The friendship I valued the most..

To the friend I used to valued... Months ago, I had a female fiend who I talked to daily, I kept listen to her rant day to day, support her during her bad time. It is not that I had feeling for her or something. I just valued our friendship. Being friend is meant to valued each other, aint it? Then one day, she told me that she got into a relationship. I congratulated her and keep texting her as we used to. Then she barely reply to my text. It is not that I got jealous or something. But the friend who you trusted, you supported most, valued the most, turned their back after got into relationship as if you meant nothing to them. Was I been used? Was I have done something wrong? Is it mean they don't want you anymore? Or is it mean you are out of their used? I don't know. After that, I decided to silently walk out of her life. Knowing that my effort has no meaning to them.(what's suck most, is she never asked or notice my absence) I still hope you have a great life, live happily. From the person who out of your used.

Feeling bottled up?

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Does she feel the same way like I did?

I might say that this was a love at first sight for me since I first saw her I fell in love with her eyes and everything about her. Staying and chatting with her feel so right. Is it just me feeling this way about her? I would skip everything just to wait for her although we have only a little time to spend with each other. I am not so sure about myself if I could be a good or the right one for her, but I would still love to stay by her side and do everything just to make her happy. I was actually telling her how I feel by putting it into jokes. was it a good idea to do it? To be honest, this time I wanna ask her to be my GF, but I couldn't do it. I have no courage to do so. Why? because I'm scared of getting rejected that she might not feel the same way like I did.

I’m dying inside

Generally, I’m a happy person. I laugh a lot, I smile a lot. My friends called me “យាយប្រិមប្រិយ”. It's hard to see me without a smile on my face. Everyone thinks that I don't have any problems in my life, since I always laugh and smiling in every pictures that we captured. Deep down I’m slowly dying day by day. I literally cannot find any form of joy in my life. I feel like I can't show my real feelings; I feel like I have to keep smiling and i feels really guilty if I tell them about that because it’ll ruin their day. I’m jealous to those who brave enough to talk about it especially admit that they’ve suicidal thoughts. Smiling and laughing has become a reflex for me and it’s easier for me rather than tell them what’s going on. I no longer “ME” for a long time ago but nobody noticed it. I feel like someone is clawing away at me on the inside. I feel so empty. I don't know what to do.

Living a quiet life in a loud world

I think the older I get, the more comfortable I’m getting with me being on my own. Most of the time I spend time with the same people. It’s not like I don’t like getting to know new people, at all actually, but I think I just don’t want people to be disappointed once they really get to know me, because I think to most people, my life would look pretty boring to be honest.

Old notes#2

Number 11 becomes my fav cos it’s the time I keep checking if you’re still awake like I am, if you are thinking of me like I am; it shows that I still care for you even before or after that 11 number, or maybe it’s just an excuse that I make to lie to myself that only when the short and long hand of the clock point to 11 is the time I think about you, when actually I’m thinking about you every hour which I can barely say the word hour cos every second seems so long let alone an hour, when actually I’m waiting for the time to arrive at 11 again so that I can lie to myself again that I only think of you at this 11:11. #lovefailed

It’s okay…

It's okay for you to miss the person who hurt you, but it's not okay for you to let that person hurt you again. It's okay for you to talk to the person who doesn't deserve you, but it's not okay for you to give that person another chance. It's okay for you to think about the person who lied to you, but it's not okay for you to believe that person can be trusted. It's okay for you to be friends with the person who played you, but it's not okay for you to hope that this person is capable of being loyal. It's okay for you to be there for the person who made you more miserable than happy, but it's not okay for you to expect that it's gonna be different if nothing ever changed. It's okay for you to still care about the person who took you for granted, but it's not okay for you to put yourself back in a position for that person to make you feel unappreciated. Don't let someone who did you wrong make you feel like there's something wrong with you. Don't devalue yourself just because someone didn't know your value. Know your worth even when that person doesn't.

Just a side person like a side dish

So, get this, I totally fell for this guy. And to try and get closer to him, we became BFFs. And man, did I fall harder and harder for him. We did everything together — hit up bars, and he even taught me how to balance my meals with other stuff like changing my car oil, fixing my sink, and changing light bulbs. And I also introduced him to some sweet books, movies, and music. Then, I had to watch him go and marry the girl of his dreams. And guess what? It wasn't me.

❤️‍🔥“B” - T

I think you don’t even know that “B” is the nickname I put for you, it’s like 3 in 1 “Babe, Bong and your name”. Now you’re just “Bong” like everyone else, you’re not my “B” anymore. You know I actually notice how you started to lose interest. I’m a person who always stay quiet so when I see that you act like that I started to detach myself but still it hurts, it hurts so bad when you finally decided to ask me for a breakup. I prepared for it for months but when it really happened, I still can’t quite grasp the situation. Honestly, I’m so jealous of other couples they share with each other everything while you.. you’re so closed off. Whenever I ask about sth you always divert the topic or just ignore the questions. FYI, when I asked i alr know the answer. (“FBI friends” I have them too 🤷🏻‍♀️) I act like I didn’t notice tho cus I hate arguing. Well, whatever I hope you’re happy. And I hope you’d at least give your next girl the bare minimum. Please treat her well. Don’t let her beg for your time and attention like I had to do. React on her posts, post her, take her out, you know the simple little gestures. From: T 🥰

As if what I've ever done never enough for anyone

It's 12 a.m., I'm staring at the lamp right above my bed, trying to think of a reason why i never receive back the same effort i put on anyone. I've been in a relationship many times, and never in one of these have i ever feel like I'm receiving love from my significant other. I'm either abandoned, ghosted, or being taking for granted. There are lots of things in my chest that i just want to scream it all out right now, but i couldn't. I really wish my current relationship would last, but it seems like I'm being ignore more and more from one day to another. I'm really tired, I just don't understand why you treated me this way after I've give you everything I can. To my gf, I really hope you're not the "good boy ain't fun" type of girl, because I'm almost fed up right now. So done that one day i would walk away and never wish to ever see you again. Please, be good to me. I deserved to love too.