A Fellow ADHD

Consider this a respond to #KJ0061 – as a fellow person with ADHD (side note: ADHD more common than you might think). ADHD is often not talked about here (our country) and more often than not, this neurodivergent behavior is misjudged for laziness and reckless. There are many forms of ADHD, but in my specific case, I often hyper fixate on things and lose feelings really fast. I can start a new hobby and forget about it the next day. I can place my keys somewhere and would lose it just as quickly. In class, it is very difficult to concentrate and online class isn’t making it any easier. I often find myself fall short when it comes to tasks such as organizing and planning. I would forget to bring even the simplest thing. I’m always running late for class, and falling behind on certain tasks. That doesn’t mean that I am unable to do anything just like the neurotypical (people with normal brain). It just take a lot more effort. Some of you will never understand how much effort it takes for a person with AHDH to bring everything to class, complete assignments on time and manage their time. It’s not impossible, but it takes us so much effort just to seem normal. I try my best to walk at the same pace as the neurotypical, but I’m sure many people with AHDH struggle more than me. If you’re reading this, be kind to people who you think might have ADHD. Maybe it’s not that they don’t try. Maybe it’s very, very, very hard for them to do the simplest things. Be understanding.

Feeling bottled up?

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Sleep forever

I know it not really good to hearing those words. For me , yeah I am really tired of benign a live. I wish that I will sleep forever and never wake up. Only sleep that can help me stay aways from my nightmares, stress , tóxic , depress , sad , cry and more that I usually felt every night. At age 22 , the more I grow the more I scare . I really wish that I could sleep forever and never wake up. I am really tired of everything, study , family, love , friendship, future and everything around me . I really tired . I know it too hard but why I don’t be strong and don’t give up ? I try tooo . I really try to ne strong and don’t give up . But I still can’t survive at all . People thought that I am unless. I am usefulness . I couldn’t do anything better like other. I am really tired of hiding my broken pieces. And I tired of getting hurt again and again . I really wish that I could sleep forever and never wake up.

Love and Trauma

"Why did we break up?" It has been exactly 49 days since the day you told me that you feel off and you cannot continue this. I've been questioning myself and there were a lot of question marks in my head. Back then to day one, you told me I was your everything and your life would be hell without me. I told you that my previous relationship gave me a lot of traumas and I was scared to start a new relationship because once I love you, I commit and put 100% feeling and effort into it. You promise and you were being vulnerable to me. I decided to trust you and love you wholeheartedly. Our relationship was so pure, lovely, cute, happy until the very last day. The day that another part of me collapse. The day that every promise is broken. The day that you gave up on me. How could we suddenly break up? You gave me the love that make me feel everything then suddenly it dropped to 0. It is sting no matter how much many times I am trying to apply the medicine. It's difficult to picture it without that person because we were having a dream together and I already pictured you everywhere with me. I can't help but think about you in the middle of the night. I can't help but fantasize about a time when everything was fine. Again, I am living in a trauma that haunt me every single day. A trauma that told me that I would never be enough for someone even I keep hearing you deserve better but deep inside me told me that "IF I AM ENOUGH, HE WOULD NOT GIVE UP ON ME." Thank you for giving me love that I always want to feel but never want to leave. It gave me pain, trauma, and fear but I am glad that we come across each other in this lifetime. We broke up but "Once upon the time, my heart was yours." I love you, a_y

my dearest 김

you deserve everything you know????? ចង់ប្រាប់ថាបងស្រលាញ់អូនខ្លាំងបំផុត I wanna pat your hair, kiss your forehead and keep you in my arms again. please stay healthy and happy until the day we meet again. from your one and only R.

Reason

Being insecure is not a valid reason to leave the other person. It’s too cruel, disrespect, disregard the love and the commitment the other person has for you and only you.

Your name

Why can’t I hate the one who hurt and broke my heart into pieces? I can’t even erase your name from my head. I am fu*king hurt when I hear your name. Stupid me hoping to start over again with you.

អ្នកជិតដិត

ខ្ញុំព្រមនិងទទួលយកគ្រប់យ៉ាងជាអ្នកព្រោះខ្ញុំស្រលាញ់អ្នក ខ្ញុំព្រមទទួលយកទំនាក់ទំនងនេះព្រោះខ្ញុំដឹងថាមានតែនៅក្រោមឋានៈនេះទេីបខ្ញុំអាចនៅក្បែរអ្នក យកចិត្តទុកដាក់នឹងអ្នក បារម្ភពីអ្នក នឹងសង្ឃឹមថាថ្ងៃណាមួយពួកយេីងអាចរីកចម្រេីនលេីសពីពាក្យនេះ ខ្ញុំដឹងថាខ្លួនឯងល្ងង់ ប៉ុន្តែខ្ញុំសុខចិត្តល្ងង់ដេីម្បីនៅក្បែរអ្នក ការស្រលាញ់មួយនេះវាមានន័យណាស់សម្រាប់ខ្ញុំ ព្រោះខ្ញុំគ្រាន់តែចង់នៅជិតអ្នក ឃេីញអ្នកជោគជ័យ គាំទ្រអ្នក នឹងមេីលថែអ្នកក៏ខ្ញុំសប្បាយចិត្ត ទោះលទ្ធផលបែបណាក៏ខ្ញុំសប្បាយចិត្តនឹងទទួលយក You're my priority #boii

I’m dying inside

Generally, I’m a happy person. I laugh a lot, I smile a lot. My friends called me “យាយប្រិមប្រិយ”. It's hard to see me without a smile on my face. Everyone thinks that I don't have any problems in my life, since I always laugh and smiling in every pictures that we captured. Deep down I’m slowly dying day by day. I literally cannot find any form of joy in my life. I feel like I can't show my real feelings; I feel like I have to keep smiling and i feels really guilty if I tell them about that because it’ll ruin their day. I’m jealous to those who brave enough to talk about it especially admit that they’ve suicidal thoughts. Smiling and laughing has become a reflex for me and it’s easier for me rather than tell them what’s going on. I no longer “ME” for a long time ago but nobody noticed it. I feel like someone is clawing away at me on the inside. I feel so empty. I don't know what to do.

ខ្ញុំនៅតែស្រលាញ់អ្នក

មកដល់ពេលនេះ វាប្រហែលជាមានរយៈពេលជិត ៧ឆ្នាំហើយដែលខ្ញុំលួចស្រលាញ់អ្នក។ តាមពិតទៅខ្ញុំក៏ធ្លាប់ព្យាយាមកាត់ចិត្តពីអ្នក ធ្លាប់ទៅកន្លែងមួយឆ្ងាយដើម្បីកុំអោយជួបអ្នក ធ្លាប់ព្យាយាមមើលអ្នកថ្មីជាច្រើនសារ ប៉ុន្តែមនុស្សដែលខ្ញុំនឹកដល់មុនគេនៅតែជាអ្នក។ រយៈពេលកន្លងមកនេះ ខ្ញុំពិតជាចង់ដឹងណាស់ថា អ្នកទុកខ្ញុំជាអ្វី?ដែលមានចិត្តចំពោះខ្ញុំទេ? ហេតុអីក៏ធ្វើល្អដាក់ខ្ញុំយ៉ាងនេះ?ហេតុអីក៏ពេលនោះអ្នកមានគេ?ហេតុអីពេលដែលមានគេ អ្នកម្ដងក៏ជាន់ឈ្លឺខ្ញុំ ម្ដងក៏លើកតម្កើងខ្ញុំ? ដែលមានអារម្មណ៍ថាខុសចំពោះខ្ញុំទេ? តែខ្ញុំពិតជាគ្មានភាពក្លាហានដើម្បីសួរអ្នកឡើយ សូម្បីតែជួបមុខអ្នកក៏ខ្ញុំមិនហ៊ានផង ខ្ញុំសង្ឃឹមថាថ្ងៃណាមួយខ្ញុំនឹងមានឱកាស យកសំបុត្រការគប់ចំកណ្ដាលមុខអ្នក ហើយក៏សួរថា មានអារម្មណ៍យ៉ាងណាដែរ អតីតមនុស្សជាទីស្រលាញ់