Everytime I see a couple, I start wondering is it just me who never had good fate in love? How do people got in love so easily, how lucky are they to be around someone they love. Look at me, I never had a chance to be in that position, I wasnt able to imagine what its like to be in their shoes. Everytime I start to commit in a relationship, all the experience I got are rejection, betrayal and ghosting. Those experiences scare me. Every time I want to commit in a relationship, my memory flashback and little voice in my head keep telling me: "keep it for yourself, love is not made for you." I hate it so much. I just want to be normal 😪
Ex, I changed myself alot about personality. And im glad and proud that i did it success even i can’t move on from u. I wanna ask u 3 questions: 1. I have everything especially my personality isn’t like before, ik im still me but i just changed my toxic personality so what else im still missing? 2. Do u have a true woman to love u yet? 3. And do u change urself some of mistakes? Cuz u also have alot of mistakes too. Did u change anything?
Im not sure where to start this and i don't want ti write a-lot either but I feel like I can’t tell or discuss anything with my best friend anymore … the thing is whenever I told her about something I want to do or what im planning to buy, she’d always do that that thing or buy those thing before me and act like I’ve never told her about it before, and it happens a lot (stupid me just notice those action when I told her i really like this short and planning to buy it (she doesn’t say anything like she wants those too) and next two or three days she bought those without asking whether we should buy it tgt and even do a mirror selfie and send it to me, like i know it’s small thing but it still hurts… even with dudes… (fyi im a shadow), if i told her there is dude I’m interested in, she’d like oh I’ll add him too or let me a game or two with them too and then they talk and become close… like i don't know whether this is normal thing to do so im not sure what to think anymore.
I believe the first love is always the best feeling you have ever felt in your youth memories either it ends well or bad. Believe it or not, my first love experience has still hunted me until today. As of today, I still stuck seeing his rounded face facing with sunlight in my eyes and his soft voice in my both ears. Ever since I met him in high school, my life has changed completely. People said love is blind and I absolutely agree with that. Everyone was invisible to me whenever he showed up. I would lose my word whenever we started the conversation. My heart beated crazily when he came close to my body. My face would turn red in seconds when he called me by my name or oun eng. However, I was not the only one who wanted this man to be in my life, he was an apple in every girls’ eyes back to that year. His friendliness, caring, kindness, helpfulness, and bright smile make him had everyone attention. Thankfully, due to the class arrangement I got a chance to share a table with him for two wonderful years. Within that years, I witnessed the girls who tried to win his heart yet, he turned them all down. I had no answer to why he turned everyone down but I was so happy that I still have chance. Ever since we started studying together, I push myself to study harder and harder because he was one of an outstanding student and I was hoping that if I did well in my academic I would be noticed by him someday (the stupid me😂). I would never talk to him first until he started the conversation (I was shy 🙈) and our topic would be only about the academic. Thank to him even he noticed I felt uncomfortable with him around, he still tried his very best to make me felt better and help me out with our team work. He would tag me along to the part-time school and even brought me snack. There was a time that it was raining like dog and cat and he decided to owed me his jacket so I would still felt warm on my way back home. Yet, he was this good to everyone not only me that time and the only reason I was able to be treated spacial because I was his deskmate. Everything went too well that make me hopelessly falling deeper and deeper day to day. But because it went to well, I did not dare to confess because if I was turning down that time I would completely lose him and would have no another chance share some priceless like that moment. So I did my best in my study to be bold to him and would try to hide my feelings from him and even avoided seeing him sometimes. This was killing me yet also saving me from losing this man as well. Months went by and here come bacll time ( it was tough in 2017), we both were trying so hard and promise to do our best. With my effort, school and family support, also his mentally and academically support, I did it. I at least got a B while he had himself an A. I was so happy for him and it was the first time we share a hug and he put his hand on my head and should said ‘You ឯង ពូកែណាស់‘. That was a moment that I am proud of myself the most. Even I couldn’t accompany him to the award ceremony but I felt enough. I was now told by my 4years crush that I did great and even shared a happy moment with him. After bacll, we still chatted and discussed what should we do next and it was when I realized I cannot just run after him all the time I should also find my own goal and purpose. So he went for a university abroad and I registered for a local university and it’s also when we started fading away. As of today, we are now graduated and doing our dream job. We met serveral times this recent years. I am so happy to share my high memories with him and to have him as my first love even it was only me who in love. Thank to him and his support for me to become who I am today. As of today I am still regretting not able to confess my love to him back then and if I could turn back time I hope I least heard a bold yes or no from him, honestly. Even if this love was silly but I did feel love and it all ends well, thank 🤍. And of course I hope you would come across this message someday. Thank you for your memories. And guess what I already found my Mr. Right and even if he was not my first he will be the only one who going to walk me on the aisle after my father. I am now getting married to someone I love and I am sure he love me harder. Thank you my first love and you will be one of my best memories even after my wedding day. Thank for everything 🤍
Just because I'm okay now doesn't mean that the feeling I lost will come back.
Since you left I never had a good day. I changed. The pain change me. I let the pain control me. I keep compare myself to others. I can't make myself happy. I lose interest in everything. I tried to find someone to replace you. But I just can't get over you. My heart still want you. But ik I have no more chance. I couldn't even have a second chance. I'm trying to love myself. But why is it so hard? I never been like that before. I want myself back. I regret that we used to date each other. But I never regret the time that we used to spend together. I missed you. But I don't want to miss. I want to forget you. I just wish I could end up my pain. It's really annoying. I'm still love you as always.
MY FLAWS. I thought we were supposed to talk about our problems and solve them together. You told me how you don't like me doing shitposting, being shady about you. I stopped. I didn't know it would bother you that much. All those shitposting and shady posts aren't about you, I swear. I know those are not reasons and I was right. It was my attitude. I thought you would talk it out but you didn't, you chose to leave me while I'm still in love with you. I didn't know I have such an attitude to make you lose feelings for me, if so I'm sorry. I was not pressuring you, I never ever or even think about making you love me the way I want. Maybe my actions or how I talk seem like that but I'm not that type of person. I told you I'm an attention seeker. Of course I always try to seek attention from the guy that I love, the guy that I prioritized first, the guy that I would do anything for and it's you but I know what is right and what is wrong. Who knows you got the wrong idea about me. I'm not trying to act like a victim here and I was never one. I'm just trying to tell you about what I wanted to say and how I felt.
Hey, I don’t know whether you’ll see this but I hope you won’t. Anyway, I just found out that u muted me on social media when I did literally nothing to you. Why ? I just completely on my own space but when I found out about it, my heart just break into pieces. I don’t know who am I to you, whether I’m annoying to u or else. I’m completely not okay as you muted me and treat me this way. I cherished our friendship so much we’ve been friends for many years, we spent our wonderful teenager life together. I remember I had you, and u know u had me too. It’s just a friendship they said, but to me it’s a really pure and beautiful one I had with you but since you did this to me I might be somehow annoy u therefore, I will no longer post or share anything on social media… so if u see this it’s up to u whether u want to unfollow or block me whatever makes you happy but remember one thing, as I figured it out I can’t stop myself from crying as I don’t know that is how u treat me as friend for years, as someone who used to comfort, help, and yeah u helped me a lot too. We shared tons of memories and it left me heartbroken and speechless of how 2years of miscommunication lead us to this. You know I have trust issues when it comes to love but thanks to you now I have trust issue in friendship too. Good luck!!!
Befor we us are best friends, but everything has changed. When I rejected your love.I want everything as before, why not? Why run away from me? Why not talk to me.Why pretend not to know me? Why change school? Why? Why can not we be as good friends as before? 4 years of friendship is not less, why did you choose this way? I want to say thanks very much for everything,I hope you know. I’m Sorry Boy👦