I started seeing something completely different. My friends had normal parents. Before that, I thought a dysfunctional family was normal. I still suffer from anxiety to this day and self-esteem. My problems are a constant fear of getting too close to people, including friends. As I grew older I became more quiet. It’s effected my relationships and friendships to a point where I end up pushing people away. I like being alone where there’s complete silence and nothing can bother me. I think I came to this point due to growing up in my parents house and constantly hearing them scream at each other, doors slamming. My self-esteem problems are mostly from being ignored and neglected through out my early life. My parents whose were never involved with anything of my childhood despite us living in the same household. The cause of their arguments has always been about me, and still is to this day. My dad came home from work and fighting with my mom because of me, it became worse with age. I feel embarrassed or ashamed to even talk about this with my close friends. My family was of the type that everything happened behind closed doors and out in public. If I had friends come over, they became entirely different people in front of my friends. They could actually act right and tolerate each other when they had company- (why the hell can’t you be normal like that all the time?) For this reason, I never opened up and told my friends what happened in our house cause I feared they’d never believe me. It wasn’t until my early adult years, I finally opened up and started telling my friends what really going on at home but some of them told me that no matter what it is, they’re still my parents and they loves me but they don't seem to loves me nor even care about my feelings except for their own. I always want to get away from them and living my life without them. Sometimes when I opened up about it not because I want empathy nor attention but I just need someone who listen to me, listen to me without judging me. Don’t get me wrong I do appreciate my friends and understand that they’re just trying their best to comfort me.