What's wrong with me?

I don't really know what happens. I just feel sorry for everyone and sorry for myself. Every day seems heavy. feel like crying and tiring without doing anything. Feeling lost, no goal. I remember my friends told me to create one if you don't have any dreams. But how if I don't even know what do I love? I'm such an idiot. There's a lot of things running inside my head and I just want anybody to listen without judging me but everyone looks so busy. I'm just a troublemaker. Still, what's happened? what do I actually feel? I hate being like this. I'm lost.

Feeling bottled up?

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2025-08-14

Block

Why you keep block and unblock me? What did I do wrong? Or what did you do wrong? What you feel? What you think? Are you trying to show you have move on? So you unblock. Then the guilt build up because you know you have hurt me, broke our bond for no valid reason? You can’t face me because you know what you did? You keep showing that person off, you keep saying you felt heart to heart not just appearance. You keep saying they accept you for who you are but all that person do is remain silent. Seem like their love have change you or you are trying to change yourself for them? Does anything remind you of us? But you can’t make yourself turn around, you keep putting up with your ego. So you’re going to keep fooling yourself that they are better? That you are better with them? and just going to block again? Or this person is the one you truly been looking for? And what we had was nothing? Even after all this time I did nothing, keep praying all the best for you, never intrude you with all the new people you try to build with, stand and watch my seat being displaced, the person I love switching to someone else. Is the present of me that irritating that you have to keep cutting me off?

2025-08-14

Please stop crushing on me.

There is a guy who is crushing me. We met each other years ago and we never talk and get closed but I know he crushes on me by his actions to me virtually. Actually, I am very anti-social and quiet and it gets very weird and intimidating if I get into relationship with someone. I have been thinking about that guy frequently, and I want to stop thinking about him and I want him to stop crushing on me lol. I don't think I deserve someone though, maybe I don't really like myself. I have never been in relationship before and I want to be forever alone and single in this life. So if that guy confess to me directly one day, should I immediately reject him? I want to friend zone him at first and then keep him as as an older brother. I don't want to hurt him by rejecting him, but it is better to be honest with yourself first. He really deserves someone better than me. Hope that he forgets me completely as time passes.
2025-08-14

My aftermath

It’s been 4 months now. I had bread with condensed milk today and my tears drop at the last bite when I saw us. I saw the time you eat muffin in Uni every morning and think to myself I would never date the guy but then you appeared in class. I saw the time when you were mean to me just so we can get closer. I saw countless topics you would pick on me and we would fight on purpose. I saw the time when we went on the first trip, I would never get why anything you tried to relay, so that night with sounds of the sea under the stars I asked and there I got myself a confession that I never expect. I saw you driving me home in others car or would took trains with me so I can go home safe and we can see each other a little more. I saw us going to the beach at 2am. I saw the time we got frustrated just cuz we really want the “best” best for each other when we were stubborn at times. I saw the time when you only show the silliest side to me and not others. I saw the time when I was being dramatic on purpose so i can see you fight for me more cuz that’s lovely. I saw the time when I said harsh things just to see how much you can take. I saw the time when we went back to visit Bodia together for the first time and you would have a hard time being with my friends and how uncomfortable you look becuz you were guilty of hanging out everyday being with a girlfriend rather your family while you visits and you don’t even enjoy it. I saw the time when I stood you up outside my friends house becuz we fought and I was crying in the room endlessly just to hear my friend telling me you are outside waiting for me, of course I regret it days after. I saw the time when you danced off to rewards from your efforts. I saw the time when stayed together 24/7 which I loved and hated, more like love. I saw the time when touching your cheeks, your hair, annoying you is my favorite things in a day when the city is locked down. I saw the time when we had our last hug at the airport during Covid which I never thought would be the last. I saw the time you had your first job and i would bombarded you with questions every day about it. I saw myself crying over the fact that you tried so hard to not burden your family and actually be that “son”. I saw the time you tell me your weird dreams, the one straight outa movie and shockingly the one we shared on the same night. I saw the time you would get emotional when talking to your family which I always feel guilty for hurting you in a way after. I saw myself becoming distant gradually becuz of the distance after you started it. I saw myself adoring you in secret and act the other way round everyday. I saw myself bragging about you to my mom just so she can prepare for the man her daughter choose. I saw you stopped liking me but the love stays, you couldn’t get out of the relationship that suffocates you at all. I saw myself realizing how much you meant to me, and I realized it even more when we called it quit. Just how much I actaully love you. I never regret every seconds in the relationship we built. You will always be part of who me. Without you I would never know what true love is. I would never get to love someone as much as my life. I would never know what sacrifice feels like. I would never get to experience so much life. I would never be an adult I am today. I would still choose to fall for you all over and over again if we can go back in time. Thank you for the growth, the honesty, the man that you are and what we had. Its a real farewell yeah? Goodbye, tvt
2025-08-14

I AM NOT OKAY

I thought I’m healed but actually I’m still crying when you pop up in my head. I really miss you, I miss your voice and I miss our late night conversation so bad. I still remember how excited I am when I first met you and still having butterflies feeling when we met. Even we ain’t couple but I love telling you about how my day went but now I have no idea who to share my stories with. It’s crazy when all the things you do to me were so meaningful to me. But I give up now because I know you and her are still in relationship. I AM NOT OKAY.
2025-08-14

To KLK ~ From SCBM

We been together almost 2 years. Everything went well until you adjusted yourself to someone else that I don’t know. I hate me for being annoying to get your attention, to get your caring and love. I hate me that I always want to meet you. I hate me that I can’t let you go even tho you ask to leave more than 10 times and I still asking you to stay.

2025-08-14

From a precious memory to an awful memory

Hello guys so I've been hiding all the pain by myself for so long so today I just wanted to share it with u guys.so here's the story ... We both used to be best friends but then one day when my life was so fking down ( we both girls) and there she's coming into my dark place and cheer me up with her kind words. Yeah I appreciated those words a lot and it helped me a lot but u know it's true that the one makes u feel better will break u worse. I don't think it's true and never think my always fav human being could be this cruel to me. Since i've fallen in love with her.i cried almost every single day because she hurts me everytime we talked but I still come back to her because I love her so much to the point I can give my life to her. Everytime she hurts me I always disappear and come back act as nothing happened ( the feeling that u loved S1 like this coz u will always forgive that person until u reached ur limitations). This last time I've disappeared maybe around 1 months ( the longest and last time too) and then I'm back but don't be confused I never wanted to force her to love me or something just wanted us to be like before like the way she used to act very kind to me ( she's also my favourite friend even before she become my crush) but u know she never do that again. ( អាចថាយើងស្រលាញ់គេពេកហើយឲ្យគេដឹងចិត្ត ចឹងហើយគេនិយាយអីធ្វើអីមិនដែលគិតចិត្តយើងទេ) and my text just be like" u look so okay without me but I'm not" but lol she looks so mad and sent me the texts that I have never received the rest of my life. And those text just cut off all my feelings from her. Guess what's it? Lol she said that I'm not her type because her type is beautiful, perfect sth like that which makes me doubt myself am I that bad in her eyes? Huh and she even said that even she makes the choice among all the person she won't choose me. Lol that's funny. Hold on girl! If those words received by those who have anxiety, depression or didn't love themselves enough. They're probably killed themselves already 😃 but that's not me because I love myself enough and I know I'm pretty enough in my own way for myself and I'm more than enough and also a lot of things she didn't know about me. So here's just few more things I wanted to tell u guys. 1. If u wanted to reject someone just find a good way to do that. Put yourself in someone's shoes. ( Be a good memory to people.dont be a toxic or an awful memory to them because what u said might be haunted them for the rest of their lives) 2. Dear all my beloved people out there please don't doubt your own worthy just because someone treated you like shit. They don't deserve your and please love yourself more. You don't need to prove that you're enough but keep improving yourself just for yourself. 3. I don't know if this reach to u or not but I just wanna tell u now you're just nothing to be and a toxic person that I used to know so if we happened to meet each other or something please គេចពីខ្ញុំទៅព្រោះសូម្បីស្រមោលអ្នកឯងខ្ញុំមិនចង់ឃើញផង។ no hate but I wish u would disappear from my life.🤭 One more thing u the only person among all my ex and crushes that I regret to love .( ស្តាយទឹកចិត្តមើលមនុស្សខុស។ កុំភ្លេចដំបូងខ្ញុំចូលចិត្តអ្នកព្រោះអ្នកមានទឹកចិត្តល្អ មិនមែនពិសពុលដូចពេលនេះទេ)
2025-08-14

Did you know, ~N?

It's been 6 months since we last hung out and shared our daily life activities together. You always ask me how am I doing so far every time u texted me to see if I was doing alright. My answer giving to you always show the positive image acting like I'm doing alright. But in reality, I wasn't and I tortured myself to not think about u. Did u know that during this period of time, I forced myself to drink every time I thought about u even though I hate getting drunk? Maybe u didn't because we no longer talked to each other the same way we used to. Our conversation became dry and plain. Did you know that sometimes u popped up in my dream? I wish I could forget that in the next morning but u know me so well that I usually remember what I dreamt during the night and especially when you were in it. Did u know that I wanted to hold ur face one last time before we split and walked on our way? No, u didn't because u told me not to have a hard feeling between us and it hurt me so much. Fortunately, in mid-September, I dreamt about you and it was the dream I never forget. I saw YOU, standing in the middle of the crowd. I walked up to you with tears in my eyes. I literally could feel it - the tears and desperation to see u very very much. And I could finally touch ur face one last time with the word 'I miss you and goodbye'. I wish I could forget you but it seems like I can't. Did you know...?
2025-08-14

Karma?

តើនេះជាកម្មមែនទេ? មានអ្នកតាមស្រឡាញ់តែមិនព្រមស្នេហ៍ ខ្លួនវិញតាមគេដូចឆ្កែ តែគេទុកដូចសំរាម 🤡