From a precious memory to an awful memory

Hello guys so I've been hiding all the pain by myself for so long so today I just wanted to share it with u guys.so here's the story ... We both used to be best friends but then one day when my life was so fking down ( we both girls) and there she's coming into my dark place and cheer me up with her kind words. Yeah I appreciated those words a lot and it helped me a lot but u know it's true that the one makes u feel better will break u worse. I don't think it's true and never think my always fav human being could be this cruel to me. Since i've fallen in love with her.i cried almost every single day because she hurts me everytime we talked but I still come back to her because I love her so much to the point I can give my life to her. Everytime she hurts me I always disappear and come back act as nothing happened ( the feeling that u loved S1 like this coz u will always forgive that person until u reached ur limitations). This last time I've disappeared maybe around 1 months ( the longest and last time too) and then I'm back but don't be confused I never wanted to force her to love me or something just wanted us to be like before like the way she used to act very kind to me ( she's also my favourite friend even before she become my crush) but u know she never do that again. ( អាចថាយើងស្រលាញ់គេពេកហើយឲ្យគេដឹងចិត្ត ចឹងហើយគេនិយាយអីធ្វើអីមិនដែលគិតចិត្តយើងទេ) and my text just be like" u look so okay without me but I'm not" but lol she looks so mad and sent me the texts that I have never received the rest of my life. And those text just cut off all my feelings from her. Guess what's it? Lol she said that I'm not her type because her type is beautiful, perfect sth like that which makes me doubt myself am I that bad in her eyes? Huh and she even said that even she makes the choice among all the person she won't choose me. Lol that's funny. Hold on girl! If those words received by those who have anxiety, depression or didn't love themselves enough. They're probably killed themselves already 😃 but that's not me because I love myself enough and I know I'm pretty enough in my own way for myself and I'm more than enough and also a lot of things she didn't know about me. So here's just few more things I wanted to tell u guys. 1. If u wanted to reject someone just find a good way to do that. Put yourself in someone's shoes. ( Be a good memory to people.dont be a toxic or an awful memory to them because what u said might be haunted them for the rest of their lives) 2. Dear all my beloved people out there please don't doubt your own worthy just because someone treated you like shit. They don't deserve your and please love yourself more. You don't need to prove that you're enough but keep improving yourself just for yourself. 3. I don't know if this reach to u or not but I just wanna tell u now you're just nothing to be and a toxic person that I used to know so if we happened to meet each other or something please គេចពីខ្ញុំទៅព្រោះសូម្បីស្រមោលអ្នកឯងខ្ញុំមិនចង់ឃើញផង។ no hate but I wish u would disappear from my life.🤭 One more thing u the only person among all my ex and crushes that I regret to love .( ស្តាយទឹកចិត្តមើលមនុស្សខុស។ កុំភ្លេចដំបូងខ្ញុំចូលចិត្តអ្នកព្រោះអ្នកមានទឹកចិត្តល្អ មិនមែនពិសពុលដូចពេលនេះទេ)

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2025-08-14

A unforgivable mistake

This is a story of mine. A story that I don’t tell anyone and never plan to but it’s been making me feel so heavy so, I decide to confess it here. I’m a mentally ill person, since i was a kid (it’s a long long story). I didn’t get enough love and affection as i was a kid so since I became a teenager, i attach to people who give me affection easily. Long ago, i knew a man on internet. We started texting with each other until we fell in love. He was a really good guy. He loved me, always cared about me, checked up on me, helped me with everything, he was literally perfect plus he’s a good looking person, he was a man in every women’s dream. He didn’t know about my mental state until we dated and it turned out he was also mentally ill, but my condition is worse than him. But things went so smooth, our relationship was super healthy and we were so deeply in love. After we’ve been together for 1 year, thing started to happen, he started asking me to show him my body. I refused but he’d said I didn’t trust him or anything. So i showed him with the condition that there won’t be a second time and he agreed. A few days later he asked me again, he convinced me and if I refused, he’d get upset after that. Thing went repeatedly. He asked me again and again and there’s no the end of it. I loved him too much but doing something like that really made me feel so wrong and disgusted myself. I didn’t want our relationship to fall apart so i did as he told me to (i was stupid). Little did he know, i cried every time after showing him my body. A few months later, i felt like I couldn’t keep it going and going repeatedly like that anymore and i felt so wrong especially i felt like i’m a bad daughter and how’d my mom feel if she know that her daughter do something like that in such a young age. That night, he requested me again but then I refused and i told him i’m not gonna do it anymore, i’ve done enough and I felt so wrong about it. But then he started forcing me. I started to cry but he didn’t change his mind and he promised it will be the last time. I was dumb enough to believe that so i showed him again while i was crying and mad at him. After he felt satisfied, he started to cry, he felt sorry for me and he said I couldn’t control his mind and it was so hard for him. After a month, i guess, he started to request me again and when i refused he always get upset and acted cold to me. I loved him so so much, i was afraid that our relationship was gonna fall apart so i do as he said but that time, he convinced me to masturbate myself. I did everything that he told me to. After one year and half of our relationship, the distance was started to grow between as. I was not a good girlfriend to him, being with a mentally ill person like me is so draining and he also had so much things to deal with, he was also suffering and he still tried to help me and comfort me. 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After a few weeks I started activating my social media account and acted like I got over it (I didn’t get any better actually). He texted me, i was less sad and asked him to fix thing but he refused again. Things kept happening until a month or 2 months (I forgot) I decided to stop asking to come back since he got a new gf already but i was still in love with him and think about him 24/7. And now, i still can’t get over him and i can’t bring myself to hate him either because he was so good to me even though he did hurt my feelings but he treated me like i was something special and a really important person to him. The only person i hate right now is myself. I hate myself so much, i’m so disgusting and i think I deserved everything that happened to me. Everything that happened in the past is haunting me, the more i get reminded of it, the more i hate myself. Even though i tried to get over it, to forget it, to start working on myself, to heal myself but none of it work. They say time will heal but actually, it doesn’t. I act like i moved on and happy because I don’t want my family and friends to worry about me. They’ve been helping me a lot and i really appreciate it but it couldn’t help me somehow. It’s all my faults, I know people will hate me if they know about this but what can i do to be forgiven. But how can i be forgiven by people when i can’t even forgive myself…

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"best thing"

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I'm disappointed in you.

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How to move on from the past?

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2025-08-14

To someone

Dear someone! I am not brave enough to tell you how I feel and I know you will ignore me if I tell you. I appreciate that I’ve known you that long and we still keep in touch as good friend as we used to do. Thank you for being my good friend who value me and protect me. I have felt because of ur goodness and I cannot stop myself to think about you more than friend. I know it won’t happen but I still wish that you will think abt me someday. (At least we met)! Thanks someone on earth !!!!!!!
2025-08-14

You are worthy

I saw your post. Should you commit suicide? you failed as a son and boyfriend . Not just him anyone that felt like that. First I want to say you are lovable you have your own worth that's not everyone can see it . Person who values you will see you worth . However I know we want the affection especially from our closeness like family I was also the same . When I begin to stop ask for that instead love myself, value myself , in the end we only have ourself . I want to tell you that live on for your dream or travel to any place that you never before . If you don't have dream you will discover one . Secondly Learn to forgive who blamed you for your existence when you start learning forgiveness and want nth back . You will start to heal yourself . Remember you have your own value . Fight for yourself love yourself more . You never reward yourself then do it . Give yourself a rest . Thirdly, we are not perfect . We have our own imperfections . Learn from the past ,the mistakes, the trauma ,the misery. And forgive yourself accept those thing, learn it and improve yourself . For anyone who hurts you . You have two choices either keep distancing or be normal you still be yourself doing good deed just be yourself even you realise they never be in good term with you( they might take time to realise it ) But still it is better to distance yourself from them and give yourself growth. I think everyone know commit suicide is not solutions but sometimes we can't fight anymore we are tired emotionally , spiritually, physically . That's why you need to rest . You should forgive them and maybe distance yourself after you start to focus on yourself to heal . Love yourself 🤗. Afterall you only have yourself in the end . You was born alone you will die alone your sadness carry is alone . If you have no friends to share your story with . Write it down to book all the feeling,anger ,happy how is your day ? Planning things ahead . Maybe you should try to learn new things like arts, music discover yourself. One more thing read book or feed your brain with any knowledge if you are into any major feed yourself with it to build yourself . When you are busy with yourself you will eventually not care about other anymore . All your attention shift on yourself . Last but not least again .keep moving forward . You are so awesome human being . Please take care of yourself more and love yourself୧(＾ 〰 ＾)୨. From me Viramoon. sorry for my grammer . I'm still working on it.
2025-08-14

Maybe that’s who I am

So, I rejected my crush after he conveyed his feeling to me. It’s funny how the result should have made me happy, yet it turned out to be something scary to me. I want him to receive the sincere love from me but I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to love anyone properly. It feels like all I can do is just let me live with this feeling alone and he can just ignore me. Because it’s always better to never get started rather than having to leave him in the future. I don’t want him to be hurt. At least, right now he can forget about me more easily. -t.o.