Imposter Syndrome

I feel that every single day and I hate it. I hate myself for having that feeling when I'm supposed to feel so grateful for whatever I have right now. People around me are all so successful and smart and everything and I look like a clown by existing everyday. I freaking hate it.

Feeling bottled up?

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Unclear Relationship.

I was interested in him. I found his Instagram and I just clicked follow ‘cause I wanted to stalk him. Once, he had reacted on my story, then he replied to my story. We started talking to each other since that day. We’ve met 4times in person. We have a good connection. We keep contacting, checking up and talking to each other almost every day and night. We become more closer and closer. We’ve been knowing each other for 7months and we decided to go on date. We have a road trip. We created so many good memories together. There’s nothing between us. But when we were together, our action is more than a couple. I fall for him since the day we dated. But I keep it in mind ‘cause I’m not sure if he feel the same. I just play along day by day. One day, I decided to make the first move, I express all my feeling to him. I confessed to him. But… sadly, I got reject. So I choose to walk out and move on. BUT! He didn’t let me go! That’s the point!! He once said that we can’t be in a relationship. Also, we can’t end up. He tryna fix it. I muted and ignored all his social media but he keep contacting me everyday. Until today, he still ghosting me. I don’t really know what kind of relationship is this. I just wanna walk out and move on with peace. I don’t wanna waste each other time. I’m so tired of staying in this kind of situation. In the end, we’re not friend. Not a couple. We both just a stranger that used to have good memories. But please, let me go…

Bullied? Anxiety? - T

I used to be considered as “ugly” (got bullied for being overweight, etc. even adults used to do that to me :D ) that really destroyed my self esteem. Although, I lost weight and take care of myself and is considered as pretty now but still the permanent mental damages are there. I had developed eating disorder, social anxiety, etc. I fake being confident but the anxiety, the trembling, and panic attack always happened. And because of that anxiety that fear of being judged I think a huge misunderstanding was made. Sometimes I really wish I could just communicate better instead of always being quiet. :)

3:23am

Maybe I don’t love them, maybe the feeling of being in relationship is just something that I want to do to fill my void. I go for one after another and it seems like the cycle repeats. They love me, I love them back, I got cheated, I tried to find another one to move on, got heart broken, and move on to another. At this point, I don’t even know if I’m searching for love or just processing the trauma.

😔

why is it too hard to be myself?

Emotionally neglected kid.

My parents’ marriage was a train wreck. They were unsuited to one another, married for the wrong reasons, and stayed married for the wrong reasons. It did us kids a world of damage from which we will never completely recover. It also taught us some important lessons, largely about what NOT to do! I loose my belief in relationships. They taught me everything about what a marriage shouldn't be like. my parents fight all the time, and they never hide from me. As long as I can remember, they fight about everything, when one of them know he/her is wrong but didn’t care to admit it and the only best thing they have as a couple is that neither of them never cheat on each other or even alcoholic. When I need to take major life decisions, it always gets confusing because of how both of them have different views of things. And they don't communicate so I find myself stuck. As a mother, my mother is a good one. And my dad is a good dad too. But together they are far from the ideal couple. Have you ever heard of “គូកម្ម” ?

i'd call him "my dream"

Hii there Thya!!! Idk if u ever noticed me but, here I am, confessing sth that's been on my mind recently and i'm afraid to tell u. Because i know you dont have any feeling towards me more than just a facebook's friend. I keep reacting on your post everyday hoping you would notice me even i know you already like someone else. ;(( some people called someone they like as a "crush" but i called you "my dream" because i know you and i will never ever be together... u're like the moon... too high to reached and there're many stars beside u... too shy to say but i hope u'll say u like me too. 🥺 it's hard seeing you share about u liking other girl thats not me, but as long as u're happy, i'll always be happy for you. <33 *sending love... *From a girl u'll never notice🥺

Him, her and I

Just as close as a family she said... So us having something secretive behind the group is considered a betrayal. Him being uncomfortable talking about it and is still unsure about me, her pushing me to tell everyone as soon as possible, so we can discuss about it with the group because what me and him are doing is considered to be more than sinful. Following her, will lose me him. Following him, will lose me her. Leave it as it is and we will all lose each other. And me being in the middle of it, makes it easier for me to blame it all on myself when I can't even fully understand what it's turning into. I love them so much, I love everyone so much. But can I just have a bit more time, "Her"? And can you give us a chance to try it in a different way , "him"? I know I'm so "immature" to you guys but trust me a little, will you? Because I'm so close to end me for the sake of everyone.

I AM NOT OKAY

I thought I’m healed but actually I’m still crying when you pop up in my head. I really miss you, I miss your voice and I miss our late night conversation so bad. I still remember how excited I am when I first met you and still having butterflies feeling when we met. Even we ain’t couple but I love telling you about how my day went but now I have no idea who to share my stories with. It’s crazy when all the things you do to me were so meaningful to me. But I give up now because I know you and her are still in relationship. I AM NOT OKAY.