I am just a sore-loser

Disclaimer: If you're sensitive to any pessimistic contents, please skip this. You would not want anything to discourage you. I do not know where to start or what to write but here is my story. I'm born in good family, somehow i feel my life is not. I do not if i am overthinking or i am being too emotional. I am youngest child, my age is over 2 decades, my parents are over half of hundred. I am just still live by my parents, accomplish nothing but troubles. My parents spent nearly a million of dollars for my education somehow i feel to learn n.th useful to make them proud. My friends at this point, they made the name for themselves, they have a family. I feel like i am a lose. i fail as a child, as brother, and as a friend. I do a lot of things to disappoint my family. I know my family is well-known but this burden has pressure me more since i have a lot of expectation from people. In life, i want to have friends to hang out with but no one want to be near me, i had friends only in high-school that was because i see them everyday after that we cut off the contact. Even with my parents, i seem to grow distance, i could not do anything to help them. I want to be near them but i do not know how or where should i start. People might see me as out-going, friendly, extrovert but inside i am just a boring guy, emotional sh**, loner. I feel like darkness is my favourite place, like Batman but Batman is rich while i m poor. I just want to run off from home, and cut off the contacts just to free everyone's burden. I see myself with no real skill or ability even now i am just too afraid to be in love too, i know no one wants a useless guy. When people ask me, why do not i hang-out with my friends? I do not want to answer them, just because they do not like me, i do not blend in, or i have no friends. I know nothing beside being in the gym, fashion, and beauty. They are useless since I am not a model. It contributes nothing as incomes, only splurging. I need someone to understand me, lend me their shoulders, and telling me "Everything is alright", and somehow i just want to be alone. I sometime feel numb from sarcasm. I am also afraid to be in love since i got rejected on every of my confessions, i feel like i am not good enough for anyone, i just afraid to be in love, afraid to hurt someone too. I am just too insecure about everything. so far, i think i have reached my opinions. I do not know what to say anymore Thanks for reading

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2025-08-14

I hate u!

You make me go to heaven and down to hell in just a split second, now i have to hate u, that’s what my brain told me but my heart already fall for u! I’ll take my heart back . From me ur strangers with secret!

2025-08-14

The never coming date we planned

Remember when we used to say we will meet? Remember when you said you were so eager to meet me? Remember how we were happily discussed about this so call date and plan it all out perfectly? Remember how you and I both had our hands on our first date gift for each other? I still had those photos of our gifts which we had sent to one another. But now, where was it? Where had it gone to? Where are you? Just how cruel are you leaving me all alone in this world before we could ever meet. Just…why? Why did you have to leave so soon? It’s been 1 year and a half since you’re gone from this world. May your beautiful soul be at ease. You are the most beautiful human I ever meet.

2025-08-14

My Bullshit

I'm sorry that you have to deal with my bullshit. I didn't realize I have a lot of bullshit. I'm not that type of person, I swear. You raised your voice saying “ I'm dealing with your bullshit everyday, dealing with your bullshit is tiring. I thought you were not that type of person.”. I'm sorry, I was just telling you how my day was like how you always tell me about yours. I didn't mean to rant on you or maybe I sounded like one and if so, I thought you would listen to me and comfort me like other couples do but it's okay as long as you still love me, I don't mind. I was blinded by the illusion of you that I created in my mind.

2025-08-14

....

These several years not a single day where i wish we would end up tgt but the more i hold on to u the more i realized i never meant to be in ur life so i give up

2025-08-14

December 2015

There was a guy that catch my eyes back then during my parent working trip at KPS since 2015. Our eyes catch while I was on my way down the stair and it keep bothering me for around one year and thanks god in 2017 I can forget it because I was busy studying for my BACII . I never thought that we could meet again but in 2018 I end up working in the same place with him until now. I use to be someone who good at controlling myself when it comes to feeling and always try to calm myself down for these few years but lately it seem to be out of control and I cannot stop thinking about him. He keep looking at me when we meet and when our eyes meet my heart keep racing. I always trying to avoid but the more I try the more we accidentally meet. I just don't know what to do now...it's so confusing.....

2025-08-14

To my first love

I believe the first love is always the best feeling you have ever felt in your youth memories either it ends well or bad. Believe it or not, my first love experience has still hunted me until today. As of today, I still stuck seeing his rounded face facing with sunlight in my eyes and his soft voice in my both ears. Ever since I met him in high school, my life has changed completely. People said love is blind and I absolutely agree with that. Everyone was invisible to me whenever he showed up. I would lose my word whenever we started the conversation. My heart beated crazily when he came close to my body. My face would turn red in seconds when he called me by my name or oun eng. However, I was not the only one who wanted this man to be in my life, he was an apple in every girls’ eyes back to that year. His friendliness, caring, kindness, helpfulness, and bright smile make him had everyone attention. Thankfully, due to the class arrangement I got a chance to share a table with him for two wonderful years. Within that years, I witnessed the girls who tried to win his heart yet, he turned them all down. I had no answer to why he turned everyone down but I was so happy that I still have chance. Ever since we started studying together, I push myself to study harder and harder because he was one of an outstanding student and I was hoping that if I did well in my academic I would be noticed by him someday (the stupid me😂). I would never talk to him first until he started the conversation (I was shy 🙈) and our topic would be only about the academic. Thank to him even he noticed I felt uncomfortable with him around, he still tried his very best to make me felt better and help me out with our team work. He would tag me along to the part-time school and even brought me snack. There was a time that it was raining like dog and cat and he decided to owed me his jacket so I would still felt warm on my way back home. Yet, he was this good to everyone not only me that time and the only reason I was able to be treated spacial because I was his deskmate. Everything went too well that make me hopelessly falling deeper and deeper day to day. But because it went to well, I did not dare to confess because if I was turning down that time I would completely lose him and would have no another chance share some priceless like that moment. So I did my best in my study to be bold to him and would try to hide my feelings from him and even avoided seeing him sometimes. This was killing me yet also saving me from losing this man as well. Months went by and here come bacll time ( it was tough in 2017), we both were trying so hard and promise to do our best. With my effort, school and family support, also his mentally and academically support, I did it. I at least got a B while he had himself an A. I was so happy for him and it was the first time we share a hug and he put his hand on my head and should said ‘You ឯង ពូកែណាស់‘. That was a moment that I am proud of myself the most. Even I couldn’t accompany him to the award ceremony but I felt enough. I was now told by my 4years crush that I did great and even shared a happy moment with him. After bacll, we still chatted and discussed what should we do next and it was when I realized I cannot just run after him all the time I should also find my own goal and purpose. So he went for a university abroad and I registered for a local university and it’s also when we started fading away. As of today, we are now graduated and doing our dream job. We met serveral times this recent years. I am so happy to share my high memories with him and to have him as my first love even it was only me who in love. Thank to him and his support for me to become who I am today. As of today I am still regretting not able to confess my love to him back then and if I could turn back time I hope I least heard a bold yes or no from him, honestly. Even if this love was silly but I did feel love and it all ends well, thank 🤍. And of course I hope you would come across this message someday. Thank you for your memories. And guess what I already found my Mr. Right and even if he was not my first he will be the only one who going to walk me on the aisle after my father. I am now getting married to someone I love and I am sure he love me harder. Thank you my first love and you will be one of my best memories even after my wedding day. Thank for everything 🤍

2025-08-14

I'm starting to lose track of my feelings...

I'm not sure what's wrong with me at the moment. I used to expect my lover to be concerned about me, to adore me, to be childish and clingy in the same way that I am. And it didn't even happen on the day I expected it to, and my lover doesn't seem to mind what I said. Most of the time My lover alway keep me waiting , late text or call and even leave me alone for long. And am so upset with this attitude. My lover’s gone from being a don't care to wanting to spend time with me, talking with me, and appreciating me a lot now. And I'm not really that excited and happy anymore. I don't feel as if I'm excited anymore, which seems normal to me. Is this because I used to have high expectations on my lover, or because I'm gradually losing interest in my lover ?

2025-08-14

Why

Why do I still love you more and more even though we broke up 2years ago? Why can’t I just move on like the way you did? Why do I still cry over and over again for you?បងលួចមើលអូន but Why did sometimes អូនមើលបងវិញ ( we’re in the same class)? The way you looked at me, it drove me crazy. I‘m still waiting for you អូន even though I know it’s impossible that you will come back...Daisuki da yo my love