2025-08-14
I am just a sore-loser
Disclaimer: If you're sensitive to any pessimistic contents, please skip this. You would not want anything to discourage you.
I do not know where to start or what to write but here is my story. I'm born in good family, somehow i feel my life is not. I do not if i am overthinking or i am being too emotional.
I am youngest child, my age is over 2 decades, my parents are over half of hundred. I am just still live by my parents, accomplish nothing but troubles. My parents spent nearly a million of dollars for my education somehow i feel to learn n.th useful to make them proud. My friends at this point, they made the name for themselves, they have a family. I feel like i am a lose. i fail as a child, as brother, and as a friend. I do a lot of things to disappoint my family. I know my family is well-known but this burden has pressure me more since i have a lot of expectation from people. In life, i want to have friends to hang out with but no one want to be near me, i had friends only in high-school that was because i see them everyday after that we cut off the contact. Even with my parents, i seem to grow distance, i could not do anything to help them. I want to be near them but i do not know how or where should i start. People might see me as out-going, friendly, extrovert but inside i am just a boring guy, emotional sh**, loner. I feel like darkness is my favourite place, like Batman but Batman is rich while i m poor.
I just want to run off from home, and cut off the contacts just to free everyone's burden. I see myself with no real skill or ability even now i am just too afraid to be in love too, i know no one wants a useless guy. When people ask me, why do not i hang-out with my friends? I do not want to answer them, just because they do not like me, i do not blend in, or i have no friends.
I know nothing beside being in the gym, fashion, and beauty. They are useless since I am not a model. It contributes nothing as incomes, only splurging. I need someone to understand me, lend me their shoulders, and telling me "Everything is alright", and somehow i just want to be alone. I sometime feel numb from sarcasm. I am also afraid to be in love since i got rejected on every of my confessions, i feel like i am not good enough for anyone, i just afraid to be in love, afraid to hurt someone too.
I am just too insecure about everything.
so far, i think i have reached my opinions. I do not know what to say anymore
Thanks for reading