Being ghosted

I used to be mad. I used to look back and wonder where I went wrong, and took all the blame. I wondered why would you ghost me like I never mattered. One day our friendship was flourishing–filled with laughter and late-night text messages and venting–the next, it was gone. I used to wished that our long/ funny conversation will come back. It hurts to know that we used to be so close, and now it’s like I don’t know you at all. I feel as though you don’t want me anymore. What do we all talk about, do we talk about past things to catch up on, or do we just act like no time has passed?. We’re not as close as we were before. There are days when I am so happy and that the person I want to talk to you is you. I want to tell you every detail, the entire story, and I want you to listen. There are other days where that high isn’t there when I feel low, and I just want you there to listen or to talk about anything else. Those days are when I miss you the most.There are some secrets that I could never tell another person, but I can easily tell you. Some days I wonder if we will ever be that kind of friends again. Sure, I look back and still smile on the times that we have had, the moments we had shared, the jokes, the laughter that filled our friendship. I have no idea how you feel about our friendship right now. But I am here, in case you make that step back. I am also here, wishing nothing but the best for you: laughter, that all your dreams come true, and all the happiness in the world. I’d like to let you know that our friendship meant everything to me. Thank you for the good memories that you leave behind. I hope wherever you are, you’re happy with yourself. I hope you have found peace with your problems–the people who had hurt you in the past. I hope you finally find something you love and let it consume you. I hope you find a guy who truly treats you the way you deserve.

Feeling bottled up?

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a message in the bottle, hope it gets to you.

Hi, we haven’t talked for awhile. You’ve been moving on with your new life while I am still stuck in the same place. The same place that used to have you here. You haven’t told me yet but I heard that it’s nearly your engagement day. Hope you’re doing well. I am indeed still care but it’s not my place to take care of you anymore. I had said “i love you” many times for the past months just in case you know...it would change your mind. From “the one” you told that no one will ever replace her place;

Kherng jit xD

When he likes u but not the like enough to make u his gf 🥴

Should’ve known earlier

I thought I was special. Maybe not to anyone but to you in specifically and yet she was the one that you always have and going to choose. I have nothing to complain tho but it still strings me ‘til these days.

Empty Bin

I think I’ve built a very convenient Persona for myself to get by this world. Everywhere I go, Every group of people, or everyone that I met, I know what they see me but not in me, they find I’m a very polite, friendly, good manner person. I know this, because that is all my persona shows them. But their instincts would tell them to be care to approach me with their good intentions, maybe it’s a friendship or love. Their instincts would tell them, I’m not just they see, there are something more beneath that. And it’s right, I’m hiding myself under this forged amour because I can’t be who I actually want to be. How I was treat from a very young age had traumatized me to be myself. I’ve lived my life forged with lies that I tell myself, that now it makes me terrified to unfold the truth. Now at the end of everyday, I feel so empty, like an empty void that can’t never be filled. I named this “empty bin”, because that’s just how I am, loud but empty. I’m tired of this life. Even though I know life is pain and suffering, but how I still couldn’t get used to if? And it’s even more tragic if you live a life with full of self-deception. lately, all I could think of is, how to die and leave no pain to everyone around me. “How should this empty bin should leave?…”

Genuine love but nature separation

So, a few months ago, my girlfriend's granddad passed away. And now, her grandma, who's getting up there in age, has been losing her short term memory. It's really sad because she's still torn up about losing her husband of 60 years. What makes everything even worse is that every morning when she wakes up, she forgets that he's gone. She makes him breakfast and brings it to his study, but he's not there. So, she ends up wandering around the whole house, going from room to room looking for him. Eventually, she calls up one of her kids to ask where he is, and they have to tell her what happened all over again. And then she cries for the rest of the day like it just happened.

it breaks my fucking heart...

it breaks my heart when it looked to me as if everything was going very well between us but then you turned on me. You stopped giving back the same energy, i no longer see the effort from you. It breaks me to pieces when the you i used to know began treating me like shit then you try to explain yourself through your millions of excuses.

Old notes

I felt inspired by watching the rain through my bedroom’s window with my light off. What if the rain were just like us human when crying? Those droplets were just like our tears. Those rumbled thunder was just like us yelling out for help, and those lighting strikes were like us trying to hurt ourselves. It would be unfair if so. Instead of having friends staying besides to comfort like human, the rain doesn’t. Even worse, people would just run away as fast as they can just to avoid it; they get scared, cover their ears even eyes, and curse when they see or hear it thundering. I am one of them too. I get scared and cover my ears when hearing ones. But now, by sitting in my room and considering it, I feel sorry for it. Imagine having no one to turn to or understand you when you need them, and that’s how the sky feels right now. It has been hiding its pain for so long that it couldn’t hold it back anymore, so it had to let it out by pouring rain on us, hopelessly crying and asking for help. That’s why I sit here in my room looking at you and admire you from afar without you noticing or even knowing that I exist. You are doing a great job. Yes! Let it all out; however, I can’t assure you that there won’t be any day like this again, but one step at a time. Remember all those days that the sun was burning all of the creatures on earth while you were their savior? You gave us rain, shades, and good days to us. We are grateful for that. You know what? Without you raining (crying and getting things out of your chest), the presence of rainbow means nothing at all. Therefore, look at those good things you have done for us to keep you going. #sciencefailed

Is it important that I worth something?

hey there, life has been so much going on right now. The life itself is going downhill to the hell or maybe I misinterpret that. I have been feeling lonely and unimportant after some hardships, breakup, lots of work, study and many more when they all come to my face at the same time. Probably I am stressed out or burnout that makes me feel like that way. Nevertheless, I feel like I am such a useless person, where everyone starts to blame me for everything even the little mistakes I made. I feel so little and just wanna go away from it. Saying those words make me such a self pity person. As day by day, i feel myself just like a smaller and smaller person and feel like s**t somehow. People say you gotta love yourself and have fun all by yourself, but when it comes to everything not going well as expected and everyone starts blaming me for little things, I just…. any advices?