Suicidal thought
It comes again...that thought and why its keep whisper in my ear and keeping running in my brain telling me i should die so everything will be fine? Why is it me? Why am i being like this?
មិនមែនខ្ញុំចិត្តដាច់ទេ តែអ្នក...ធ្វើឲទំនុកចិត្តខ្ញុំបាត់បង់បន្តិចម្ដងៗ រហូតដល់ពេលមួយដែលខ្ញុំសម្រេចចិត្តកាត់ផ្ដាច់មិត្តភាពមួយនេះចោល តើអ្នកដឹងទេថា...មនុស្សដែលដឹងគ្រប់រឿងដែលធ្វើជាមិនដឹងបែបនេះ វាគួរឲខ្លាចជាងអ្នកបានគិតទៅទៀត។
It comes again...that thought and why its keep whisper in my ear and keeping running in my brain telling me i should die so everything will be fine? Why is it me? Why am i being like this?
''I got my hopes up.'' He whispered. ''About what?'' She asked. ''About you actually loving me back." ''I tried to show you I loved you and you wouldn’t let me which is fine.'' ''But you know the worst feeling is when you find out you didn't mean as much to someone as you thought you did and you look so stupid for caring too much." "I'm sorry.'' She said.
I know I missed all the chances I was dumb back then to choose someone else over s1 who saw all my flaws and still choose me but if I tell you I still love you would still want me back? I know I’m a coward but idk what to do
I knew all along that you probably hate me but I never realize you would hate me that much. I'm sorry for still thinking of you after all these years. Just so you know, it was never easy for me and I suffered just as much as you did. Years passed, I thought we're on good term and that's why I always have a soft spot for you but I was wrong after all. I'm sorry; I'll never leave a trace of me anywhere in your life anymore. Live well and be happy !
You know what happens to the person who you are pushing away? They’re starting to question themselves, their worth and feels so insignificant and powerless. I, myself questioned myself “ am I not good enough “. You know how much it hurts when I tried my best to stood by you while you’re pushing me away? Is it fun to doing so? I wanted to feel needed again. I wanted you to want me like you had before. I wanted you to lean on me, but that was the impossible task for you. Despite feeling so distant from you, I was there every time you needed to talk. We went from telling each other anything and everything to complete strangers. I feel like I don’t even know you anymore. I'd been pushed so deeply that there was no coming back. We went from the funny, the goofy texts to nothing at all. I’ll never stop caring. But if you decide to push me away, I’ll stay away. You pushed me too far, too fast and I couldn’t keep chasing after you.
I would say that I’m a well reserved kid and always think it through before I take action. I’ve always thought that I’m strong enough to deal with all the problem. I’ve always thought that I am not jealous of anything or anyone around me. But, I realize I do care. I’m jealous that other family is having fun with their children. I’m jealous that their parents are always be there and give them the support. I’m jealous that others don’t have to deal with mental pressure. I’m jealous that things have never been well no matter how hard I try to fix. When will this end? I’m tired…..
Sometimes it becomes pressure for me that I always need to say ''Yes'' to everything that my friends ask for. It's doesn't mean that I don't want to help them or whatever, but I feel really bad about it. They keep wanting me do whatever they want, I mean if they want that I HAVE TO do that for them, they always want me to do like that all the time, even I say ''I can't''. On the other hand, I still cannot say ''NO'' to them as well, whenever I say ''NO'' to them I always feel wrong but at the same time I feel pressure as well. I feel like sometimes they don't respect my decision. I swear I want to be a selfish person sometimes, I don't want to be a tool for anyone that can be using all the time like that, but I don't know HOW TO SAY NO. Tell me if i'm wrong.
Where have been to for so long??? I am not okay here. I feel like I am all alone. Hug me tight please.