I’m in trouble

Being used

Doesn't it feel so sh*tty to be used by someone we care about whether it be friends or someone you have feelings for? Like they would only think of us when they need us for some reasons. When we are out of use, they would completely ignore our existence. I felt like an idiot for assuming that the person slightly thinks about me sometimes. The truth is I only cross their mind when I can offer them some sort of benefits. Now that I recall the time they said we're close, I cringe so hard and feel so stupid.

2025-08-14

Are We Really FRIENDS?

We started to know each other at the University by our mutual friends a year after enrolling the University. Our class were next door and we were complete stranger. We completely came from different world. Her friends got a project. I was asked to help. We became friend at first but not really closed one. Months later, I started to care, to curious, to chase, and to chat to her. I didn't know that it was a beginning of catching feelings for someone since I have never had one. I was pretty annoying her by some of my actions because I didn't know how I should do to express my feelings. I was unreasonably angry at her when she ignored me like I was invisible. Unfortunately, I changed class to another shift. We separated. I did miss her. Whenever, she asked me for help. I never said "NO" because I made me happy for helping her. I thought alone that she would have feelings for me, too. And yeah, it was one-sided love from me. She was already in relationship with someone whom I knew at that time. My heart broke into pieces. I cried without being aware of it was a heart broken feelings. I pretended to congrats her and be laughing in front of her. Years passed by, we didn't contact. She only chatted to me once she needed helps. Still, I didn't reject any requests. She sent me some songs, yet I didn't realize what the meaning of sending a song. I asked her why she sent me songs. She said "nothing" just send to me and listen. I was so dumb or I thought that she was in relationship. I shouldn't care about her anymore. She may be breaking up with someone I know. And, getting into another relationship. I also realized that. I always kept my distance just don't want to hurt myself more than before. She did reply to my story sometimes. I didn't reply much as before. Yeah, my feelings for her still remains the same until now and it's been 4 years. I met new people. Those closed friends told me that I should move on and opens for new one because she didn't have any feelings for me as they can assume of my storytelling. We both don't cut each other off. We are still contacting. We sometimes talk deeper, flirting, and argue. However, I don't really want to express my feeling because I don't know whether she is available. Whatever, I still care, love, stand behind her, buy her food. I do everything I could do for her in the name of her friend. You will always be in my heart, my friend. 👩‍❤️‍👩

Him, her and I

Just as close as a family she said... So us having something secretive behind the group is considered a betrayal. Him being uncomfortable talking about it and is still unsure about me, her pushing me to tell everyone as soon as possible, so we can discuss about it with the group because what me and him are doing is considered to be more than sinful. Following her, will lose me him. Following him, will lose me her. Leave it as it is and we will all lose each other. And me being in the middle of it, makes it easier for me to blame it all on myself when I can't even fully understand what it's turning into. I love them so much, I love everyone so much. But can I just have a bit more time, "Her"? And can you give us a chance to try it in a different way , "him"? I know I'm so "immature" to you guys but trust me a little, will you? Because I'm so close to end me for the sake of everyone.

A man I appreciate for the past five years, ...

... but could never have. We met around the end of 2016. Our first interaction is still somewhat feels recent to me. I bet you don’t know, but you always have a special place in my heart ever since the first day we met. Knowing you is a true blessing for me. We met in high school and then continued to go on same university. At first, I didn’t really like you that much. But, strangely enough, you’re always there whenever I face problems. You helped me, you supportEd me. You were just being you, the kind and supportive you. It was me that took it the other way around. You know, I grown up with no many affection or love. So, when anyone do me good, I get attached easily. However, all of this liking you alone thing is hard for me. It’s been five years already. I think I’ve got enough now. I should move on. That’s why I changed shift to have space from you. Because, I don’t think I can move on if I just sit there and see you almost everyday like that. It’s been months since we last met. Even though you’ve never contacted me; from time to time, I still think of you and try to talk to you. I can’t say that I’m completely moved on from you. But, I can say I’m doing well in moving on. So here is a short message for you: be happy and healthy. Goodbye, my five-years love:) #myfatThor

to the moon

I know you're here. I am sorry about what I have done to you and I hope you will find yourself in the future. I am sorry I hurt you and I am aware that the actions I have done to you were beyond unforgivable. I was too caught up being in my own element forgetting there was another person who wanted to be by my side too. I am sorry a million times and there is no other way for you to be happier than just letting you go and find someone else. I am sorry once again. I hope all the pieces that have fallen apart will come together once the right person appears in front of you. the person who wants to be with you 24/7. the person who genuinely loves you for who you are, and most importantly, the person who won't make you question your self-worth because you are more than enough. I am sorry I could not be that person for you. I wish things worked between us too 'cause there's nothing I wouldn't do to make you stay, but I guess it wasn't supposed to work out that way. You can get through this, I believe in you. I'm sorry again and again. (question for the admins, will u post if someone submits a confession of them barking?)

From the beginning, I already knew, that it wasn't going to be me.

I fell for you. Over and over. Repeatedly, I let you hurt me and come back. For so long, I made these excuses in my mind that made me believe that I meant more to you than I probably ever did. I vividly remember the days when you left and I would spend hours crying. My chest was heaving with the pain that came with being the second choice once again. I’ve spent years instinctively looking for any remnants of you. Hoping that one day you would simply realize everything that you did wrong. But sadly, I found myself wishing for things that wouldn't happen. I fell into that familiar second choice again. Maybe it’s my fault for letting you, for always sitting within your peripheral vision and being someone you could run back to. Maybe it’s my fault for not standing up for myself sooner. I spent so much time wondering why I was never good enough to be that first choice. Never good enough to be the one you felt you needed. As I watch you search for something you’re looking for, I silently sit back here holding my tongue while I try not to tell you that it’s me. But maybe you don't feel the same and it’s easy for me to say that I’m not a second choice. And yet, every time you come back, I find myself falling all over again. Knowing within me that I will always be the backup plan. I always go in with a strong will and a solid wall around me and I always come out with a broken heart. Maybe that’s my life, my destiny as some would call it, to always be waiting for you to choose me first. Maybe one day I’ll wake up and realize how much of a first choice I truly am and finally let you go. Until then I’ll stand here feeling much like the someone who’s always chosen last because maybe I am, after all, just a second choice.

"What can i do to please you?"

(Please read this from the bottom to the top-) #5 and now What do you want from me more ? Everyone had to plays a bad guy role right ? Yes I toke it so that you don't have to lived two lifes in one body. Our journey was the best things that ever happens to me (there is nothing i would change including the day i ask u for a break up) You were not the person i was once knew. i was always the problem (No matter what isn't it?). I should told u what on my mind & what is going through my head everyday right ? so that u can tell your friend and those people would advice u to make up your mind with me right ? There was one person i really loves, she was the best thing, i could share anything with her knowing she will be behind me. Going on a trip with her, Explore new place with her, out of all things couple do- i would do anything just to be with her- BUT YOU WERE HER - right after that there only one thing u and her have the same in common (was the facial). I stayed single and rejected every girl because of one person. i want to see her in a better place first so that i can allow myself to love anyone else. Hello and Goodbye.

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