My Fault
-N💗 Im sorry for hurting you. It was childish of me to do that to you. I don’t expect u to forgive me. I wish I could take every ounce of pain u feel right now. I love you, always. #221020
#firstandlastpt1 Everything start from me, it was my fault that fall in love with him. It was me who start to message him first everytime and he really friendly that make me feel he has feeling for me too. I spent 3 year to know his information and start to message him in 2019.I don't except he really talkative in message and I have good memories with each other since 2019-2020. As a girl who never had experience in love, I was so brave to proposal to him first and he reject me and said sorry. It's hurt me alot but I pretend to be okay and text him we still can be cousin like before. After that moment, I only text him whenever it's related to family issues. Someday I really miss how funny conversation I had with him even I start it first. 2021 I start to move on because I learn some advice through the book , listen to music and start to working outside cause I was a junior now. It's really work for me, I'm happy with book and my friend, we go out and had fun time and I thought I'm not into him fr. But in 2022 March, He start to message me first and I start to ignore but after 2 day ago, he talk about his family issues related to me. I decided to reply short message and he ask me to join his sister's wedding. I said yes cause we're cousin and live next to each other now. But....he make me disappointed in him again. I'll update next part 🔜
-N💗 Im sorry for hurting you. It was childish of me to do that to you. I don’t expect u to forgive me. I wish I could take every ounce of pain u feel right now. I love you, always. #221020
Where should I start... So you guys might not know who am I and I love to keep it that way. But some might notice by the way I write this confession. So just like the title said "don't worry". Recently, both my mental and physical health is not doing good. I sometimes experience chest pain whenever I wake up from my sleep, I can't eat much even though I try, I've been having insomnia for 3 years already. There are some people who actually worry about me and tell me to visit a doctor and even want to help me with all the stuff that have happened; I really appreciate your kindness guy, really. I have visited the doctor, but I don't want to describe what he told me here. I have never asked anyone for anything; however, here I am for the first time, asking my friends, family to smile at my funeral when I'm gone. I know it's impossible for you, but let just say that it's my last wish and please help me fulfill it. I've been fighting so hard, but I'm sorry I can feel that I'm not strong enough, not anymore. I'm not gonna do anything stupid but I know that my time is coming, sooner or later. So please don't worry about me.
To all those who in relationship out there. Have you ever ask your partner everyday or every time whether they still like you or love you? Like “Do you still like me?” What make you ask that? And for those who receive this question from your partner, what do you think when your partner ask this question everyday?
At times, people mention how time heals, and I used to wonder how easily they could say that without understanding what I was going through. My problems felt small in the grand scheme of the universe, yet they were enormous in my miniature world. Despite this, I pressed on, with an inner longing to experience the beauty and terror of life. It's remarkable how unpredictable our futures can be. The me from last year would never have imagined the life I am having today. I've found peace within myself and with those around me, but as things improve, new problems arise to occupy my thoughts. I remind myself not to let these concerns disrupt my newfound peace, knowing that when I look back on my current self a year from now, these little details will likely be forgotten. So, yes, time does indeed have a healing effect even if it doesn’t look like it would help.
it breaks my heart when it looked to me as if everything was going very well between us but then you turned on me. You stopped giving back the same energy, i no longer see the effort from you. It breaks me to pieces when the you i used to know began treating me like shit then you try to explain yourself through your millions of excuses.
YOU FELL OUT OF LOVE when I am still in love with you, I became a one sided love without realizing. Remember the last time you said you love me? It's been too long since I last heard your voice. I miss that. You said you were gonna call me after you finished your work but you never did, till now. Still waiting for your texts like how I used to. I'm not blaming you. You said you were gonna take me to a burger shop ( I stopped eating burgers since I thought I would have it with you, screw me), when you finished all the work, drinking our favorite milk tea, going out for dinner. I know you were still in love with me during that time but I didn't realize that I would become a burden after time passed. My notifications didn't make you feel better, you ignored me. My presence doesn't make you feel excited, you don't wanna talk to me. Everytime I ask, it annoys you. You could clear off your schedules but you didn't because you thought I would ask you to spend time with me and it annoyed you or maybe not because I was never really on your mind or I was just nobody. Sorry, I have no idea what made you become like this.
It's been a long time that we parted from each other. I thought I could fix my fault that I made before. But I ended up scaring you off. I was so excited that you actually talked back to me. I'm really sorry for my overreacting. I hope you will understand my intention of wanting to fix my faults back then. And I hope one day you'll let back in to your life. imysm.
If I’m honest, I’d say it hurts me too. It’s like something is stuck inside my chest that I don’t even know how to get it out. It hurts even worse when I ended it and you didn’t even bother to ask for explanation as if you were waiting for me to leave all along.