My Bullshit

I'm sorry that you have to deal with my bullshit. I didn't realize I have a lot of bullshit. I'm not that type of person, I swear. You raised your voice saying “ I'm dealing with your bullshit everyday, dealing with your bullshit is tiring. I thought you were not that type of person.”. I'm sorry, I was just telling you how my day was like how you always tell me about yours. I didn't mean to rant on you or maybe I sounded like one and if so, I thought you would listen to me and comfort me like other couples do but it's okay as long as you still love me, I don't mind. I was blinded by the illusion of you that I created in my mind.

Feeling bottled up?

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2025-08-14

A happy ending

Everywhere, everyone out there is busy finding their “the one”. It’s funny how instead of finding ‘’the one”, why don’t people actually try to find themselves instead? Well, what can I say cause love is blind right? and I once been blinded by it too. “Two teenagers meet, fell in love and they live happily ever after” is probably would be a tale that you would usually hear or see in movie but these kind of stuffs does not really exist in real life, in my opinion. Our story began when we both were in dark places. Starting off, to me, you were just nothing more than an acquaintance. After some time getting to know you, every time we talked, I started noticing that you were trying to keep the conversation going, that you were trying to get close to me and you would eager to know, to learn more about me and ask about the things I like. I, on the other hand, knew from the beginning and told myself that I wouldn’t let you get in my head because I get attached easily and it’s a way to protect myself. But instead of putting label between us, I keep opening up and letting you in even though I know I was gonna get hurt later on. We grew a lot closer over time and you would help me with literally anything I’ve asked you to, you would ask how my day was, whether I’ve eaten, you would cheer me up when I’m down, you would send me stuffs and said that it remind me of you, you would open up with me and rant to me about whatever things that are on your mind which you were too afraid to speak to the world about, you would told me about your goals and dreams. Not long after that, we were each other’s safe space and talking to you were my happy hours. Little did I knew, I started to like you and I would get this stupid butterflies every time you complimented me. But people change once they meet someone new or they just change as time passed by right? Yes, after some times, I started to get bored of you and I knew you kinda did too. We eventually stopped talking to one another and of course my pride is high and I wouldn’t text you first cause I don’t want to sound desperate. During the time we stopped talking, at first, I overthought everything, did I do sth wrong? did you not want to talk to me cause you need space or you get tired of me? Will we talk again soon? Am I that easy to replace? It drained my energy mentally and I was going insane but after giving it some thoughts, I stopped questioning the situation and just let it be. I later found out the “things” you did and realized that you were just taking me for granted just to pass your time. Naive of me to thought that you were not a red flag cause after all, you became all the things that you told me you wouldn’t be. So, of course, I decided to gave up cause if not, I’ll only end up destroying myself even more. Moving on is a really hard process for me but luckily, I have my amazing best friends by my side and they lift me up from my sorrow during this hard time.To sum up, I wouldn’t say meeting you is a nice accident or a bad one either but it’s more like an ending to a new beginning of finding and learning more about myself and giving the love that I need without having to depend it on anyone and a lesson to protect my heart better next time. I feel like writing this all down allows me to finally close the chapter and buried this petty love story here as I decided I don’t want to be stuck on the past anymore and to move on with my life so guess this is where our memories parted. It might be a long process to be better but im getting better bit by bit, day by day. Cheer to a happy ending of finally finding my own self<3

2025-08-14

IT'S A MATCH!

IT'S A MATCH! Things escalated and we were now getting to know each other on our personal socials. I am a person who wasn't really looking forward to other people's messages before. With her, things were different.. She would often send me posts related to cute things that couple do. It was so cute, I swear. I was really looking forward to our first date together. At other times, she would send me posts about insecurity, loneliness.. etc She mentioned she was insecure and have a fear of her loved ones leaving her. It makes me want to care for her, shelter her.. It felt like I began to really fall for her, as I was really excited whenever we talk or text. A few weeks has passed since our first encounter, her replies started to take a longer time than usual. I was curious as she said she is done with Tinder in one of our calls before. So I went back on the app with an anonymous profile this time.. and to my surprise, I managed to match with her again. There she is, with her cute,flirty replies.. I felt a little jealous.. It felt like we had chemistry, but you started to drift slowly apart from me. Things were really going south for us. I questioned your late responses and you replied with having no time for a relationship. I guess, that's a fair answer. All the best from me, kon kmeng. #K

2025-08-14

I slept with my ex boss

On the bed, there were my friend, my ex boss and I. They were kinda drunk and I’m kinda tipsy. We sleep on one bed. He went to the toilet then I kinda wake up as I’m the light sleeper but I can’t wake up cuz the of many shots tequila. He came back to the bed hugging me and laying his hands on my body. Then he started to move his hand and slowly touch me (my hands and my shoulder only). His whole left arm was my boobs while holding my hands so I hold his arm and and place his hand on boobs (he got big hands and I’m fucking weak for that). Not long after that, we got into cuddling position. He put his chin on my shoulder and softly touch my other shoulder then move to my collar bone then my neck. I was uncomfortable as my friend is on right side and he’s on left side and I can’t move but I decided to move and turn my back to him but I still hold his hand and stick to my boobs (I swear I don’t love him, I just like it when something is on my boobs when I sleep). He moved his arm slowly while laying it on me (we still in the cuddling position but this time is spooning). His face behind my back, he keeps moving his face that has newly grow mustache on my flesh. It felt good, really. Then suddenly he let go of me and went back to normal sleeping position (I was like oh shit, why but I think nvm I’ll go back to sleep). A few minutes later he came back, his leg on my body, his arm on my boobs and went back to cuddling position again. He hugged me from behind, his face next to me. (There’s more but I can’t finish it cuz I’m sleepy asf now)

2025-08-14

The truth is

The truth? I like you. A lot. More than I’ve like anyone for a long time. And to be honest , it kinda scares me. I don’t want to screw up what we have. Whatever it is and i’ve fallen pretty damn hard for you. I just hope whatever happens we don’t ruin what we had before and now. The truth? I love you.

2025-08-14

I’ve never fallen in love

Dating suppose to be people being in love with each other but for me it’s different, i’ve been in multiple relationships and its always just them giving and showing me love and affection while i’ve never actually fallen in love with them. Doesn’t mean that i don’t love them, i do but i don’t feel the spark or the exciting feeling when i’m with them. And i never get jealous maybe it’s because i’m not in love with them that’s why i never feel jealous over anything.

2025-08-14

❤️‍🔥 V&V

When the relationship was new and your partner alr said “if yerng ot trov knea kit Mex” instead of mean rerng ey should communicate and solve the problems. Saw many red flags since the start but I just went with the flow now it’s really hurtful. Shouldn’t have played with fire :)

2025-08-14

Ignoring is suck

If ignore me make you happy then do it😊 I just hope that you’re happy even without me. I will stand behind you no matter what.

2025-08-14

To the girl I once rejected

Nothing was wrong with you, I swear. The one who was problematic is me, myself. As soon as I sensed that you have developed feeling for me, I tried to warn you not to fall for me several time. At that time, I was suffered from my ex-crush who got in a relationship with another man. (I loved my crush so much back then). To be honest, I didn't want you to get caught up in my pain. The one who should suffer from that burden is nobody but myself. I even told you my story (you are the only one I ever told my story) and told you not to fall for me. I knew even if I got in that relationship I won't commit completely and even if I asked you to wait, it would way too unfair for you. However, I know you are someone who love hard and you shouldn't waste time with me and you deserve something better. Back then, I took a harsh decision, I blocked you out of blue so that you would hate me and forget me (and yes, it worked). I knew that you would suffer from that, but I guess it is better to suffer in short terms rather than living in pain everyday right? It is completely ok to hate me, to blame me, it is reasonable and logical. After that incident, I avoid making friend with girl as much as possible, I don't want to commit the same mistake again and again. Recently, I did sneak check on you and I found out you are in a new relationship and you both seems so happy. That is the outcome I expected. Seeing you in your current state, I knew I took the right decision after all. You are someone who should live a happy life because it is all you deserve. Nobody should experience the same pain as I did. I will remember that I was once loved. I don't hold any grudge against you. I do respect and appreciate you from the bottom of my heart. I wish you all the best.