This is a story of mine. A story that I don’t tell anyone and never plan to but it’s been making me feel so heavy so, I decide to confess it here. I’m a mentally ill person, since i was a kid (it’s a long long story). I didn’t get enough love and affection as i was a kid so since I became a teenager, i attach to people who give me affection easily. Long ago, i knew a man on internet. We started texting with each other until we fell in love. He was a really good guy. He loved me, always cared about me, checked up on me, helped me with everything, he was literally perfect plus he’s a good looking person, he was a man in every women’s dream. He didn’t know about my mental state until we dated and it turned out he was also mentally ill, but my condition is worse than him. But things went so smooth, our relationship was super healthy and we were so deeply in love. After we’ve been together for 1 year, thing started to happen, he started asking me to show him my body. I refused but he’d said I didn’t trust him or anything. So i showed him with the condition that there won’t be a second time and he agreed. A few days later he asked me again, he convinced me and if I refused, he’d get upset after that. Thing went repeatedly. He asked me again and again and there’s no the end of it. I loved him too much but doing something like that really made me feel so wrong and disgusted myself. I didn’t want our relationship to fall apart so i did as he told me to (i was stupid). Little did he know, i cried every time after showing him my body. A few months later, i felt like I couldn’t keep it going and going repeatedly like that anymore and i felt so wrong especially i felt like i’m a bad daughter and how’d my mom feel if she know that her daughter do something like that in such a young age. That night, he requested me again but then I refused and i told him i’m not gonna do it anymore, i’ve done enough and I felt so wrong about it. But then he started forcing me. I started to cry but he didn’t change his mind and he promised it will be the last time. I was dumb enough to believe that so i showed him again while i was crying and mad at him. After he felt satisfied, he started to cry, he felt sorry for me and he said I couldn’t control his mind and it was so hard for him. After a month, i guess, he started to request me again and when i refused he always get upset and acted cold to me. I loved him so so much, i was afraid that our relationship was gonna fall apart so i do as he said but that time, he convinced me to masturbate myself. I did everything that he told me to. After one year and half of our relationship, the distance was started to grow between as. I was not a good girlfriend to him, being with a mentally ill person like me is so draining and he also had so much things to deal with, he was also suffering and he still tried to help me and comfort me. I fell into a deep depression that I started to think about committing suicide again. But then, we broke up for some complicate reasons that I can’t even understand. I was so attached to him, i did everything just for him to come back, I begged him and I couldn’t eat or do anything, i just cried and kept calling him over and over even he didn’t pick up. But at night, he picked up but we didn’t talk much since i only called him so i can ask him to be back. Until one night, he said he was still in love with me but i need to be strong, when I become strong, he will comeback, I believed him. We called for a few minutes for a few nights but during our call he always asked me to show him my body and masturbate myself. I thought doing it would make him stay and love me, i was so dumb that I sacrificed and gave him everything just to make him stay. A few days later, I felt like he doesn’t love me anymore because he was so fine, he didn’t care whether i’m okay or not, if i eat, if i cry, he didn’t care about me, he was just living his life normally. He ignored my texted and didn’t pick up my call the whole day until night time, he picked up and asked me to do thing as I mentioned above. One night, i asked him if he was still in love with me because his action showed that he was already fell out of love. “I don’t have any feelings for you since the day we broke up, i was just feel pity for you and afraid you were gonna do something harmful to yourself”, he responded. It really hurt my feelings, it was like someone stabbed me in the chest, I started to cry so hard and all he could say was sorry. I was literally so so depressed, i still texted him and called him after he said that to me (i was so thaok) but he didn’t respond or pick up. After a few weeks I started activating my social media account and acted like I got over it (I didn’t get any better actually). He texted me, i was less sad and asked him to fix thing but he refused again. Things kept happening until a month or 2 months (I forgot) I decided to stop asking to come back since he got a new gf already but i was still in love with him and think about him 24/7. And now, i still can’t get over him and i can’t bring myself to hate him either because he was so good to me even though he did hurt my feelings but he treated me like i was something special and a really important person to him. The only person i hate right now is myself. I hate myself so much, i’m so disgusting and i think I deserved everything that happened to me. Everything that happened in the past is haunting me, the more i get reminded of it, the more i hate myself. Even though i tried to get over it, to forget it, to start working on myself, to heal myself but none of it work. They say time will heal but actually, it doesn’t. I act like i moved on and happy because I don’t want my family and friends to worry about me. They’ve been helping me a lot and i really appreciate it but it couldn’t help me somehow. It’s all my faults, I know people will hate me if they know about this but what can i do to be forgiven. But how can i be forgiven by people when i can’t even forgive myself…
I really wish that was from you #KJ0227, You know We both follow “ Knong Jit ”. Cuz when we were on phone, you told me that you saw me follow this page already. And Since the day you’ve left, I keep checking every post if there is sth from you to me. Well…. Everyday, I still feel like sh*t without you being around and you know it clearly HOW HARD IT COULD BE FOR ME !! I MISS US !! I’LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU !!
ផ្ញើជូនកញ្ញាtrade and payment team នៅ CIMB ឃើញសារមួយនេះហើយពេលធ្វើការកុំភ្លេចថែសុខភាពឧស្សាហ៌ញ្ញុំទឹកអោយបានច្រើនផងមិនថារវល់ចេញធ្វើការយីតចាំថាមានមនុស្សម្នាក់ជាចាំ Support and standby គ្រប់ពេល From: Pan pan assistant🐼
I know we both are girls but I don’t know why I fall in love with you and always fell harder every time I see your smile your laugh . Thinking about it’s again I know it’s only me the one who fell and even harder.
Disclaimer: If you're sensitive to any pessimistic contents, please skip this. You would not want anything to discourage you. I do not know where to start or what to write but here is my story. I'm born in good family, somehow i feel my life is not. I do not if i am overthinking or i am being too emotional. I am youngest child, my age is over 2 decades, my parents are over half of hundred. I am just still live by my parents, accomplish nothing but troubles. My parents spent nearly a million of dollars for my education somehow i feel to learn n.th useful to make them proud. My friends at this point, they made the name for themselves, they have a family. I feel like i am a lose. i fail as a child, as brother, and as a friend. I do a lot of things to disappoint my family. I know my family is well-known but this burden has pressure me more since i have a lot of expectation from people. In life, i want to have friends to hang out with but no one want to be near me, i had friends only in high-school that was because i see them everyday after that we cut off the contact. Even with my parents, i seem to grow distance, i could not do anything to help them. I want to be near them but i do not know how or where should i start. People might see me as out-going, friendly, extrovert but inside i am just a boring guy, emotional sh**, loner. I feel like darkness is my favourite place, like Batman but Batman is rich while i m poor. I just want to run off from home, and cut off the contacts just to free everyone's burden. I see myself with no real skill or ability even now i am just too afraid to be in love too, i know no one wants a useless guy. When people ask me, why do not i hang-out with my friends? I do not want to answer them, just because they do not like me, i do not blend in, or i have no friends. I know nothing beside being in the gym, fashion, and beauty. They are useless since I am not a model. It contributes nothing as incomes, only splurging. I need someone to understand me, lend me their shoulders, and telling me "Everything is alright", and somehow i just want to be alone. I sometime feel numb from sarcasm. I am also afraid to be in love since i got rejected on every of my confessions, i feel like i am not good enough for anyone, i just afraid to be in love, afraid to hurt someone too. I am just too insecure about everything. so far, i think i have reached my opinions. I do not know what to say anymore Thanks for reading
កាលពីឆ្នាំ 2019 ខ្ញុំបានសុបិនឃើញមនុស្សម្នាក់ដែលខ្ញុំមិនធ្លាប់ស្គាល់សោះ ជួបគេនៅកន្លែងដែលមិនស្គាល់ដូចគ្នា!ក្នុងសុបិន្តនោះ គេមិនបង្ហាញមុខឲ្យខ្ញុំឃើញទេ គ្រាន់តែបែខ្នង... it's really strange, because I never dreamed anyone who I never know. ពេលនោះក៏មិនចាប់អារម្មណ៍ គ្រាន់តែគិតថា ប្រហែលអារម្មណ៍មកពីណាមិនដឹងដែលឲ្យសុបិនបែបនេះ។ ខ្ញុំក៏បំភ្លេចវាទៅ... តែថ្មីៗនេះ ចុងឆ្នាំ2021 ខ្ញុំបែរជាសុបិនម្ដងទៀត វាចម្លែកដូចគ្នា ឃើញមនុស្សម្នាក់ដែលមិនធ្លាប់ស្គាល់ តែលើកនេះឃើញគេពីចំហៀងវិញ...ពេលភ្ញាក់មក មិនចាប់អារម្មណ៍ខ្លាំងទេ! បន្ទាប់មកចាប់ផ្តើមគិត Why this dream really strange? Have I seen this person before?? ចម្លើយគឺជា ម្នាក់ដែលខ្ញុំសុបិនកាលពី ២ ឆ្នាំមុន! ( ខ្ញុំមិនច្បាស់ទេថាគេបាននិយាយអីឬអត់ តែកាយវិការដែលគេបង្ហាយ ខ្ញុំអាចដឹងបានថាគេកំពុងចាំ ហើយឲ្យខ្ញុំចាំដូចគ្នា!) ខ្ញុំមិនដឹងថាវាពិតឬអត់ ហើយអ្នកទាំងអស់គ្នាជឿឬអត់ទេ តែខ្ញុំគ្រាន់តែគិតថាខ្ញុំនឹងជួបគេថ្ងៃណាមួយ! To that person : " Waiting " is the word that reminded me every day. No matter what, no matter where and who u are, if both dreams are real, I wish to see u. However, when that time comes u have someone or don't I'm still waiting. Just want to see u is enough!! Remember me! I'm still waiting u...!
I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. Even though it was very clear at a young age to me that mommy and daddy absolutely hated each other’s guts and only got married in the first place cause of my birth, they refused to divorce. “Staying together for the kids” is the absolute worst thing you can do to a child. Mom and dad, What did I do wrong?? my existence??? [newLine*]Personally, it effected my general self esteem and the way I formed and behaved in relationships for the rest of my life. I was diagnosed with PTSD, (yess PTSD) as growing up in a house that was literally a battlefield. I always blaming myself for being existing. I thought my family was normal. It wasn’t until i turned 15 when I had friends whom I would go visit and then I started seeing something completely different. My friends had normal parents. Before that, I thought a dysfunctional family was normal. I still suffer from anxiety to this day and self-esteem. My problems are a constant fear of getting too close to people, including friends. As I grew older I became more quiet. It’s effected my relationships and friendships to a point where I end up pushing people away. I like being alone where there’s complete silence and nothing can bother me. I think I came to this point due to growing up in my parents house and constantly hearing them scream at each other, doors slamming. My self-esteem problems are mostly from being ignored and neglected through out my early life. My parents whose were never involved with anything of my childhood despite us living in the same household. The cause of their arguments has always been about me, and still is to this day. My dad came home from work and fighting with my mom because of me, it became worse with age. I feel embarrassed or ashamed to even talk about this with my close friends. My family was of the type that everything happened behind closed doors and out in public. If I had friends come over, they became entirely different people in front of my friends. They could actually act right and tolerate each other when they had company- (why the hell can’t you be normal like that all the time?) For this reason, I never opened up and told my friends what happened in our house cause I feared they’d never believe me. It wasn’t until my early adult years, I finally opened up and started telling my friends what really going on at home but some of them told me that no matter what it is, they’re still my parents and they loves me but they don't seem to loves me nor even care about my feelings except for their own. I always want to get away from them and living my life without them. Sometimes when I opened up about it not because I want empathy nor attention but I just need someone who listen to me, listen to me without judging me. Don’t get me wrong I do appreciate my friends and understand that they’re just trying their best to comfort me.
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The person I have a crush on is also an audience of this page. I’m hoping he’ll read this. I've liked him for quite a while now. I react to his posts here and then, but we never actually talk, so I couldn’t come forward with my feelings toward him. There’s no such thing as waiting for the guy to text first, and I’m not scared to reach him, but there’s no opportunity for it at all, and I’m guessing it wasn’t meant to be, but the other me thought that how could I know if I hadn’t tried? By the way, this guy is my type, so I guess he’s worth my time siming over him. This is so frustrating and I hope no one else can relate to this because it is giving me headaches and starting to drive me crazy now.