I love you

I don't think you lied when you said " I love you " You meant it, but the love is not strong enough. Not strong enough to care about me; not strong enough to ever afraid of losing me; not strong enough to change for me; not strong enough to ask me to stay. And you let me go. I should have asked you when you said you love me. How much is the love...? 'cause now I'm suffering in the consequences of loving you too hard alone... I don't regret meeting you... But sometimes I wish I should have turned away the first time I met you... I wish I didn't choose to trust you. I wish I hadn't let myself fall for you. I wish.

Feeling bottled up?

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2025-08-14

Where I stand

Day by day, I started to know where I stand in everyone’s life. I’m that friend who is there when they need something. I’m that daughter who is responsible for every big and little things inside and outside the household. I’m that granddaughter who is just a female. I’m that sister who doesn’t deserve the respect. I’m that niece who got compared with the cousins’ parents and got hated by my own cousins. I’m that girlfriend who loves too much and also being a little too much that sometimes it suffocates him. Every eyes and words that look and say to me, make me feel small worthless. Whenever i try to explain what happen and both me, I got shouted back, not listening to me, first they comfort and still act the same. It’s hard coming home everyday and get the cold look from everyone and no one in the house actually talking to you. I have to repeat myself over 3 times to get the answer or someone attention. The only time I get someone to care enough for my well-being or existence is when I commit suicide.

2025-08-14

#URMYPGB

Idk where to start so, 2018 the new term start and i got to meet her. She changed into my class with her friends. Her group and mine are two different world from eachother. Actually ik her even before she got to know me. We started studying in the same class, and extra classes. I really like her and i really wanna get to know her more. One day i reply her Instagram story and we got to talk. Later on, she replied my story, and here the our conversation started. We've been texting in Instagram for like about a year. We sometimes flex to messenger. I always asked her to send me lesson as an excuse to talk to her. At that time, those conversations were just normal but i was damn happy because i like her so... Her group and mine are still not boning together idk why but prolly idk lol. We were such a good talker in chat but in person lol awkward affff So 2020, COVID. We were still texting intelegram, messenger and Instagram. She always sent me her fav songs, what she watched on YouTube, forward me food or place or meme content from Facebook to messenger, and also send me video and meme, sth cute on Instagram. I did the same too. Ik you prolly can't feel the feeling from reading this but ... Sorry I'm not so good at expressing So here let me continue Idk but tbh covid got us both close to eachother. We talked everyday, she texted me just to tell it time for extra classes, or else send me food. She sometimes went out and when she's back, she always told me about her day tho i don't ask. Tbh i confused. I myself i know i like her, i mean i have feelings for her but what about her? She did like we're sth. Idk how to explain it all here but later on when 2020 about to end, we don't talk anymore, she just went silent on me and i have no clue what to do till now. My friends all know i like her, they also said they bet her group also know about this but no one dares to say. One of my friends said, I'm too obvious whenever it comes to her, she prolly knows but pretend like she doesn't. Hmm but it doesn't matter anymore. Right now i only wish she and i can still be friends. The thing is i only got to see her like 3 to 4 times in this 2021. And the last 2 times, she didn't even talk to me or even look at me. Heartaches lol. I was there like...? You didn't see me? Or what? She has changed... I mean she's not that excited to see me like before. Before whenever she saw me she always comes to me amd hit me as a greeting hut now lol, even my face she didn't even look at. You might wonder what happened between us. Seriously i have no answer cuz I don't even know what's wrong, she just gone silent and ... You won't see this anyway so imma just write it here

2025-08-14

Being with ppl pleaser is tiring

We broken up alr but we promised to still support one another when in need (mentally and physically). When I was down and feel like I need support from u the most, u never there. I’m trying to contact u, ur phone is always busy, I message u, u don’t reply, I’m desperately waiting u at school, u’re sneakingly left without me knowing and go for drinking with ur “team”. Bold of me to assumed that u changed. One of the big reason why I decided to walk away is b’cuz it’s consuming so much of my energy. I’m tired of being left alone, I’m tired of being ur second choice, I’m tired of one side communication, I’m tired of not being heard and understood, I’m tired of not feeling validated. I never feel loved, I feel miserable being with u. Whenever I feel like I’m in confusion with my feelings whether my decision was right or wrong, u always prove me that I should never go back to u, because u always make me feel like shit. It’s torturing being like this. I don’t hate u and I don’t think I will, but u always disappoint me in every way possible.

2025-08-14

Those days

One day, we were mentally and physically inseparable, and today, you are trying to avoid me. All the good days we spent together, I hope you still remember those days like I do. The days we shared our personal feelings and daily lives’ activities. I hope those days wouldn’t be forgotten in just a short period of time. If I were to be granted one wish, I wish those days happened once again. Even though what comes after hurt both of us and could potentially hurt people we are with, those days were the best days I could ever ask for.

2025-08-14

I think it hits me again…

I think the dep hits me again. I noticed by when my heartbeat started to go fast, sometimes I feel suffocated, I couldn’t catch my breath, I couldn’t concentrate, my hands get shaky, my body feel weak, I got lost of interest in making any decisions, my weight started to lost again. I hate to fall into the conditions but I couldn’t help. I tried asking for help but it doesn’t work, it only makes me feel like I’m different, especially when they try to be too careful with me (it looks to fake, I could see it) It is amazing how my mood changes too quickly, I was just laughing and talking a lot yesterday, but today everything become a sorrow story again. I used to think of getting a therapist, asking an expert on my conditions, but the fact that I was under control by my family and that I couldn’t ride or drive any transportation method at all, make me feel even more bad and useless. I also used to think about reaching them via email or phone calls, but I was too scared, it was too hard for me to make myself do it, so I decided I gave up seeking for mental specialist. I chose to be healed by my own. (I really did heal myself but there was a lot of time the demon hits me back and forth, sometimes I feel really happy and the next minutes I feel like k*lling myself) I don’t know what else should I do. Are there anyone who will be the light for me?

2025-08-14

The saddest thing …

The saddest thing in the world is loving someone who used to love you :)))

2025-08-14

Advices to all heartbroken people

One important thing to remember when experiencing heartbreak is that it is okay to feel sad and to grieve the loss of the relationship. It is important to take the time to process what has happened and to allow yourself to feel the emotions that come with it. It can also be helpful to talk to friends or family members who are supportive and who can offer a listening ear. While heartbreak can be a difficult experience, it can also be an opportunity for growth and self-reflection. It is a chance to learn from past mistakes and to figure out what you want and need in a future relationship. It is important to take care of yourself during this time, to focus on your own needs, and to remember that healing takes time. Heartbreak is a sad reality of relationships, but it is something that many people experience at some point in their lives. It is important to remember that it is okay to feel sad and to take the time to heal. With time, self-reflection, and self-care, it is possible to move forward and to find happiness again.
2025-08-14

Bacll

Anyone want study buddy?