First and last

#firstandlastpt1 Everything start from me, it was my fault that fall in love with him. It was me who start to message him first everytime and he really friendly that make me feel he has feeling for me too. I spent 3 year to know his information and start to message him in 2019.I don't except he really talkative in message and I have good memories with each other since 2019-2020. As a girl who never had experience in love, I was so brave to proposal to him first and he reject me and said sorry. It's hurt me alot but I pretend to be okay and text him we still can be cousin like before. After that moment, I only text him whenever it's related to family issues. Someday I really miss how funny conversation I had with him even I start it first. 2021 I start to move on because I learn some advice through the book , listen to music and start to working outside cause I was a junior now. It's really work for me, I'm happy with book and my friend, we go out and had fun time and I thought I'm not into him fr. But in 2022 March, He start to message me first and I start to ignore but after 2 day ago, he talk about his family issues related to me. I decided to reply short message and he ask me to join his sister's wedding. I said yes cause we're cousin and live next to each other now. But....he make me disappointed in him again. I'll update next part 🔜

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2025-08-14

From the beginning, I already knew, that it wasn't going to be me.

I fell for you. Over and over. Repeatedly, I let you hurt me and come back. For so long, I made these excuses in my mind that made me believe that I meant more to you than I probably ever did. I vividly remember the days when you left and I would spend hours crying. My chest was heaving with the pain that came with being the second choice once again. I’ve spent years instinctively looking for any remnants of you. Hoping that one day you would simply realize everything that you did wrong. But sadly, I found myself wishing for things that wouldn't happen. I fell into that familiar second choice again. Maybe it’s my fault for letting you, for always sitting within your peripheral vision and being someone you could run back to. Maybe it’s my fault for not standing up for myself sooner. I spent so much time wondering why I was never good enough to be that first choice. Never good enough to be the one you felt you needed. As I watch you search for something you’re looking for, I silently sit back here holding my tongue while I try not to tell you that it’s me. But maybe you don't feel the same and it’s easy for me to say that I’m not a second choice. And yet, every time you come back, I find myself falling all over again. Knowing within me that I will always be the backup plan. I always go in with a strong will and a solid wall around me and I always come out with a broken heart. Maybe that’s my life, my destiny as some would call it, to always be waiting for you to choose me first. Maybe one day I’ll wake up and realize how much of a first choice I truly am and finally let you go.   Until then I’ll stand here feeling much like the someone who’s always chosen last because maybe I am, after all, just a second choice.

2025-08-14

Final Chapter of Your Character in My Life

Regret? I'd say no. Because deep down I know you chose the right path. Pain? I'd say no. Because when I see how happy you are without my standing beside you, 'who am I to say "It's hurt." if you're happy?'--I ask. Miss? I'd say no. Because it would make no sense that someone, who hurt you, approaches you and say "I miss you". Love? Oh lord, No. It doesn't make any sense to love something you shattered, right? The only question to which I'd say yes is: "Is this the last time we talk to each other?" I'm not in a position to regret, miss, love, or even complain about the pain I've been going through. But at least I'm happy. I'm happy to know that I can no longer hurt you, and you're happy--even if someone else is the reason for that happiness.

2025-08-14

Caption this..

Have you ever felt a wind of change? Have you ever noticed that one moment when you are all-in to do something for that someone? Have you ever thought of the one that changed you? I have been asking myself the same questions overtime. I always asked myself why; why did I have to change my own characteristics just to get along with someone else? And the only answer I could think of is “she is the one”. She is the one who taught me patience, the one whom I pledge my loyalty to, and the one whom I care for the most. I recalled that moment when one of my closest circle ask me: “… do you have someone in your eyes?”, and I responded “Oh yes! Her… the one from several years ago.” That response sent shockwave to the rest of my circle. They immediately questioned me of the progress I made. My answer disappointed them a lot. “It is a long story,” I said. Why haven’t I move on? The only reason I haven’t move on is that I could not find someone else who possess those traits of hers. It is true that I am a flirtatious young adult who fond of girls, especially those in my age or older, but when it comes to the real one — the first lady — I would stick to that girl. Stupid, right? I realise and admit that I usually fell in love at first sight. A lightning storm that usually ended up in a mess. And it has been years now, and we never talked, we never engaged in a long conversation, although time gave us many good opportunities to start things up. At some point, I even think that she hates me… like… she hates me so much that when we see each others, our eyes avoid one another, trying to avoid any contact. Things went back to the ICE AGE, when coldness and ego took over our respective selves. Even our zodiac signs are completely opposite from each other. Maybe I was right to avoid her? Or maybe it was just a new beginning? Or maybe it was a hint to something mysterious? Who knows! So what did she do? She dragged me out of my old self, my arrogant self. I left my assertive way of life, the aggressive behaviour behind, and embraced change. By looking back at my own past, I saw my old self fallen in an endless pit of darkness. Thanks to her presence, I walked on this path. Oh… and she was also the one who indirectly encouraged everyone else to discover beyond the boundary. But that does not mean every one of my activity is done on her behalf. It is a big NO. I could say that she is a guardian angel, who is loved by many of her inner circle, respected by many others, and adored by someone like me. My message would be: Let’s find a good time to talk this out. We have lots of things to catch up to. Shan’t we? And even though, we grow apart our inner little children call out for one another. You are not alone.
2025-08-14

Don't beg

Advise to myself and other who may need to hear this, Love hard, be loyal, put effort, but don't beg for love when you feel like you no longer wanted. Know your worth, you deserve to be love too.

2025-08-14

reply to #KJ0376

after seeing this post, i can sense immediately it's maybe from you! it doesn't mean that, after i got gf i ignored u or take this friendship for granted! you know, you should look from different perspectives, u should communicate or ask me directly because there're thing that u don't really know. i still care about you and checking up on u, but not everyone has energy to communicate all the time. we can't be that stable everyday, too! i still valued u and the friendship but please understand my side as well! i don't even reply my gf that fast too! even my few years of friendship, i didn't text withthem that much too! im so tired with my life lately, please understand that I need time for some break as well!
2025-08-14

Missing the old days

You know what is the most exited things about high school? Obviously the freedom to show the true colors of yourself with your best friends. I mean real friends. My favorite people are starting to reveal their new version and I’m happy for that. But there is something that is lingering on my mind. Why the group is so incomplete? I really need that spirit that brings up everyone happiness upon the atmosphere. The way we bursted the laugh and almost throwing up the whole meal from tummy. Sometimes, I really wish they wouldn't grow up to be somebody that I feel odd to be around. Somehow, all I can do is to wish them a better environment. And yes most of us now are tearing apart and we didn't know what to do than indulging for what the hell is happening. My regret is that I don’t feel appreciate till the day I had received plain smile without the taste of happiness. New Day, isn't it?
2025-08-14

Hope you're getting well with your new life

I don't know why i still love you even you cheated on me. Am i insane?

2025-08-14

I think I started to have a crush on my friend.

We’ve been hanging out together about 4 years now but he and I never think of anything more than friend. I like to tease him sometimes before about being in relationship but it doesn’t mean I have that kind of feeling with him and I think he feel annoyed about me teasing him but who care lol. For some reasons, I think he’s really hate me at some points because I’m kinda immature and of course annoying and always mad and yes he never ទ្រ me because why would he care if I’m mad? Lol. However, we both still talking and still friend. It just this recently (read the title), just maybe, let’s just put it like this. I don’t think he has feeling for me because he doesn’t really care about me and doesn’t really care to reply to my text for all these years only if he wants to. He probably chat with others because I used to caught him. Or he probably study. He’s smarter than me too. But well even if he also has feeling for me I’m not sure whether it’s possible for us to date too due to some reasons which also include my knowledge, I think, because I’m not as smart as him. And other reasons.