Subtly losing her

I can’t do it anymore. I have to admit it. I can never get her out of my heart. I’ve tried and tried and the harder I try to, the bigger hold I discover in my heart. She has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to and there has been countless of times that I wanted to. It has been overwhelming, drowning, suffocating and even deadly painful at times but I could not stop loving her anymore than I could stop breathing. I am hopelessly, irretrievably, subconsciously in love with her. More than she and I would know. I start losing her subtly, but the pain I feel is enormous. I can’t lose her. I really can’t.

Feeling bottled up?

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My Bullshit

I'm sorry that you have to deal with my bullshit. I didn't realize I have a lot of bullshit. I'm not that type of person, I swear. You raised your voice saying “ I'm dealing with your bullshit everyday, dealing with your bullshit is tiring. I thought you were not that type of person.”. I'm sorry, I was just telling you how my day was like how you always tell me about yours. I didn't mean to rant on you or maybe I sounded like one and if so, I thought you would listen to me and comfort me like other couples do but it's okay as long as you still love me, I don't mind. I was blinded by the illusion of you that I created in my mind.

No title like your heart no longer has me

Again, I’m not the one who likes to express my feelings towards anyone especially in an anonymous platform like this. But yeah sometimes it feels release when I speak it out and it would make me feel a bit better. Let get into the point of my mess up love story. I would say that it’s okay to fell in love with someone who never say yessssss to you yet still stay in between to block your heart. Have you ever asked yourself why you choose to stay in that uncertain relationship? Even you know the consequence that they just want you for a short period when they’re bored. Sometimes I lie to myself that one day she would appreciate what I have done to her and we can be together as a couple. And sometimes I feel that I should not go deep and beg her for attention everyday cuz we’re just friend. It’s a bit unfair for me that every crushes that I have met are always do almost the same way to hurt me. Is it because I’m so soft? easy-going? But I don’t mind at all. I only have one reason that once I love someone I always try my best to show how much I love I care and I wish that they would love me back the same way. But nope, it just doesn’t work for my love life. To the girl who I’m currently fell in love with, I don’t mind that you are lost interest with me and start to put red flag 🚩 between us. But please bear in mind that even though, I still have feeling for you and I hope that you would appreciate my efforts these past months that we’ve been contact with each other. You’re the sweetest crush for me🙂

Wealth or love?

I can say that i’m a girl who comes from one of the most honorable family. i have everything but love...? All i want is a man who loves me as who i am and not take me for granted, not take me for advantage especially not loving me for my money? All the boys that came into my life only saw my status, they thought it was cool to have me as an ex. And for those who have a crush on me, always say “ you’re like a moon and i’m just a rabbit” why cant you see me as a normal person? We’re all equal? I just want a love that lasts, i just want a good man to stick by my side through thick and thin, forget about the status and wealth. I’ve always been unlucky in love and friendship. I just want a pure bond, i never see myself above everyone, and i’m willing to take down my wealth if it’s a wall that part us.

What am I to you?

I've been trying so hard these few months to win your heart but I feel so tired now. Someday you make me feel like you wanted me and another day u act like I'm nothing to you. Yeah I've changed a lot for you. From a girl who easily get mad to be a calm one because you never give a fu*ck about my feelings. You never care if I'm okay or not. What u said to me always so mean and I used to cry every night about that but still choose to forgive and text to you first in the next morning. You said you don't want to lose me but why I see no efforts at all to me ?. I don't mind to be just friend to you as long as you care about me but you seem not. I will not be able to move on now but I just wanted to remind you that maybe one day I can finally walk away because the patient is always under limited. I tried my best to keep you since the first day until now but if you still act like this sorry maybe I have to lose you to find me. Dear my little star! From me @your bestie 😊

Wish I could uncrush u

Dear crush, ik ure in love with somebody who ain’t me, yet I hope u’ll never be lonely like u always told me n realize this world as a beautiful place. I hope she’ll take good care of u n I wish u live in this love life ever after. My happiness is seeing u happy. Love u my dearest crush:) #m

Main Character

To my most favorite person, I don’t know where you are at right now. I promptly admit that I miss you so much especially your dry sense of humor, you being Dokey-talkative to me. Our big and small fights, LOL. I wish you were here with me. To tell me everything is fine, everything will be better. I badly need your love and comfort because I’ve been so tired of what I’ve been going through lately. I know I have no rights to tell you to stay, but seeing you disappear this time hurt me deeply. I thought I would be okay this time since we already said our goodbye and also had a proper closure even though we ended up in bad term again. In this situation, you probably hate me that much, think of me as a ‘never wrong and always right person’.it’s fine for me. I know I’m at worst. I want to do the same thing as well. Sadly, I can’t make myself hating someone who I’m so in love with. That’s not me! Despite your lies, you being closed-book to me, I’m still enchanted to meet you. I don’t feel any regret falling for you, I really mean it. You are the main character in my story. Your name has in every chapter of my book since May 2020 til now. Imma always feel appreciated and grateful because I found someone who showed me the real definition of ‘Action speaks louder than Word’. You are Jjang! You know what? I can pretend to be happy and laugh at others joke. I can go on other dates and meet new people as you wished me to, but at the end of the day, they aren’t you. We will always be unfinished business and it will always be you although I used to tell you not to cross the path again. Yet, deep inside of me keep hoping that at least we have one beautiful story which I never give up praying for. One small moment together as you knew that I expect less when it comes to you, right? ...

I'm starting to lose track of my feelings...

I'm not sure what's wrong with me at the moment. I used to expect my lover to be concerned about me, to adore me, to be childish and clingy in the same way that I am. And it didn't even happen on the day I expected it to, and my lover doesn't seem to mind what I said. Most of the time My lover alway keep me waiting , late text or call and even leave me alone for long. And am so upset with this attitude. My lover’s gone from being a don't care to wanting to spend time with me, talking with me, and appreciating me a lot now. And I'm not really that excited and happy anymore. I don't feel as if I'm excited anymore, which seems normal to me. Is this because I used to have high expectations on my lover, or because I'm gradually losing interest in my lover ?

Two people from two different worlds

You are so awesome. Everyone knows and loves you. I stood there looking at you; looking at how far we were from each other. I was just an outsider to your world. But when you reached me first, everything changed. You let me in, even just for a short moment. I finally could see and hear you clearly then. I wish time were frozen. I wanted to keep you longer but I didn’t know how to do that. You showed me the parts of you that I had never seen before. I wonder if you did that to everyone. Yet, it didn’t matter because that’s all I could ask for. Now that our worlds go back to normal, I wonder how you feel about back then. Perhaps it’s normal for you, but sitting there alone together just listening to you talking about your favorite things…my heart is still fluttering now. I wish I were brave enough to tell you about my feeling. Right now, I don’t think I have anymore chances. Eventually, we are just two people walking on two different paths. Yet, the memory you gave me, will always be my favorite fantasy. —tired owl.