anxiety comes to me for the very first time

2025-08-14

Why HIM?

There are many men out there in this world Surly I haven’t met all kinds of men yet. I have found my type but I don’t see that type in many men yet. So why am I rushing myself into this? And the only question that keep running in my mind is Why HIM?- yes, I want him and I love him I can see myself that I’m not crazily fall in love with him which I used to but I can’t live without him as well. I hate that’s the person I’m in love right now is him cuz I know we can’t be more than just FRIENDS. From all these months we’ve been messaging, calling, are all caring as friends? Or more than that? YES, we flirted for fun but I can’t believe I’m the one who lost in this game that we both started. It seemed unfair to me, how can he sleep peacefully every single nights without feeling anything while I couldn’t sleep properly because my mind is thinking about him. The happiness feeling which made me feel so loved, special, the smile that I wear on my face while facing my phone’s screen, feeling someone is giving me the best comfort or comfortable hug which I thought it was gone and never comes back suddenly comes into my life. All because of who? - it’s HIM I hate how biggest role play he plays in my life without realizing anything.. like nth until I can’t lost him. I hate how his sweet words and action melt my heart into water. I hate how I am to him like an open book but for me I can’t even read his mind a bit I hate how every songs I’m listening to is always remind me about him. I hate how many articles I have read always related to our situation. I hate when I know we can’t be more than this and how many times I try to stop myself to fall for him but end up losing I hate how today he treated me like I’m a queen then tmr I’m just someone simple to him. Is it because of me? Am I the only one who fall for my own dream? Does he ever feel the way I do too? Is it my fault? Should I make a first move to get the answer or take a step back ? But HE- he’s really the one who I got inspired these days. Never ever I got/ know a man who can give me this positive energy before. They told me to finding a man who keep pushing you and making you improve for better. YES, I found that person, I found him but I can’t have him. I found someone who I’m about to lost in love way not friendship. The smile I have, all good feeling I have is from him but the painful feeling right now, a drop of smile on my face also because of him cuz I can’t feel that feeling anymore [ BABE ] I know we joke around calling each other like this. But I want us to keep calling each other like this as forever. One day someone will come into his life and replace me with this nickname, one day he’ll find his true [ BABE ] and takes care of his heart which I know that isn’t me but sometimes the little hope in my heart still think however I’m still here being happy for him to find somebody new and best for him. I miss him, miss the old vibe we used to be, am I being trapped by my own feelings/ game I have set for myself again? Having crush is ok and fun not until you truly love someone too much and for real. And for me this situation isn’t having a crush this what we called, right person wrong time. Or I can say right person wrong situation. I swear to myself that I won’t end up in this kind of love situation again but look? Why the boys that I fall in this situation always the nice guys. This situation is harder than having a crush on someone and the feeling I have for men in this situation is much much stronger and it just hits different. I still remembered how much time I had to move on from that old person, even after years he’s still the one who I remember and he lives free in my heart. And now look at who coming again. Same way, same feeling but this one is stronger. He actually being the same way as the old person. How he drives me crazy, how much he make me fall in love everyday. Are we gonna end our relationship like I did with that old person? By stop messaging anyone? It’s hurt. There’s only one thing both of them don’t have in common is everyone knows/ sus on me with old person but between me and him no one noticed it yet unless I told people.

It’s okay to get LAID

I’m a man who is 28+years old and never got laid, and one day I got a girlfriend who did it and she said that people need to have experiences and it is better and it’s just make me feel like damnnnn if I know that, I wouldn’t waste my youth like shit and play around like a player- NOTE- “I am a handsome man” #R

Should’ve known earlier

I thought I was special. Maybe not to anyone but to you in specifically and yet she was the one that you always have and going to choose. I have nothing to complain tho but it still strings me ‘til these days.

He and She: For no reason

It's been almost a year since we last fought. A few months ago, you said we should be friends. I complied. Then next, you said we should not talk anymore since you are selfish and you have been hurting me along so you don't want to continue by any means. I also complied. In both times, I said nothing for I did respect your decision. But hear me this, my dear, he knows you twos never talk properly and you never give him proper answers the way he wants and he never forces you to do it. But perhaps, you twos could have a talk once? Maybe he could tell you all the stories from his side? I know this is a just stupid thing to ask for but at least he asked (I know asking someone anonymously from a confession text is of course more stupid). The crush of one of his friends has just got a girlfriend today. He asked her how she feels about that but she said okay. He wonders when it will be his turn, to know that you got into a relationship with somebody else. He saw that you have fallen in love again. So there is a piece of advice for you. Pursue that love if you have thought thoroughly that it will bring the happiness you have always wished for. Don't feel pressured if your ex still thinks of you because that one is an idiot and a dumb one to still think of his ex despite everything his ex has said to him. Let him be and pursue your new love. Perhaps, when he knows you are in a new relationship, he will realize how dumb he has been and may consider stopping thinking of you. He may still think of you, but I don't think he will be too selfish to be mad at you for getting into a new relationship. Actually, I am not sure what I am writing now, I just hope you don't know who I am. I just wish all the best to you and your career. Thanks for reading the story of He and She: for no reason. Ohh, by the way, Merry Christmas to you.

Barrier

You finally open up. Just like I alway wish for! Because I don’t know where did we go wrong that you choose to push me away and end it. I alway hope that we still have hope. I hope that one day you will realize and resolve thing between us. Because I am sure I don’t deserve it, being push away like that, cut out like that and I am sure I did you nothing wrong. Even if there is, at least we should give it our best shot to make thing better or to make sure that it can’t go on. Don’t true love story at least should end like this? Now that the barrier is open, my wish is granted but my hope is dying once again. Maybe it not going to go as I expected. Maybe you just want to officially show that you have someone new standing in my place.

If you’re happy, I’m happy.

One of my male colleagues and I are so close, but the closest thing I mentioned was that I'm the one who's trying to get close to him. I think I like him a lot, but I'm not daring to tell him. I don't want to ruin the relationship between us. It was good enough for me to have him during my stressful times, happy times, busy times, and anytime I needed him. I'm so grateful. Even if in the future you're not mine, I believe you will be a good husband to your future wife like how you're treating me these days. I'm a bit jealous of whoever deserves you, but if you're happy, I'm happy too. Day by day, my day becomes more and more colorful and shines since I have you by my side. You're so good for my mental health. It was so boring when you were complaining about this and that, but it is so empty without those complaints. I want you, the person who is giving me these good feelings, to feel them as well; to feel loved by someone; to feel treated well; and to be my lover, so I don't have to worry about your future wife. Thank you for being there for me during my hard times. I really appreciated every moment I had with you.