The worst side
Let us be clear and agree all together. Accepting the worst side of your partner, doesn't include accepting to be treated like sh*t or blaming ourselves for getting offended when our "significant other" take us for granted.
This is a story of mine. A story that I don’t tell anyone and never plan to but it’s been making me feel so heavy so, I decide to confess it here. I’m a mentally ill person, since i was a kid (it’s a long long story). I didn’t get enough love and affection as i was a kid so since I became a teenager, i attach to people who give me affection easily. Long ago, i knew a man on internet. We started texting with each other until we fell in love. He was a really good guy. He loved me, always cared about me, checked up on me, helped me with everything, he was literally perfect plus he’s a good looking person, he was a man in every women’s dream. He didn’t know about my mental state until we dated and it turned out he was also mentally ill, but my condition is worse than him. But things went so smooth, our relationship was super healthy and we were so deeply in love. After we’ve been together for 1 year, thing started to happen, he started asking me to show him my body. I refused but he’d said I didn’t trust him or anything. So i showed him with the condition that there won’t be a second time and he agreed. A few days later he asked me again, he convinced me and if I refused, he’d get upset after that. Thing went repeatedly. He asked me again and again and there’s no the end of it. I loved him too much but doing something like that really made me feel so wrong and disgusted myself. I didn’t want our relationship to fall apart so i did as he told me to (i was stupid). Little did he know, i cried every time after showing him my body. A few months later, i felt like I couldn’t keep it going and going repeatedly like that anymore and i felt so wrong especially i felt like i’m a bad daughter and how’d my mom feel if she know that her daughter do something like that in such a young age. That night, he requested me again but then I refused and i told him i’m not gonna do it anymore, i’ve done enough and I felt so wrong about it. But then he started forcing me. I started to cry but he didn’t change his mind and he promised it will be the last time. I was dumb enough to believe that so i showed him again while i was crying and mad at him. After he felt satisfied, he started to cry, he felt sorry for me and he said I couldn’t control his mind and it was so hard for him. After a month, i guess, he started to request me again and when i refused he always get upset and acted cold to me. I loved him so so much, i was afraid that our relationship was gonna fall apart so i do as he said but that time, he convinced me to masturbate myself. I did everything that he told me to. After one year and half of our relationship, the distance was started to grow between as. I was not a good girlfriend to him, being with a mentally ill person like me is so draining and he also had so much things to deal with, he was also suffering and he still tried to help me and comfort me. I fell into a deep depression that I started to think about committing suicide again. But then, we broke up for some complicate reasons that I can’t even understand. I was so attached to him, i did everything just for him to come back, I begged him and I couldn’t eat or do anything, i just cried and kept calling him over and over even he didn’t pick up. But at night, he picked up but we didn’t talk much since i only called him so i can ask him to be back. Until one night, he said he was still in love with me but i need to be strong, when I become strong, he will comeback, I believed him. We called for a few minutes for a few nights but during our call he always asked me to show him my body and masturbate myself. I thought doing it would make him stay and love me, i was so dumb that I sacrificed and gave him everything just to make him stay. A few days later, I felt like he doesn’t love me anymore because he was so fine, he didn’t care whether i’m okay or not, if i eat, if i cry, he didn’t care about me, he was just living his life normally. He ignored my texted and didn’t pick up my call the whole day until night time, he picked up and asked me to do thing as I mentioned above. One night, i asked him if he was still in love with me because his action showed that he was already fell out of love. “I don’t have any feelings for you since the day we broke up, i was just feel pity for you and afraid you were gonna do something harmful to yourself”, he responded. It really hurt my feelings, it was like someone stabbed me in the chest, I started to cry so hard and all he could say was sorry. I was literally so so depressed, i still texted him and called him after he said that to me (i was so thaok) but he didn’t respond or pick up. After a few weeks I started activating my social media account and acted like I got over it (I didn’t get any better actually). He texted me, i was less sad and asked him to fix thing but he refused again. Things kept happening until a month or 2 months (I forgot) I decided to stop asking to come back since he got a new gf already but i was still in love with him and think about him 24/7. And now, i still can’t get over him and i can’t bring myself to hate him either because he was so good to me even though he did hurt my feelings but he treated me like i was something special and a really important person to him. The only person i hate right now is myself. I hate myself so much, i’m so disgusting and i think I deserved everything that happened to me. Everything that happened in the past is haunting me, the more i get reminded of it, the more i hate myself. Even though i tried to get over it, to forget it, to start working on myself, to heal myself but none of it work. They say time will heal but actually, it doesn’t. I act like i moved on and happy because I don’t want my family and friends to worry about me. They’ve been helping me a lot and i really appreciate it but it couldn’t help me somehow. It’s all my faults, I know people will hate me if they know about this but what can i do to be forgiven. But how can i be forgiven by people when i can’t even forgive myself…
Let us be clear and agree all together. Accepting the worst side of your partner, doesn't include accepting to be treated like sh*t or blaming ourselves for getting offended when our "significant other" take us for granted.
Hey, I hope this message reach out to you in any ways. Ahh I seriously don’t know where to start. I remember the first time we met though screens. At first I thought you were just joking around. I never thought that I would fall for you that hard. It took us a week of talking stage and we started dating. To be honest, I had never felt that kind of heartwarming love from any guys I met out there. You were the first person who make me feel alive and know exactly that true love does exist. I know I’m the one to blame. I took you for granted, not knowing that you’ll soon lose interest in me. You did gave me signs. But I ignored it. You reassure me everyday that you love me, you care for me. But I didn’t believe that because I thought you still have feelings for your ex. I love it when you call me “ Babe “. I can still hear you calling me that. Day by day I tried to forget you. Besides all the good memories we had together always hit me up. I was stupid for not keeping our love last. I was stupid for not acknowledging the signs that you have given me. At the end of the day all I got was sorrow. You remember there was a song called strange by celeste? It goes like “ Isn’t strange how people can change, from strangers to friends, friends into lovers and strangers again.. “. 13-11-2021 was the day we decided to walk different path. I don’t blame you for catching feelings for her. It was my fault for making you falling for her. If I was good to you, you wouldn’t have fallen for her. I’m sorry I wasn’t at my best version back then. But no I won’t blame you. And again I had never thought that you would walk away from my life. You were the only person who make me shine bright like a star. Right now, you’re not here anymore. I miss you every second, every minute, every hour and everyday. Hoping that you’ll come back. But I know that you won’t. It has been almost 5 months now and I’m still in love with you. Although we can’t turn back time, however I wish you’ll find someone who is loving and will love you unconditionally. All the best!
My parents’ marriage was a train wreck. They were unsuited to one another, married for the wrong reasons, and stayed married for the wrong reasons. It did us kids a world of damage from which we will never completely recover. It also taught us some important lessons, largely about what NOT to do! I loose my belief in relationships. They taught me everything about what a marriage shouldn't be like. my parents fight all the time, and they never hide from me. As long as I can remember, they fight about everything, when one of them know he/her is wrong but didn’t care to admit it and the only best thing they have as a couple is that neither of them never cheat on each other or even alcoholic. When I need to take major life decisions, it always gets confusing because of how both of them have different views of things. And they don't communicate so I find myself stuck. As a mother, my mother is a good one. And my dad is a good dad too. But together they are far from the ideal couple. Have you ever heard of “គូកម្ម” ?
We met each other in October last year. I never thought we both could come across and fell for each other. We've been talking and dating for almost 4 months until I realized I was a third-person in her private relationship. Shocked and furious I was at that time but I couldn't say it out loud cuz I was already in love with her. I used to think that I'd settle down with this girl and see our future together cuz I was so sick of falling in love again and again. Things went south and I decided to walk away from her with an unbearable pain for 4 months after we compromised. The last message I wanted send to her was "You are the greatest dream that I've ever had but it's time for me to wake up now".
In my entire life, I’ve never experienced having a huge crush on someone but ever since I met him, I feel like his whole existence taught me the taste of first love because I’ve never been in a relationship once before ( isn’t it odd or an embarrassment, I don’t know but it’s true ) He is the man like the real man who is wholly a gentleman, kind, well-educated and respectful to everyone especially women which I fall for him even more. But the thing is I myself am not confident enough to talk to him like this is just me who is very shy and having the fear being judged from him hahaha since I’m so insecure and the thought of “everything will never work out for you” is always there in my head. And I, too, feel like he’s also feeling the same way as well ( no clue whether or not it’s real hahaha ) because I caught him glancing at me very often ( oops I forgot to mention that we’ve been studying in the same class ). Whenever I say something or respond to the class, he paid well attention to me and his eyes were soft making me feel like he wanted to hear me speaking more. He said that I’m so cute in a low tone and even wrote somewhere on a note but I heard and saw it. And when we got close at some points, he gently smiled like a gentleman he is and also laughed at my sudden jokes. He usually imitated what I did and that was so lovable of him. But does he really feel the same way that I do ? I hate myself for not being confident enough to go and talk to him like everyone does. Whatever the reason is, I’m just wishing the best for him because one day he will meet someone who is better than me and I know we two are not meant for each other. At least, we met.
អ្វីដែលជារបស់យើង វាគង់តែក្លាយជារបស់យើង ទោះបីមានឧបសគ្គរាំងផ្លូវច្រើនយ៉ាងណាក៏ដោយ ។ រឿងអ្វីដែលគង់តែកើតឡើង វាក៏គង់តែកើតឡើងនៅវេលាណាមួយ បើទោះបីជាយើងព្យាយាមពង្វាងផ្លូវរាប់ឆ្នាំហើយក៏ដោយ ។ ការដោះលែងគេ ប្រៀបបីដូចជាការដោះលែងខ្លួនឯង ឱ្យចាកចេញពីគុកនៃសម្ពាធដ៏តឹងតែងមួយ ។
Through a heart break of rejection and the lose of my best friendship, I felt like losing my own home. I got no one by my side, that's what a child far from home like me felt. Just then, I met you, someone I can share all my sorrow and believing. If you happen to see this, I just wanna let you know that you were my strength to confront and overcome those challenges. I'm grateful for your existing through my darkest hour, where your presence told me I have you. And you're in my memory too and I felt whatever you felt. I can't keep in touch with you for some reasons, that's why I couldn't tell you all this. And I know if I could tell you, you won't settle down. I have a different life now and I can't be a late night talk companion like I used to. I forgave you whatever you did and do forgive me too for whatever I said to you. Please think of me like a good friend you had. You gotta live your good life and one day, someone's gonna take my place from your memory to a living moment.
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